[isntlifewonderful]

I know I have a borderline personality, or at least I think so. My parents do aswell. But I'm 17 and my psychiatrist and therapist don't like investigating personality disorders on people this young.
I have most of the traits. My emotions are intense and change so easily, I live in a state of constant anxiety, I have emotional outbursts (though I can keep them inside most of the time), I selfharm to take the feelings away, I love drugs and alcohol, I have a strong sence of right and wrong, I can be highly motivated one second and motivated to do the opposite the next , I'm severely dissociative, I do risky things for the thrill of it, and I experience complete emptyness a lot. I become obsessed with things for small periods of time, and I don't mean a bit interested, I can't talk about anything else.
In relationships, I usually shut all my feelings out. I get bored with people quickly and move on to the next one. Both friends and lovers. Probably because the couple of times I actually had real feelings for people, it got too intense. I tried to commit suicide during a fight with the first one, and I was so easy to manipulate. I glorified him. He was "perfect", despite him saying I was worthless, ignoring me unless he needed something (money, support or sex), threatening to commit suicide like once a week and treating me like I was NOTHING.
The second one, well.... I'm in love with her now. She's wonderful. She never insults me and helps me even though she's mentally ill herself. SHE is perfect. But I hate the way those feelings make me act. Suicide threats, fights over little things cause I'm sure she'll abandon me, desperate attempts to win her attention and affection even though I already have it. I try my best to stop these behaviors. They're destructive for the both of us.
Anyway, for some reason I feel a strong NEED to be diagnosed. I guess it's cause I need some sort of explaination on what's wrong with me. What do you think?

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[Maranara]

If you've done the research on BPD and you feel comfortable with us, then you probably are. Diagnosis is based 100% on observation, and if we study ourselves, we should know ourselves better than anyone else. I self diagnosed myself a full year before it was official, and I've only seen a therapist a handful of times since. Do the reading and research, get in to DBT and meditation, and do what you can on your own. If therapists and such can help you, all the better, but it's up to you to do what is right for you. You are your best advocate. You will learn what works for you and what doesn't, and the most trained therapist can't help you if you don't want to be helped. You will be officially diagnosed eventually. Don't let that hold you from doing what you can for you now. I can attest that it was a relief and validation when my BPD was "official", but I knew in my heart and from my reading that I had it, and that was what was important in the end.

[greentires4me]

but they look for schizophrenia at that age...and that in its self is hard.

Well not sure what to say besides ^^^that stuff above.

just love yourself

[LostAlice]

If it makes you feel better, I'm 22 and exhibit every trait down to the bone. I didn't even know it existed until 2 years ago. And all my previous doctor told me was "I believe you have this, but I'm not diagnosing you with it because I don't think it's a good idea". They don't want you to believe you have it.
With zero insurance, zero family support/acknowledgement, and a psychiatrist that has known me for 3 years will not diagnose me with it. I need to be it's the only thing that will convince SSI that I am disabled. I've been hospitalized for attempted suicide 6 times! I've gone into ****ing cardiac arrest and these idiots just refuse to diagnose me. I'm so. Angry.

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by LostAlice

If it makes you feel better, I'm 22 and exhibit every trait down to the bone. I didn't even know it existed until 2 years ago. And all my previous doctor told me was "I believe you have this, but I'm not diagnosing you with it because I don't think it's a good idea". They don't want you to believe you have it.
With zero insurance, zero family support/acknowledgement, and a psychiatrist that has known me for 3 years will not diagnose me with it. I need to be it's the only thing that will convince SSI that I am disabled. I've been hospitalized for attempted suicide 6 times! I've gone into ****ing cardiac arrest and these idiots just refuse to diagnose me. I'm so. Angry.

Why are psychiatrists so stupid, man? cause honestly, being diagnosed and official would be a RELIEF, not a butden, and in your case it's a legal issue. Have you tried telling your psychiatrist about those issues? Maybe that'd make hyr understand?

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[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by Maranara

If you've done the research on BPD and you feel comfortable with us, then you probably are. Diagnosis is based 100% on observation, and if we study ourselves, we should know ourselves better than anyone else. I self diagnosed myself a full year before it was official, and I've only seen a therapist a handful of times since. Do the reading and research, get in to DBT and meditation, and do what you can on your own. If therapists and such can help you, all the better, but it's up to you to do what is right for you. You are your best advocate. You will learn what works for you and what doesn't, and the most trained therapist can't help you if you don't want to be helped. You will be officially diagnosed eventually. Don't let that hold you from doing what you can for you now. I can attest that it was a relief and validation when my BPD was "official", but I knew in my heart and from my reading that I had it, and that was what was important in the end.

I've done a lot of research and talked to a lot of people with BPD about it... I'm sure I have it. I'm currently living at an institution and getting psychotherapy. I don't think it's gonna solve anything since I'm a pretty hopeless case but I'll give it a try.
Thank you, dear... I needed to hear this. I've been feeling so guilty, dumb and pathetic for self-diagnosing haha... <3

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[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

but they look for schizophrenia at that age...and that in its self is hard.

