[June155]

I have one of those problems only people with BPD would consider a problem.
I recently had a huge succes and right now I get a lot of recognition for it.
Instead of feeling happy however I feel completely ****ed up and it's too overwhelming.

I feel like I don't own the succes, it's not mine and that all these people who are congragulating me will soon find out they made a huge mistake, or will have high expectations and they will see sooner or later that I'm a fraud.
I feel even more alone then at other times because especially now all my friends and family expect me to be happy and joyfull and full of energy while I just want to climb under a rock and dissapear.

I should be working on my next project but I don't want to, I want to drink and lose myself and not think about it at all, because this all makes me so insecure, cause I don't feel any different then I did before, only more people are looking at me now. I just can't handle it. Brings out all the crazy :-).

How to deal with success?? I will tell you all about it - IF I ever experience success.

:/

[waggiedog]

Hello and good evening from London, UK. Oh dear June155, yes I a full on Boarderline and have been for 33 years, so I certainly DO understand exactly how you feel. Because of the absolute fear of failure, I've never done anything which involved in taking an exam, no matter how well I've known my subject. I can't take any form of praise, even if I make a birthday cake I always find fault, as if I have to point it out before someone else does! Obviously I have sometimes done things that people have liked and they say they want me to go on to do other things. All that does is make me like you, I want to go away and hide, because I assume that if I've done something right/good then it's a fluke, I got it ''right'' by mistake, or that I could never repeat it again. In the past I too have hit the bottle! I do understand you hunny. HUGS.