[Fuzzybear]

How do I detach from someone I "don't like" - on another forum, not Psych central.

They message me about 15 times every day. I usually take days to reply but I think they want me to rescue them. I can't really do that. I do care about them though. Am I a mean terrible person who should be punished all my life?

How do I protect my boundaries without being cruel. I don't want to hurt them. Nobody on pc.

Thanks for being here

I've been in a similar position before and in the end I just avoided the forum before leaving altogether. Sorry I don't have any good advice

[Fuzzybear]

[Verity81]

I would just be honest with them and say that many messages is too much and you have your own stuff to deal with. You could set a boundary on how many messages you are ok with.

If you really want to detach or they keep on then just say you are not able to deal with their stuff right now and then ignore any more messages.

I take it you can block people on the other forum if they get too much?

[gayleggg]

Fuzzy, you are not a bad bear. We have to take care of ourselves first. We should be our own priority when it comes to our boundaries. I would go along with Verity81's advice.

[technigal]

I know that I had to block certain people on a different forum. Hard to do but we need to do what is best for us.

[Maranara]

I've done this and it seems to work for most people: be honest. Tell them upfront that you have problems with relationships and friendships and while you want to remain their friend your personal space has to come first. You're not being a bad bear; no one will ultimately watch out for you except for you. While you don't want to outright hurt anyone, you have to think of you first.

[shezbut]

Fuzzybear ~ it is a hard pill to swallow, I know. You have to stand up for yourself at some point in life and not let anyone get past your limits.

15 messages per day feels pretty extreme to me. That would definitely make me very uncomfortable, if I were you. I recommend speaking up for yourself (rather than sitting by idly hoping that they'll get your "hint"). Send a message telling them that you are uncomfortable with ____. Please wait for reciprocation of some kind, before continuing with sending more posts to you.

I hope that our ideas have helped you at least feel more comfortable in the way that you're feeling right now. It's okay. You are normal. Now, you just need to pass on what YOU are comfortable with doing.

((((( hugs ))))))

[Fuzzybear]

If I do make a friend who seems to care they often have changed / morphed ... Into someone unrecognisable to me...someone who hurts me. This is one example. Others I won't even go into nobody on pc

[live2ski66]

Hi Fuzzy, you sound like a wonderful caring individual. If you have a hard time talking directly to the person who sends you so many emails you might be able to get help from the site moderator. He/She may be able to explain to the emailer that multiple emails per day is not appropriate. Good luck to you. I know I don't know you, but you have been in my thoughts the past few days.

[Roblovescats]

I believe in being honest but as you said you care about them and don't want to hurt them. Try telling them that. Tell them that you care about them, but other peoples problems are overwhelming you. Tell them that you don't want to hurt them and you want to be friends but you need some space and a little time away for other peoples problems because you have some as well. Make it about you and not about them when you tell them. Don't tell them they are messaging to much... Tell them that you need some relief from getting too many messages from others. Be honest yes but don't be hurtful. Honesty can be achieved without being blunt and when people say take care of yourself first... Well yes, but that doesn't mean disregard all others in the process and I think that's your concern.

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