A lot of anxiety over finding a place to live

henrydavidtherobot · Feb 12, 2014, 11:24 AM

I have to move out of my studio because I found a sublet before my move overseas was postponed.

I am applying to emails on Craigslist for houses in my neighborhood. I am so anxious because I don't have the best reputation around here. It isn't too heinous. I haven't done anything awful. However, after a man cyberbullied me after I politely disagreed with him over classist statements made at the bar when he was inebriated, I have been told that a lot of people in my neighborhood think that I am a *****. I suppose that is the price you pay for being an articulate feminist. Also, I have had a few drunken nights that I am not proud of. I didn't do anything bad, I was just THAT drunk girl. This happened more than I like to admit when I thought it was OK to drink on medication. I know am unmedicated, stable, and maybe drink once a week. However, I have been teased about it. It fills me with extreme anxiety. I wish that people were more forgiving and understanding.

I am afraid that people are going to see my emails and laugh at me. I just feel so sad and anxious.

I'm growing and I get better everyday. Doesn't that count for anything?

henrydavidtherobot · Feb 12, 2014, 01:48 PM

I cancelled my sublease. Now I have tons of bad feelings about screwing over the girl and I just hope that I am able to find another subleaser for later so that my dad doesn't get screwed over with the remainder of my lease.

Why are there never any "right" answers?

I guess today is going to e a klonopin day.

technigal · Feb 12, 2014, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I cancelled my sublease. Now I have tons of bad feelings about screwing over the girl and I just hope that I am able to find another subleaser for later so that my dad doesn't get screwed over with the remainder of my lease.

Why are there never any "right" answers?

I guess today is going to e a klonopin day.

Don't stress too much about canceling the sublease, hard not to stress but you really did not have a choice.

I wish I knew why there are not "right" answers. There are times that life really sucks.

henrydavidtherobot · Feb 12, 2014, 05:33 PM

This is one of them. I'm about to cut ties with the guy I'm seeing too because are schedules clash and he lives out of town. Idk how to keep my chin up. I'm not even excited for the play I am in this weekend. I want it to be over with.

technigal · Feb 12, 2014, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

This is one of them. I'm about to cut ties with the guy I'm seeing too because are schedules clash and he lives out of town. Idk how to keep my chin up. I'm not even excited for the play I am in this weekend. I want it to be over with.

You are going through a lot of changes in a short time. That is hard on anyone. Try to be gentle with yourself. Is there anything that you do that is soothing?

henrydavidtherobot · Feb 12, 2014, 05:56 PM

Watch movies and make a big healthy dinner. Every night.

I should be practicing.

live2ski66 · Feb 12, 2014, 08:33 PM

I was in your spot until a week ago. I had to be out by Feb 1st but I was paralyzed with fear, anxiety and some heavy duty denial. I kept looking for a place to live but my landlord was holding all my money ($4000). To make a long story short, I looked up on line (cause I don't like to go out, particularly when I have to ask for help). All the services available in the county. I called one of the providers, Catholic Charities and they interceded with my landlord. Going to Catholic Charities was a huge trigger. I was forced up Catholic and now I avoid traditional Catholic services. Anyway, it did get a bit warm beneath the collar when I entered the church, but the folks were most helpful.
I guess what I want to say, if you need help breaking the sublet so that your Dad doesn't have to pay, check with one of the service providers. They might even have a list for short term lodging. Is there a neighboring town you could go to where you are not as known?

unaluna · Feb 12, 2014, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I cancelled my sublease. Now I have tons of bad feelings about screwing over the girl and I just hope that I am able to find another subleaser for later so that my dad doesn't get screwed over with the remainder of my lease.

Why are there never any "right" answers?

I guess today is going to e a klonopin day.

That was probably the most practical move. Those are the hardest kind of solution for me to see! She still has a couple of weeks to find a new sublet, if i were you i wouldnt stress too much. Stuff happens.

aleej28 · Feb 12, 2014, 08:53 PM

The above are right, you had no other choice. Moving and looking for a new place when youre on a timeline is super super stressful.

I also get what you mean on the reputation part. A lot of rumors that went around after a drunken night with my ex YEARS ago while I was still in high school still pop up every now and then in my hometown. I also understand what you mean about teasing, when I was going through my seperation early last year from my ex-fiance, I went out a few times with friends and realllyyyyyy overdid it. Luckily because I reacted by pretty much crying and apologizing instead of laughing with everyone, they all laid off and it doesn't get brought up anymore. Maybe just be more open and serious with the people that tease you? If they tease you even more, then its time to move on and find other people to hang out with...

henrydavidtherobot · Feb 12, 2014, 09:14 PM

You guys all bring up really good points. I just wish that I could apply them. I am keeping my apartment, but there is nothing to do in the neighboring towns, so I would be in the same boat: staying at home all of the time and interacting with few. Plus, I have two jobs here.

I wish that I could find new people to hang out with. I live in a small city, so yeah. Even when I meet new people and we talk about hanging out, it never happens. A lot of my positive friends got GFs and went off of the radar. I was seeing a really great guy who lives in the neighboring city. However, our schedules clashed and he doesn't seem interested in getting together anymore. This would happen Vday weekend and the weekend of my play.

I feel hopeless. I don't belong. Nothing I do changes anything. I denied going out with a friend tonight because all she wants to do is drink all the time and I am not that person anymore.

I am a really hard worker. I am used to putting effort into things and seeing results. I can't control others. The only thing that I can do is cry and wait it all out and hope to God that Beijing treats me better.

Verity81 · Feb 13, 2014, 03:47 AM

Hope things settle down for you soon. Your in a play? that sounds amazing.

henrydavidtherobot · Feb 13, 2014, 09:36 AM

Me too.

I am in the Vagina Monologues. My monologue is "The woman who liked to make vaginas happy." It's a cool play that donates its proceeds towards efforts to aid women and children who are victims of sexual and physical abuse. Go see it if it is in your community!

Maybe getting on stage in my underwear and having people tell me that I did a good job will boost my spirits for the weekend. Then, I will have to find something else.