Well not sure what to say besides ^^^that stuff above.

just love yourself

Yeah. Don't really get why schizophrenia is brought up since I'm not schizophrenic, I have some traits but uhm... an ex-friend of mine was schizophrenic and diagnosed at 14.
Thankyou sweetie. <3

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[Maranara]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

Why are psychiatrists so stupid, man? cause honestly, being diagnosed and official would be a RELIEF, not a butden, and in your case it's a legal issue. Have you tried telling your psychiatrist about those issues? Maybe that'd make hyr understand?

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It might very well be a relief, but a lot of insurances in the states won't cover BPD and he's actually trying to prevent that from possibly happening to you. A real Catch-22 for them and you. Enough said.

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by Maranara

It might very well be a relief, but a lot of insurances in the states won't cover BPD and he's actually trying to prevent that from possibly happening to you. A real Catch-22 for them and you. Enough said.

Really? Hm... I wouldn't know as I'm a swede. That's dumb though. Discriminating people who are already struggeling. But I guess it makes more sence that they wont diagnose her now.

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I know I have a borderline personality, or at least I think so. My parents do aswell. But I'm 17 and my psychiatrist and therapist don't like investigating personality disorders on people this young.
I have most of the traits. My emotions are intense and change so easily, I live in a state of constant anxiety, I have emotional outbursts (though I can keep them inside most of the time), I selfharm to take the feelings away, I love drugs and alcohol, I have a strong sence of right and wrong, I can be highly motivated one second and motivated to do the opposite the next , I'm severely dissociative, I do risky things for the thrill of it, and I experience complete emptyness a lot. I become obsessed with things for small periods of time, and I don't mean a bit interested, I can't talk about anything else.
In relationships, I usually shut all my feelings out. I get bored with people quickly and move on to the next one. Both friends and lovers. Probably because the couple of times I actually had real feelings for people, it got too intense. I tried to commit suicide during a fight with the first one, and I was so easy to manipulate. I glorified him. He was "perfect", despite him saying I was worthless, ignoring me unless he needed something (money, support or sex), threatening to commit suicide like once a week and treating me like I was NOTHING.
The second one, well.... I'm in love with her now. She's wonderful. She never insults me and helps me even though she's mentally ill herself. SHE is perfect. But I hate the way those feelings make me act. Suicide threats, fights over little things cause I'm sure she'll abandon me, desperate attempts to win her attention and affection even though I already have it. I try my best to stop these behaviors. They're destructive for the both of us.
Anyway, for some reason I feel a strong NEED to be diagnosed. I guess it's cause I need some sort of explaination on what's wrong with me. What do you think?

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i'm not any kind of therapist or expert but it sounds like you're one of us to me.
i think maybe your strong need to be diagnosed is a type of validation for ya, and that's ok, if it makes you feel better, do it.i can tell you from experience these type of behaviors are really hard to stop, it feels like they " take over" if that makes any sense, at least with me anyways. i'm very guilty of the desperate attempts (i'm doing it now) so i know how you feel!

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

i'm not any kind of therapist or expert but it sounds like you're one of us to me.
i think maybe your strong need to be diagnosed is a type of validation for ya, and that's ok, if it makes you feel better, do it.i can tell you from experience these type of behaviors are really hard to stop, it feels like they " take over" if that makes any sense, at least with me anyways. i'm very guilty of the desperate attempts (i'm doing it now) so i know how you feel!

I guess it is. I need an explaination, something that's 100%, I need to feel like I'm not alone. They're so hard it's ridiculous Yeah, I mean one second you promise yourself you'll stop it... because you're not dumb or anything, your rational side's telling you you have to quit... but then the feelings take over and you repeat those destructive behaviours once again. I hate it. I'm so sorry, love, you should message me if you want to talk about them. I'm currently having more anxiety and depressive issues than usual and I'm switching between shutting everyone out and being needy and craving affection ALL the time hahah.

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I guess it is. I need an explaination, something that's 100%, I need to feel like I'm not alone. They're so hard it's ridiculous Yeah, I mean one second you promise yourself you'll stop it... because you're not dumb or anything, your rational side's telling you you have to quit... but then the feelings take over and you repeat those destructive behaviours once again. I hate it. I'm so sorry, love, you should message me if you want to talk about them. I'm currently having more anxiety and depressive issues than usual and I'm switching between shutting everyone out and being needy and craving affection ALL the time hahah.

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i believe the explanation will probably help you a lot.3 days ago i was at my wits end, i felt like i was falling off a cliff and my life was so outta control knew i needed to do something, my rational side had almost completely shut down, which was really scary. the loneliness at times is unbearable, and my neediness has destroyed many of my relationships, i think that by my ex girlfriends not being able to give me the love and attention i crave because i crave so much, i get upset go into devaluation mode and end the relationship and go looking elsewhere only to ruin it again!its so hard not to repeat the destructive behaviours because that's what we are used to doing 7 worse when you're telling yourself to stop but you can't

I find it amusingly ironic that me the relatively stable 26 year old is classified as BPD but me the 16 year old with two major suicide attempts in under a year, self harm, bulimia and paranoia was a tentative maybe.

But that's how it works. Many BPD behaviors can be attributed to simply being a teenager while others require a pattern that needs time to establish itself.

I'm sure you'll get your answers soon enough and good luck.