[June155]

Oh yes, it's that time again. Craziness all over the place.

My love situation (or lack of it) of the past half year has made me into a trainwreck again. And I don't mean my boyfriend, but the guy I've obviously been obsessing about even though all the signs have always been there I should have let it go al long time ago already. Right now I've decided I hate, hate, HATE him. (And two days ago I still was telling everyone how much I respect him and think he is a good person even though the situation sucks.) And I don't know which is the actual rational way to feel. And I don't want him anywhere near me, I want him to drop dead, and on the otherside I want nothing more to then to be around him just so I can act really rude to him and just make him feel bad and he might realize what a complete idiot he is and that he misses me... (Yea right, never gonna happen) but that's not the biggest problem.

First it got me to the point where I was drinking constantly and getting myself in some real wrong situations with drugs, so after I had a absolute panic attack and melt down about that I decided to stop drinking and lay low for a while, thought it'd do me good... well it didn't.

I'm not sleeping anymore, even with my mild relaxation pills which get me completely stoned during the day when they don't need to. I'm hurting myself, I quit eating, which I always do when I feel like I lost all control. My concentration is gone after 30 seconds of every conversation, I can't get any work done. My memory is total loss, I constantly do things and can't remember if I did or said them 5 minutes later. And oh my god, the mood swings are over the top. I don't even feel comfortable going out when I feel a bit better cause I know that I only need one little thing to get me completely depressed again.
But sitting alone with my thoughts is driving me crazy as wel. I haven't done my dishes in days just because I can't stand the thought of having to stand there for 20 minutes and having to concentrate on nothing else but that.

I know I probably don't have to explain this to most of you, but dear god I needed to get this out of my system. I don't have anyone to talk to and I only see my therapist once a week at this point which is not enough.
Anyone any new coping tips? I'm considering mindfulness but I can't get myself to start.

Sorry you are struggling so much right now....

Start by ZERO drinking and illegal drugs.

You have to give your brain a chance. I do not understand how anything could think that messing up your brain would make things better.?.?.?

[waiting4]

I agree with Useless Me: I don't and didn't do illegal drugs but after my break up, I did drink more than I used to...thinking it would dull the pain. It did, but the next day's anxiety and depression (I don't have traditional hangovers) were killer...literally. I just wanted to die, crawl in a hole and pull it in after me. Self medicating is never a good thing....even if you tell yourself it's just temporary.

That said, I so totally understand where you are in this...the love/hate/want to wound him/want to show him how strong I am without him/want him to miss me/want him no where near me etc, mood swings are awful. Getting out of bed...nearly impossible, and had I not a dog that HAD to go outside, I probably would have spent days, if not weeks in bed.

I get the dishes situation...I still get like that sometimes, so I take it a bit...like...if I can wash the bowls, that's good enough, or the utensils...something I might actually use. Everything else can wait.

I wish I could offer more help, but I want at least for you to know, you're not alone in this...pm me anytime if you'd like. Venting is totally allowed, and understood.

Believe it or not, and even if it doesn't feel like this, it means you're healing. (((hugs)))

I am sorry you are going through this atm. Sounds very frustrating and out of control atm. Stopping the drinking and drugs will have an affect on your emotions and probably make things worse to start with (not that that is a reason to take them again lol) Drugs and BPD can go hand in hand, just be careful as so can psychosis and BPD and cannabis can trigger this - everything in moderation I say.

Have you tried looking at some kind of meditation techniques for relaxation and maybe some aggressive exercise for the anger? Kick boxing is good When I struggle with my thoughts at bed time, I lay and count all the bones in my body, lighting up each one in my head. I find it can help me.

I recognise the 'I hate you' followed by being clingy and not leaving thing. It is hard to deal with as sometimes I freak out because they drive me mad and then the next minute I freak because I think they don't love me. It is hard, but if things are not alright between you, this will only make you feel worse=(

***** the dishes - who cares! Put them into soak and forget them for now.

We are all here if you want to keep ranting xxxx

[June155]

Yea, right now I'm going for zero alcohol and drugs. I also have the mental hangovers and they're the worst! Defenitely gonna try out the 'one bowl at the time' and the 'bone counting tips'. Thank you!

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by June155

Oh yes, it's that time again. Craziness all over the place.

My love situation (or lack of it) of the past half year has made me into a trainwreck again. And I don't mean my boyfriend, but the guy I've obviously been obsessing about even though all the signs have always been there I should have let it go al long time ago already. Right now I've decided I hate, hate, HATE him. (And two days ago I still was telling everyone how much I respect him and think he is a good person even though the situation sucks.) And I don't know which is the actual rational way to feel. And I don't want him anywhere near me, I want him to drop dead, and on the otherside I want nothing more to then to be around him just so I can act really rude to him and just make him feel bad and he might realize what a complete idiot he is and that he misses me... (Yea right, never gonna happen) but that's not the biggest problem.

First it got me to the point where I was drinking constantly and getting myself in some real wrong situations with drugs, so after I had a absolute panic attack and melt down about that I decided to stop drinking and lay low for a while, thought it'd do me good... well it didn't.

I'm not sleeping anymore, even with my mild relaxation pills which get me completely stoned during the day when they don't need to. I'm hurting myself, I quit eating, which I always do when I feel like I lost all control. My concentration is gone after 30 seconds of every conversation, I can't get any work done. My memory is total loss, I constantly do things and can't remember if I did or said them 5 minutes later. And oh my god, the mood swings are over the top. I don't even feel comfortable going out when I feel a bit better cause I know that I only need one little thing to get me completely depressed again.
But sitting alone with my thoughts is driving me crazy as wel. I haven't done my dishes in days just because I can't stand the thought of having to stand there for 20 minutes and having to concentrate on nothing else but that.

I know I probably don't have to explain this to most of you, but dear god I needed to get this out of my system. I don't have anyone to talk to and I only see my therapist once a week at this point which is not enough.
Anyone any new coping tips? I'm considering mindfulness but I can't get myself to start.

insomnia is common when you come off alcohol..it should subside in about a week (depends on how hard you drank) also it will be difficult to concentrate as well..i struggled with that too..so don't worry..it gets better

right now...you are going to want to worry about getting yourself together, a few days time you should be ok..or at least getting better. give yourself some time to stabilize then naturally you will want to start "doing normal stuff again"

when we drink we tend to not want to deal with the normal necessities, we want to do the fun stuff, once you detox a bit, your sense of control will come back

hope this helps!