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#601
Jun 24, 2014, 05:56 AM
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No wonder I'm struggling right now, I have a Crap ton of stuff on my plate, but knowing there is a reason doesn't change how I feel. Ugh
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk Last edited by detachedangst; Jun 24, 2014 at 08:08 AM. |
 Anonymous100185, Bill3
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#602
Jun 24, 2014, 06:52 AM
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its a good day x so far...
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 Bill3
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#603
Jun 24, 2014, 08:06 AM
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I reschedule therapy a lot and I feel like a bad client for it. Just because she didn't answer my text message... Otherwise I'm doing pretty well. I've actually felt happy the past two days. Don't know if it's just a mood swing or if I'm getting better, but either way I figure it's a good thing.
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| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#604
Jun 24, 2014, 11:53 AM
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I'm swinging back down again...I'm becoming more and more convinced that I have a mood disorder in addition to a PD. I had so much energy, achieved more than I had done in a while and now it's all gone again, right now I just don't care and I can't keep being unstable like that. What chance will I have of properly implementing change? I want new places, new faces. I'm done with this life.
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| Anonymous100185
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#605
Jun 24, 2014, 01:08 PM
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I am forgetful today, and a bit paranoid, but otherwise I feel okay.
My T sees improvement in my demeanor and general perspective towards my life whenever I am with my current bf, which my T attributes to my personal growth, rather than due to me being with this guy. That is a healthier way of looking at things, I suppose. 
__________________
"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
| Anonymous100185, JadeAmethyst
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#608
Jun 24, 2014, 06:54 PM
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A walk with my dog and son have finally got my head in the right place.
Edit: and then two hours later the world comes crashing in...sigh Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk Last edited by detachedangst; Jun 24, 2014 at 08:14 PM. |
| Achy Turtle Armor, JadeAmethyst
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#609
Jun 24, 2014, 07:23 PM
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Got my car registered....2.5 hours in the dmv but the woman was nice, and we had a good laugh...because today is my wedding anniversary to my ex...just realized it as I signed the paperwork and dated it.
He's engaged to be married in the fall. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel. Like, am I supposed to cry? I'm just too tired for that. Just glad I was patient in the dmv, no anxiety attacks.
__________________
 Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception. |
| JadeAmethyst
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#610
Jun 24, 2014, 10:02 PM
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Saw my first T in years today, lots of initial history stuff, but hopeful.
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#611
Jun 24, 2014, 10:16 PM
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I really don't like this guy. He annoys me and assumes a level of intimacy that is not there. Just because we both have MH issues.
He's always hugged me but this is the first time I've chewed his face off about it. Then when he asked what meds I was on it just kinda snapped something in me. The F*** does it have to do with him!? After finding out he has BPD too why did I have to add the yeah but I have NPD traits? Was I just trying to out crazy him or was I trying to scare him off?  My patience levels are non existent right now.
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| Anonymous100185, waiting4
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#612
Jun 25, 2014, 02:17 PM
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quiet day with the dogs, nice to be home and resting today...
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| Achy Turtle Armor
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#613
Jun 25, 2014, 04:34 PM
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Still quite anxious today and still consumed by thoughts of my T through out the day. I've tried some mindfulness and listened to DMB today because they always cheer me up but not today. The other odd thing is that I've had no appetite for over a week now.
Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk
__________________
...In the darkness I will meet my creators And they will all agree, that I’m a suffocator
-Daughter |
| Bill3
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#614
Jun 25, 2014, 05:11 PM
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Have to make a birthday cake for my baby boy, he turns 9 tomorrow. I am making a minecraft creeper cake for him, but I keep putting it off.... I don't want to clean up the kitchen, make the cake and then have to clean again
 Tomorrow is his last day of school and I am volunteering at the year end celebration or I would make it tomorrow.....Someone want to come over and bake a cake???
__________________
Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
| Espresso, waiting4
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#615
Jun 25, 2014, 05:34 PM
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I guess I'm not getting better. I feel really low again.
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| anon111614, Espresso, Kimaya, waiting4
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| Achy Turtle Armor
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#616
Jun 25, 2014, 07:08 PM
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The day started off ok. Driving today, car in front had to stop, geese were gonna walk out in front of her car but turned around. Now, instead of just continuing to drive, she decides to sit there and watch while there is a line up of cars behind her (road down to one lane). So I just honk my horn to tell her to get going so what does she do...She gives me not one but both the middle fingers through her sunroof, then floors it, then i start speeding up some and the f***ing ***** slams her brakes on so hard her tires were squeeling. WTF! I wanted nothing more then to follow her and punch the f*** out of her. I would sooo put her in the hospital and i'm dead serious!!! I thought I was bad but what??? I wish people would at least realize they had something wrong with them. I know it's hard, it's like calling the kettle black but can't say I'd try smashing someone's car. Then come home, last day of school for teenagers. Mine gone tonight, so i'm alone and i'm so triggered right now. Hate it. Oh, did punch a door and hurt my hand too.
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| Espresso, waiting4
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| Espresso
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#617
Jun 25, 2014, 08:27 PM
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Said I wanted to move to New York, who is he to presume that I can't handle it there.
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| waiting4
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#618
Jun 25, 2014, 09:26 PM
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Even with having a small in office procedure done today I still had a great day emotionally. I want to be proud but the pessimist in me says tomorrow is going to be s***.
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#619
Jun 25, 2014, 09:44 PM
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Made my appointment today, was sleepy during it but at least I didn't stay in bed. Had a good session, trying a new med, and feeling hopeful.
__________________
Wifey, artist, daydreamer. |
| Achy Turtle Armor
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#620
Jun 26, 2014, 02:10 AM
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I want to die. And I just made the one person who really matters cry.
Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
| anon111614, Kimaya
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#621
Jun 26, 2014, 06:58 AM
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Well. Am in work with a Broken ankle. Oh the pain.
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| anon111614, Bill3, technigal, waiting4
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#622
Jun 26, 2014, 01:01 PM
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Whatever. Again. So tired and angry with myself because I keep finding myself defending myself for no apparent reason. Everything else is fine, but this....it's frustrating.
*sigh*
__________________
Sometimes the opening of wings is more frightening than the challenge against gravity. Both make you free..............the secret is perception. |
| anon111614, Anonymous100185, Bill3
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#623
Jun 26, 2014, 03:14 PM
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He didn't text me back. I guess he doesn't want to hang out with me.
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| anon111614, Anonymous100185, Bill3, waiting4
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#624
Jun 26, 2014, 04:34 PM
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Happy 9th birthday to my little turkey. I finally got his cake made and he loves it so that makes it a good day.
__________________
Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
| Anonymous100185
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#625
Jun 26, 2014, 04:37 PM
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My 14 year old little brother just texted me (I currently live at an institution so I don't see him that often):
"I love you! I'd be crushed if you killed yourself. You have no idea how hard and hurtful it is to constantly wonder if a person you love so incredibly much is gonna be alive next week. Please don't kill yourself. If you can't do it for you, do it for me..." I'm in tears. I do know what it's like, baby boy. I'm so ****ing sorry. I know I can't leave. Ever. I hate myself for what my mental illness has done to the people I love. Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk |
| Anonymous100185, Bill3, Kimaya, technigal, waiting4
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