[ScarletPimpernel]

I have recently posted about my struggles with my T. She canceled our Dec 24th appt due to an emergency. Then she forgot to call me on Dec 26th. My last session with her, she rejected some papers I wanted to give her and she refused to give me reassurance over an issue.

I love my T. I want to stay with her. I know she never meant to hurt me. I need her. I am lucky to have her and I don't want to lose her.

But I have an overwhelming desire to push her away. I'm still mad at her. I'm still hurt. I can't let it go. I've been trying to work with her on this, but I keep finding another issue to be mad at her about. I'm so mad at myself. I'm going to destroy this relationship. I need to stop. I have to stop. But I don't know how to. I'm driving myself insane. I love her and I hate her. Oh how I wish I could erase X-mas week!!! This is consuming me

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm going to destroy this relationship.

No, you are not. You have to try to work it out with her. It hurts now but your relationship will become stronger after the issue is resolved. This is one of the many ways a relationship is able to develop and strengthen.

Sometimes people have to be "tough", because they care. It has nothing to do with disliking and abandoning you, even though it feels like it.

Therapy can be pain in the *** sometimes.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm so scared I'm going to irritate or frustrate her that she gives up on me. I am totally being the cliche borderline: I love you, I hate you; go away, please don't leave me! I hate this. I'm watching myself walk off a cliff and I just can't stop myself. If I can understand what I'm doing then why can't I stop myself? When I look at the overall picture, nothing is really wrong/bad. When I'm with my T, I'm happy. As soon as I leave her office, I am over-analyzing everything and looking for every little imperfection. I want to smack myself across the face and tell myself to knock it off.

I hope you're right didgee. I hope I don't destroy my relationship with my T. I hope my relationship does grow from this. Even though I can't stop these thoughts/feelings, I do NOT want to jeopardize or lose my relationship with my T!

[beloiseau]

I think loads of people overanalyze after therapy...I know I do. I worry about what they'll think of me, etc. But, this is their job. They are not there to judge you and they know enough about you understand the difficulties you face. I constantly go to appointments, feel like the T likes me, then leave certain that I've bored them and complained and they won't be as nice the next time. I have seen multiple T's and pdocs in the past 2 years because I leave thinking they can't help me.

I would call and set up an appointment or try to speak with her about how you're feeling. I think it would be good for your relationship and for you.