[lynn808]

Hoping that this back pain will go away...been waiting months to see spine doctor and hoping for surgery. So, I went to appt...got there and they could not find the referral so they cancelled my apt and reschedule for January 9th and 5 minutes later received fax from primary with referral attached. too bad they said cant fit me in...have to wait now. am frustrated no pain meds left, doctor was to take care of it today but didn't so now have to wait til Monday to get meds. Got to wait and see if they can fit me in between now and January 9th if someone else cancels....Geesh, don't know if I can do this.... everything is closing in on me and I cant step forward. I cant think straight, have not even started decorating or shopping yet..have all these boxes sitting around...Feeling overwhelmed and undersupported...Am I okay??? Feel like I am melting down...yikes

[technigal]

That is crazy, they cancelled your appointment without even trying to get the confirmation. I am sorry your back gives you so much pain. I deal with chronic pain so I understand, if things get too bad then go to the ER for pain meds.

Wish I could help you with decorating and shopping. I don't enjoy doing either so I do it as soon as I can to get it over with. I laughed today because all my shopping is done but Robbie got an invitation to a birthday party right after Christmas so I was out shopping for that gift...

[lynn808]

way to go with the shopping!!! glad you were able to take care of Robbies gift...Bad news is that the doc kept the xray and disc so even if I go somewhere I don't have paperwork now....I am trying to hold on.....feel that old black puddle trying to swallow me up now...cant run away from it fast enough....wish they would stop the madness...I cant

[Truth in Ruin]

I'm so sorry that you are in misery Lynn. I hope somehow that you can hold on through all this pain . No pain meds? No one should have to suffer like this.

[lynn808]

thanks truth...I am so frustrated with all this fighting all the time and getting constantly treated badly.....is this going to be the same as everything else?? cant I ever get a break? when will things start to go right?? is that even possible in my life....the urge to keep fighting is dwindling....yikes...that depression puddle is going to suck me in...oh dear

[technigal]

Originally Posted by lynn808

thanks truth...I am so frustrated with all this fighting all the time and getting constantly treated badly.....is this going to be the same as everything else?? cant I ever get a break? when will things start to go right?? is that even possible in my life....the urge to keep fighting is dwindling....yikes...that depression puddle is going to suck me in...oh dear

I really do hope you get a break soon. I know the feeling of being hopeless that things will change, but they can change. I am proof of that, in September things were hopeless, I gave up, now I have hope the future can be better. I understand that treatment can and will help. Keep fighting the darkness.

[lynn808]

thanks for the kind words...am struggling so much right now...feel like I have lost a lot of ground and am sliding down the hill....this is scary to me...damn

[Soulsisters]

Originally Posted by lynn808

Hoping that this back pain will go away...been waiting months to see spine doctor and hoping for surgery. So, I went to appt...got there and they could not find the referral so they cancelled my apt and reschedule for January 9th and 5 minutes later received fax from primary with referral attached. too bad they said cant fit me in...have to wait now. am frustrated no pain meds left, doctor was to take care of it today but didn't so now have to wait til Monday to get meds. Got to wait and see if they can fit me in between now and January 9th if someone else cancels....Geesh, don't know if I can do this.... everything is closing in on me and I cant step forward. I cant think straight, have not even started decorating or shopping yet..have all these boxes sitting around...Feeling overwhelmed and undersupported...Am I okay??? Feel like I am melting down...yikes

Hi Lynn
Isn't back pain a living breathing hell! I struggle daily with that as well. I also struggled with the loop of pain meds and that almost killed me.

My x called my pain doctor and told a bunch of lies about me and they dismissed me. It is a company policy if an immediate family member show concern they stop treatment . He did this to hurt me during our divorce.

I took those little red pills on schedule every single day without a second thought. I did this for 7 years. I had absolutely no idea what those little devils can do to you. I never took more, never failed drug test, but I took them every day until August 13. I will never forget that day. That was the day that I learned how to suffer. I went cold turkey off 180mg(60mg3x day) OxyContin.

I was in terrible withdrawals for 20 days, and I still have problems today with bone pain in my legs. I have never felt pain like that in my entire life and my pain scale changed. What I used to think was an 8 is maybe 4 at the most.

The scary part is the brain. I was stupid for. 3 months. Really stupid.

Ugh it is awful to remember. Watch out for the devil pills!

I am not saying to not take your meds, just telling you what happened to me. I will have problems for up to two years from that stuff.

Be strong. I hope it all works out for you with your back. If you ever need an ear I am here

[lynn808]

So my lazy-boy chair is due to be delivered Friday between 1 and 4pm...I have my T appt at 2pm (of course) and hope that 1 of my b/f 2 kids will be home for this....I aim to make sure this is all planned out tonite, so I can go to T with ease.. I am waiting again for another paper script from the doc for these blasted pain pills...hate to take them, but cant stand the pain either...Am trying hard to hold on til spinal surgery app on 1/9.... I am working on not being so demanding of others and not expecting more than they can give...sounds easy....is very hard to do...getting angry at me then them then me....well you get the picture......hope y'all have good evening and night...see ya!!!!