[Chronic]

Thought this was quite interesting...it's me down to a tee. Every single one of my romantic and platonic (obviously without the sex and "in love") relationships goes like this

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

[unaluna]

Yeah, more like DEvolves. Good article and website, thanks!

[Cnytroxy1973]

Ouch.... harsh....

[palemoss]

i am not like that at all. i dont give off the impression that ive been screwed by guys all my life, which is a fact. i always try to come off as strong as possible, and independent. thanks to therapy. but yeah. maybe if my relationships exceeded more than 3 weeks the cycle would happen who knows

[Cole Thornton]

Wow. This describes my wife perfectly.

Someone in the bipolar forum suggested that she may be borderline along with/instead of the bipolar dx she has had for a few years, so I came over to this forum to check it out. This could have been written about her.

[shezbut]

The author sure didn't sound compassionate at all

I don't like him! a-hole He might as well come straight out and say, "Forget her/him. They are worthless and cruel."

I have always worked very hard to maintain relationships that I do have with others. The sexual description is accurate. I have always tried very hard to be #1, so they have no desire to look elsewhere. The same reason I am motivated to eat healthy & work out hard ~ to impress. And, yes, I need to be loved. I need to be #1 ~ not way low on his totem pole of importance.

But, I'm still not an a jerk. I'm not dammit!

This is completely my husband. It can be very painful to be on the receiving end of this.

[Trippin2.0]

Uhm... That author just described me. I don't do it intenti0nally. We're trying 2 break my cycle. Bf is n0t supposed to rescue me anym0re (i'm bp2 as well) thanks for posting,it was insightful, albeit cold and clinical.

[leeches]

Ouch... Harsh, but definitely applicable to me. My poor partner...

[GzusMc]

When I know my partner who is diagnosed with borderline cares about me and I do everything I can to educate myself and not trigger bad emotions, do I take her breaking up with me a week before we move in together seriously? She told me we are just friends now but still wants to live with me and that I have a lot to prove to get back to where I was... This is really difficult, I can't imagine how she feels if its this hard for me.

[Forgive77]

Interesting that these articles lately seem to be on a negative slant, and are written as if we plan this crap.

What about the hero man who wants to swoop in and take care of everything b/c he has mommy issues? Who wants to take you in so he can control every aspect of your life, including finances. Takes care of you and suddenly resents you for it. Where did the prince charming go? You know...the one who remembered your birthday, and anniversary. The guy who took you to movies and dinner on a bad day to cheer you up. He'd just whisk you away from all your problems. Now he says he's not a talker, and would rather watch a ball game instead of interact with the one he supposedly loves. You have given him everything you have to offer, body and soul. And....suddenly when you want to pick the movie to watch, or ask for him to help you pick a paint color...it's "no. I don't want to." "No. I'm not doing that." What? Huh? I'm sorry you've picked every movie for the past six months...I'm sorry if I want a say...And...You big jerk you're not going to walk all over me anymore!!! How dare you not watch the, one, movie I want to watch out of the last 20-30 I've suffered through to please YOU! And yes! Excuse me if I tan, work out, and get my nails and hair done. Last I remembered...you were the one trying to work your way up in the world while I put all my dreams on hold to have your children, and stay home with them b/c that makes you feel better. And yes...I'm slightly insecure about my weight and appearance because I’m getting older, and there are younger and younger women coming into the line of work you do....all swooning b/c you know it all, and can rescue them at work, and keep them from making the big mistakes that could get them fired. Also you're gone...and living a completely different life than I do...first class everything and the best of restaurants...while I stay home and eat mac and cheese. You don't call anymore, or act like we even exist. We're just here holding everything up...while you work hard, and give us the worst pieces of you. THANKS SO FREAKING MUCH!! JERK!!

If that sounded like a rant....then this article was a rant too. Pretty unprofessional...all be it mostly accurate...but it fails to talk about the kind of men we attract. We are pretty easy to control for a long time, or at least I am...up until a point. This guy was from Moscow...Most Russians are penis heads aren't they? I mean that's what I've heard. Sorry was that too big a generalization? Or was that my borderline getting in the way?

[AtomicUniverse]

This article is terrible. I definitely agree with the slanting part. It uses very colorful language to describe someone who is manipulative with intent, and not someone who is reacting to a very intense, infantile fear of abandonment.

[nicoleb2]

I can relate to some parts of the article. It is very harsh and makes me angry because their assumption appears to be that everyone with BPD does all of things, when in reality, we are not all the same

[Flooded]

That's right Nicole, not one person with BPD is the same.

Many people are in long-term committed relationships and are HAPPY!

This article is BS in the most damaging form.

[Fuzzybear]

........

[nicoleb2]

I am married, 10 years next month (with one year we were seperated). That seems not to fit the descriptions they were saying. I have 2 happy, healthy kids too

[crazycanbegood]

this is BS. that's all.

