[Achy Turtle Armor]

Why does my husband pick on me? Last night I left my empty glass on the kitchen counter and I was in the bedroom getting ready for bed. My H asks, "Are you done out here?" This means is there anything else that I need to do or get in the rest of the house before he turns off the light and we go to bed. So when he asks me the question I think for a moment and say, "I think so."

Two minutes later he is back in the kitchen and gets agitated with me because I left my glass on the counter instead of putting it in the dishwasher. He snaps at me and asks me how many times he has asked me to do that.

OK. I did leave it and after so many times you'd think I would remember if only to keep from being scolded. But I don't remember. I feel it is important to note that I am the only one working and I've been doing so since before we got married in 2008. I joke that I should fire my T for allowing me to get married. Ugh.

The problem really is that the more healthy I get the more I hate the fact that he isn't working.

One other note... My H has peripheral neuropathy so he has pain in his feet. He could still try to work from home.

Sorry, this turned into a rant.

[isntlifewonderful]

Still empty from yesterday. Desperately needing someone (A) to hold me till everything's alright again. Been productive today though. Made my own tofu, soy milk and okara!

[detachedangst]

1 day, 1 moment at a time. I can get through this life of mine.

[Britneigh]

Oh whisky...hello my friend. It's been a day since we've mingled. Oh how I missed you.

[Lefty_Mac]

Got a migraine, my shrink is only on tuesday, and I'm vomiting and have only one 54mg concerta left. I guess I'm in for sheer hell for the next two days.

How about that for my 100th post in here?

[JadeAmethyst]

water rafting in the rapids of denial....

Originally Posted by Lefty_Mac

Got a migraine, my shrink is only on tuesday, and I'm vomiting and have only one 54mg concerta left. I guess I'm in for sheer hell for the next two days.

How about that for my 100th post in here?

If ya need a friend then gimme a message anytime xxx

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Oh whisky...hello my friend. It's been a day since we've mingled. Oh how I missed you.

Yep...can so understand where you're coming from.

[Lefty_Mac]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

If ya need a friend then gimme a message anytime xxx

I sent you a friend request already; and I can say exactly the same back to you

[Lefty_Mac]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Oh whisky...hello my friend. It's been a day since we've mingled. Oh how I missed you.

WARNING: MIGHT BE A TRIGGERING POST, SO SKIP IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ SOMETHING VERY, VERY HIDEOUS:

I hope that's the name of one of your horses, Britneigh....just answered your PM and I'll say no more. This **** is poison. I've got a handicapped right arm (I should send you guys the picture of it before you think about doing drugs again) because I was so ****in high on morphine and codeine, that I forgot to put the cotton in the tip of the needle and took my fifth shot, filled wiith pill powder - it clogged my veins and sometimes I even think it would be better if it had been amputated, so I wouldn't haphazardly still do it in my left arm (and as a bonus, gain three huge abcesses, one of them that made the bacteria spread in my body and I couldn't walk for a month. Dirty syringes with blunt needles, weeks old....while the old vodka and tonic water was pretty much everything I did when not doing that and smoking clove cigarettes....then came on the coke, I forgot about the junk, and quickly moved into crack, which I ''cured'' myself from with booze again, going to the point of drinking rubbing alcohol with coca-cola. After rehab, the drinking didn't stop, and I started to have excruciating pains on it, and well...at all ended up with me smoking oxycodone and having to do a methadone treatment. But I was back into my job, singing again for these hypocrites who just found use in me for that, and someone offered me coke....there I go again, going up to ten-twenty grams of it a day, having the worst paranoia one could think of. Rehab again, for the sixth time, and my arm suffered from pains again, but they refused to give me anything but tramadol...so there I was, taking two boxes of 100mg tramadol a day and mixing it with klonopin. This was until four months ago, when they gave me methadone AGAIN, and since then, I lost my voice, my friends, fell into depression, crying endlessly every day until one month and a half ago, I'm here locked in my room, in the dark, after being diagnosed with BPD - finally the correct diagnosis.

Learn from that, folks. Drugs and alcohol are something I LOATHE WITH A PASSION. And so should you.

[Dewbot]

Not everyone goes to the same extent. I don't loathe alcohol. As a matter of fact, I happen to love it. As far as that goes, I think Kinky Friedman put it best when he said (and is often misattributed as a quote from a Charles Bukowski letter): "You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that."

[Lefty_Mac]

Originally Posted by Dewbot

Not everyone goes to the same extent. I don't loathe alcohol. As a matter of fact, I happen to love it. As far as that goes, I think Kinky Friedman put it best when he said (and is often misattributed as a quote from a Charles Bukowski letter): "You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that."

