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#1
Mar 28, 2014, 04:07 AM
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The last couple of days I've had this feeling of extreme emptyness. This is something I've felt before of course, but it usually doesn't last this long. People always think emptyness means I can't feel my anxiety anymore but I can. It's there constantly. The pain never stops.
I want a hug, but I get so scared when people get close to me. Like, even if I just took a shower I worry about smelling bad, looking bad, scaring them off. All I can think about are the dumb things I've said and done in the past and I regret every little thing that comes out of my mouth now. They must all hate me. That makes me ashamed, sorry for being such a disappointment but it also makes me HATE them for some reason I can't explain. I'm in desperate need for attention and validation right now, but I still don't really... care at this point you know? I don't know what to write, even with my best friend who I usually never have trouble talking to. This lack of imagination, having no things to say and no urge to make a change... it's overwhelming, but I can't get upset cause I can't feel anything real right now. I feel myself hurting inside, wanting to cry desperately but on the outside I'm just... numb. I'm filled with pain but I'm still empty and cold. I hate this ****ing feeling. I know this may sound confusing but I can't be the only one. Right? Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
 Aventurine, JadeAmethyst, trying2survive, widgets
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#2
Mar 28, 2014, 06:50 AM
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No your not the only one... It's one of those feelings you can't describe or quite put your finger on... It's an intense feeling if distress mixed with numbness to everything...
It's different for everyone I guess but I think a symptom of BPD is the dreaded 'emptiness,' and it's the worst symptom I think because there's no cure or relief you just have to wait for it to go.. Hope you feel better knowing it's not just you... And I'm sure it will be over soon
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MZG |
 isntlifewonderful
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#3
Mar 28, 2014, 06:57 AM
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That's great that you were even able to name it. I did not realize that is what I was feeling for 40 years actually was a symptom until I was diagnoses and started reading about BPD.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
| isntlifewonderful
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#4
Mar 28, 2014, 07:38 AM
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Yep. There are others. I think that hate you're feeling is a kind of resentment for the unrealistic expectations you put on yourself. You think it's coming from others, but unless someone actually SAID you were a disappointment, that's probably just your internal frustration talking. I'm I the same boat, and not too far along in therapy, so I don't know how to help with the emptiness. All I can say is you're not the only one...
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk |
| isntlifewonderful
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#5
Mar 28, 2014, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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| isntlifewonderful
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#6
Mar 28, 2014, 12:35 PM
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Hmm you are definitely not alone! This is a very common feeling of people with bpd. I find it's my least favorite state of all
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Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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| isntlifewonderful
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#7
Mar 28, 2014, 02:26 PM
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 I really needed to hear that I'm not alone right now. I'm seeing the only person I'll be able to accept affection and hugs from this weekend and hopefully, holding her in my arms for a long time will help just a little. I hate this state and I hate everything, but you guys made me feel a bit better. <3Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
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#8
Mar 30, 2014, 08:28 PM
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You are definitely not alone! I know how you feel, and it sucks! Try and take some comfort in the fact that others deal with it, too. I truly hope you are having a good day!
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| isntlifewonderful
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#9
Mar 31, 2014, 06:10 AM
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Oh emptiness....
Its the worst...Its my kryptonite... 
__________________
"I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened". - Mark Twain. |
| isntlifewonderful
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#10
Mar 31, 2014, 12:40 PM
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I'm new to the forum and it sounds like you've just described me to a T! I hate to think you are feeling this way, but I'm also comforted on the other hand to know that others are experiencing the same problems as me with this horrible disorder, and that I am not alone. Hugs xx
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| trying2survive
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| isntlifewonderful
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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