[gilio]

Love is very special feeling. there are so many people that fall in love with person with some kind of disability.that is love. so very nice article,i read it, it is really very good.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I do hate how bpd affects my loved ones.

agree 100 per cent though with the ones here who defend themselves as "not jerks" and "we don't mean to."

Because I don't.

The more that "nons" get angry with us the worse it gets.

Although I do empathize.

Just me.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Forgive77

Interesting that these articles lately seem to be on a negative slant, and are written as if we plan this crap.

What about the hero man who wants to swoop in and take care of everything b/c he has mommy issues? Who wants to take you in so he can control every aspect of your life, including finances. Takes care of you and suddenly resents you for it. Where did the prince charming go? You know...the one who remembered your birthday, and anniversary. The guy who took you to movies and dinner on a bad day to cheer you up. He'd just whisk you away from all your problems. Now he says he's not a talker, and would rather watch a ball game instead of interact with the one he supposedly loves. You have given him everything you have to offer, body and soul. And....suddenly when you want to pick the movie to watch, or ask for him to help you pick a paint color...it's "no. I don't want to." "No. I'm not doing that." What? Huh? I'm sorry you've picked every movie for the past six months...I'm sorry if I want a say...And...You big jerk you're not going to walk all over me anymore!!! How dare you not watch the, one, movie I want to watch out of the last 20-30 I've suffered through to please YOU! And yes! Excuse me if I tan, work out, and get my nails and hair done. Last I remembered...you were the one trying to work your way up in the world while I put all my dreams on hold to have your children, and stay home with them b/c that makes you feel better. And yes...I'm slightly insecure about my weight and appearance because I’m getting older, and there are younger and younger women coming into the line of work you do....all swooning b/c you know it all, and can rescue them at work, and keep them from making the big mistakes that could get them fired. Also you're gone...and living a completely different life than I do...first class everything and the best of restaurants...while I stay home and eat mac and cheese. You don't call anymore, or act like we even exist. We're just here holding everything up...while you work hard, and give us the worst pieces of you. THANKS SO FREAKING MUCH!! JERK!!

If that sounded like a rant....then this article was a rant too. Pretty unprofessional...all be it mostly accurate...but it fails to talk about the kind of men we attract. We are pretty easy to control for a long time, or at least I am...up until a point. This guy was from Moscow...Most Russians are penis heads aren't they? I mean that's what I've heard. Sorry was that too big a generalization? Or was that my borderline getting in the way?

It's about flipping time we borderlines defended ourselves!

It goes both ways!

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by AtomicUniverse

This article is terrible. I definitely agree with the slanting part. It uses very colorful language to describe someone who is manipulative with intent, and not someone who is reacting to a very intense, infantile fear of abandonment.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

Are they confusing us with narcissists?!

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Forgive77

...the kind of men we attract. We are pretty easy to control for a long time, or at least I am...up until a point. This guy was from Moscow...Most Russians are penis heads aren't they? I mean that's what I've heard. Sorry was that too big a generalization? Or was that my borderline getting in the way?

I have a crush on a Russian. I am sure they are not all like that, but he had such a strong personality and my attraction with him is so overwhelming---hmmm...

Sorry, had to respond to this one, too.

Billi

[Fit1]

Originally Posted by shezbut

The author sure didn't sound compassionate at all

I don't like him! a-hole He might as well come straight out and say, "Forget her/him. They are worthless and cruel."

I have always worked very hard to maintain relationships that I do have with others. The sexual description is accurate. I have always tried very hard to be #1, so they have no desire to look elsewhere. The same reason I am motivated to eat healthy & work out hard ~ to impress. And, yes, I need to be loved. I need to be #1 ~ not way low on his totem pole of importance.

But, I'm still not an a jerk. I'm not dammit!

Even though much of what this guy says is true, your right, this guy didn't sound compassionate at all. He makes it sound like we act like this completely on purpose. I understand we are in control of what we say and do, but there is the impulsivity which lives in us that we fall victim to from time to time.

Fit1

[Fit1]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

Are they confusing us with narcissists?!

Billi

You would think if this guy has been a therapist for twenty years he would have learned a little something about empathy! One of the big things in the code of ethics for counselors is "to do no harm". The way this guy presents his info, could be considered harmful in my opinion. Your right, he does sound like he is describing a nacissist. I do some of these things he talks about, but I do feel guilty about it.

It also sounds a bit like he could have had an affair with one of his clients and she burned him, so he wrote this in response. I don't know...just sayin'!
Geesh this guy!

Fit1

[LatinTigress]

OMG. I actually had to laugh because it's exactly the story of my relationship with my boyfriend from the beginning to our most recent fight (which was this morning). I would have like that the author would have given a little hope to the men in the relationship.