Well, *I* went to the same extent, there's A LOT of people here that went and still are going to the same extent, and that applies to them. Like I said, ignore the post if it doesn't apply to you, and have a good life if you can enjoy it. Kinky Friedman can eat a **** for all I care. And mind you that Bukowski is one of my favorite writers, outside of Kerouac, Ginsberg, Leroi Jones, Cassady and of course, Burroughs, which I should hate because I learned how to shoot reading a famous certain book of his. I just don't, and bless him, because he died while trying to get away from that ****.

[Dewbot]

Well I appreciate that. I do try to enjoy it. Unfortunately, it also tries to enjoy beating the crap out of me. Cheers.

[Espresso]

I made it out of another crisis and had a mostly nice day today.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Dewbot

Not everyone goes to the same extent. I don't loathe alcohol. As a matter of fact, I happen to love it. As far as that goes, I think Kinky Friedman put it best when he said (and is often misattributed as a quote from a Charles Bukowski letter): "You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that."

ha ha ha ha too funny! i like that

I don't drink. I refuse to be my father and pass my pain on to everyone else.

Whelp, new T seems nice. She isn't scared of the BPD/NPD mix. Actually she thinks the NPD is probably wrong. Yay?

Of course as usual seeing a T made me all enthusiastic and I actually got off my rear and took the dogs for a walk. Wonder how long that will last.

Originally Posted by Lefty_Mac

I sent you a friend request already; and I can say exactly the same back to you

I noticed and accepted xxx

[isntlifewonderful]

I miss A. She'll be home on wednesday, so I'll finally get to hold her again. I also ****ing miss my T. The fact that he's on vacation during summer makes me mad. I need him. I need my therapy. I desperately need to talk and sort things out as my life is so chaotic. Sigh. Going to work now... wish me good look.

Off to work. Tired but calm again xx

[Lefty_Mac]

I just don't know. Took my anti depressant and fours hours ago I took half of my last concerta pill. Been texting and calling my psychiatrist all night long. She finally texted me back and will call me as soon as possible. Downed 50mg of diazepam as well. I'm lighting my cigarettes one after another and forgetting them and letting them burn in the ashtray. Either I fix this situation today or I'm taking more and more valiums till I black out and finally wake up tomorrow to the appointment I've had with her - I need my prescriptions ASAP. And if I wake up at night, there goes another valium bender. I feel repulsed by doing this, but I have no choice. This has got to be fixed. Concertas stabilize me, but this week has been hell after hell after hell. I can simply visit no other forum nor facebook nor chat with anybody through my messenger, lest I'll alienate em. Learning from my mistakes, I'll never chew on a concerta again for immediate effect. And will eventually take my meda as prescribed correctly. It's sheer hell. Sheer hell. Good thing that the concerta will act foir one more hour but then I'm F-CKED. If I can take one single 54 mg pill swallowed today it's a victory, saving my 18mgs for real emergency and not to ease distress and emotional pain. Meds have a purpose, and I'll have em he way they're intended to. But I guess this week y'all won't be seeing me around too much. I gotta fix this. I WILL fix this.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

Wish you well

[shakespeare47]

I can see I may soon become engrossed in a heated discussion on one of the forums I frequent. I do love to argue. I just don't like to loose sleep over those arguments.

[Britneigh]

I have a day off...I think I shall spend it with my favorite chunky pony Juno.

panic attack in middle of train station. I actually fainted. I feel embarrassed deep breathes don't help. I don't have meds. Am really worried now !!!

[isntlifewonderful]

Gonna surprise my little brother with vegan banana pancakes with blueberries I picked myself tomorrow morning. I want to show the little guy love. His T was here today, he has refused to talk to Ts for years but finally agreed to do it now... all he talked about was basically how worried he was about me, how I was doing and if I was gonna stay alive. Poor little guy has chronic headache that's really intense and makes him unable to live a normal life, he also has social anxiety, asbergers and anxiety disorder. He shouldn't have to worry about his older sister too. He was there when they found me after a suicide attempt. I swallowed lots of benzo and was basically dying when they came. He shouldn't have seen me like that. I'm a horrible sister. Also this one time I was crying in my room... he heard me and even though his headache is extremely painful and walking makes it so much worse, he made it to my room, hugged me, told me he loved me and that I was the best sister in the world. Later that night I got drunk, cut myself really deep and passed out on the bathroom floor. My parents found me pretty soon and not wearing any pants, exposing my deep, bloody sores, crying hysterically and drunk as hell, I went up to my brother cause I wanted to say sorry and that I love him. I made him cry, but still that beautiful 14 year old little angel looked me in the eyes and said "Don't be sorry. I love you. You're the best..."... I don't deserve him. Ugh. This turned into a rant... sorry...