[Longing2Exhale]

Feeling weird. it started earlier...it's kinda like you're watching your life happen. i had a running dialogue in my head the whole time i was interacting with people.

and i feel the tears will be coming soon too.

does anyone get physically ill with their BPD? i do. it started a few years ago during my break down. Every morning i would wake up hacking, coughing and almost gagging at the thought of going to work. it was horrible. it was like a 15 minute routine every morning without fail. when i stopped going to work (went into the hospital and was out on FMLA) it went away.

now i just have nausea when i get real nervous. Lately though the gagging has been showing up...not because of work, just because of life.

lol, this wasn't even what i planned on this post being about about.

i just feel so out of it. Like i'm looking through my eyes and it's like i'm inside a costume or robot or something...i'm describing this all wrong.

i can clock out from work now, i know i'll cry when i get in my car...i fear i won't make it out to the car before the tears start to fall. i feel very empty and alone.

so disjointed...

thanks for listening

[technigal]

I know when I am having a rough time with the BPD my acid reflux gets worse. Yesterday was one of those days. I do find the stress of work makes me more likely to get physically ill.

[Maranara]

When I'm hit by a sudden bout of BPD related anxiety, I get nauseous and lose my appetite. During the severe, never-ending bout that brought me to PC and my diagnosis, I lost close to 30 lbs. in less than six months. I now wish I'd kept more of it off.

[BarelyMakingIt]

These past couple days have been kind of hard. My stomach has been upset since last night and I haven't had an appetite at all today.

[beloiseau]

It sounds like you might be going through some dissociation.

[eskielover]

When i explained something similar to my pdoc after going through a trauma he explained it as "depersonalization". I was watching my life as if i were in a movie. I would hear my conversation & wonder how they/ me knew wh to say. Scariest feeling i have ever experienced.

The trauma was with the home care person i caught abusing my mother when she was dying of cancer yet in denial that she was dying. It was like wat hing a horror movie.

Having also left a bad marriage since then & had 2 years of DBT i have learned that the mind uses depersonalization as a way of protecting itself when anxiety gets too much to handle however it becomes a problem when it takes over continually how we respond to situations. Then we need to learn other ways of coping.

[HealingNSuffering]

yeah I know the feeling. I get physical symptoms to. psychosomatic stuff. mostly muscular, but also gastrointestinal and headaches.

[eskielover]

I forgot to add also when i went through that trauma along with the depersonalization. I lost over 50 lbs & ended up back in the medical hospital with anorexia i had struggled with 6 years earlier & had actually ended up in treatment for.

Anxiety always made me feel sick to my stomach then i couldn't eat. Only when stress lasted a long time did my weight become dangerously low to the point of requiring a central line & IV nutrition.

I don't have BPD but as you see stress can have seriously bad effects on us physically

[shezbut]

((((Longing2Exhale)))))

Yep, I've been there, and it wasn't any fun to me. I was under extreme stress during those periods of time when I dissociated though. I found myself dissociating for several days continuously. Then, I got better & it now comes for shorter periods of time. Like, one day, or a few hours...that kind of thing.

The loss of appetite has always been a stress and/or major depression symbol, and comes more quickly (as well as much more often) than the dissociation for me.

Gentle hugs to you ~ this *will* pass!

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Longing2Exhale

Feeling weird. it started earlier...it's kinda like you're watching your life happen. i had a running dialogue in my head the whole time i was interacting with people.

and i feel the tears will be coming soon too.

does anyone get physically ill with their BPD? i do. it started a few years ago during my break down. Every morning i would wake up hacking, coughing and almost gagging at the thought of going to work. it was horrible. it was like a 15 minute routine every morning without fail. when i stopped going to work (went into the hospital and was out on FMLA) it went away.

now i just have nausea when i get real nervous. Lately though the gagging has been showing up...not because of work, just because of life.

lol, this wasn't even what i planned on this post being about about.

i just feel so out of it. Like i'm looking through my eyes and it's like i'm inside a costume or robot or something...i'm describing this all wrong.

i can clock out from work now, i know i'll cry when i get in my car...i fear i won't make it out to the car before the tears start to fall. i feel very empty and alone.

so disjointed...

thanks for listening

Holy crap. This is how I've been feeling the last few days and I have no clue why. I just feel so empty and nothingness. And I always feel so nauseous. And I just want to cry all the time. I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish I knew why I feel this way, it just happens every so often.

[Longing2Exhale]

Thank you all for sharing.

i hate that so many of you are in the same boat with me, but i must admit it's nice not to be alone and the only one.

I too find myself dissociating for several days continuously. Then, I get better & it comes for shorter periods of time. Like, one day, or a few hours

"watching my life like a movie" that's it not so much robot

[shezbut]

The part that always trips me out the most is thinking about whatever, yet I can vaguely hear myself responding in conversations to other people. It's as though the voice is coming from behind me too, it's soft. Throughout the entire interraction ~ I am NOT there. WTH is this person talking to those people? It sounds like me, but I'm not aware of thinking those thoughts! Very weird.

[eskielover]

I too find myself dissociating for several days continuously. Then, I get better & it comes for shorter periods of time. Like, one day, or a few hours

"watching my life like a movie" that's it

Actually dissociating is when you completely leave yourself & have no concept of or where you have gone & it's not like watching what you are doing.....that's the difference between dissociating & depersonalization/derealization.....just a bit of technical information here

[Longing2Exhale]

dissociation definitely the wrong word :-) Ty!

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