[isntlifewonderful]

I love the way I experience love. When everything's good it's PERFECT. None borderlines wouldn't get that. However, as both me and my girlfriend have BPD our fights are horrible. Suicide threats, accusing each other of **** (claiming the other person loves hurting us, don't care, are as abusive as our exes, she says it's my fault she relapsed into her heroin addiction etc) and yeah... we just hurt each other so much. It hurts like hell. And the day after a fight like this, everything's back to normal and we can just feel genuinly happy, cuddling in each other's arms again. How do you handle these kind of emotional rollercoasters? Have any of you been in a relationship with another borderline before?
Also, is there anyone else on here who finds it EXTREMELY hard to express positive feelings? I'm not used to it... there's so much I want to tell A and not a single minute goes by without me thinking about how ****ing much I love her. I know she wants to hear it, but I just become speechless everytime I try to tell her. The feelings are too strong.

[Kimaya]

I got lucky. Mine is just passive and attentive. Of course he is, otherwise all hell breaks loose... aaaahaha jk Sort of.

My husband is a pathological liar due to GAD and fear of disappointing a loved one. We definitely have our fights. Being BPD with major trust issues versus the anxiety driven lying routine.... not the best combo. Usually its me in a furious rage with him affecting innocence denying my accusations to the bitter end. Sometimes we never find out if what I thought was true, or not. I would love a lie detector. I don't know what would happen if he was BPD... the good is needing each other, but then the bad would be who's taking care of who here? Hehe. Because of our problems/strengths I think we love each other on a level that two BPD might, or need each other I mean.

Tell her... write out what you want to say first so you know it in your heart and mind. And help her too... if you can. I have no experience with heroin addiction, by my partner is an abuser so I know how impossible it is to try to help someone help themselves when it comes to drugs.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I love the way I experience love. When everything's good it's PERFECT. None borderlines wouldn't get that. However, as both me and my girlfriend have BPD our fights are horrible. Suicide threats, accusing each other of **** (claiming the other person loves hurting us, don't care, are as abusive as our exes, she says it's my fault she relapsed into her heroin addiction etc) and yeah... we just hurt each other so much. It hurts like hell. And the day after a fight like this, everything's back to normal and we can just feel genuinly happy, cuddling in each other's arms again. How do you handle these kind of emotional rollercoasters? Have any of you been in a relationship with another borderline before?
Also, is there anyone else on here who finds it EXTREMELY hard to express positive feelings? I'm not used to it... there's so much I want to tell A and not a single minute goes by without me thinking about how ****ing much I love her. I know she wants to hear it, but I just become speechless everytime I try to tell her. The feelings are too strong.

i did try, but we didn't make it to the relationship part ( i was the more intense of the two of us) so it blew up before it had a chance.

i really did think it was a good idea because i thought she would "get' me and we could support each other through our meltdowns. but i just wanted too much, needed too much and i guess she wasn't emotionally prepared for all that.

i have found it is pretty much impossible for me to manage the emotional roller coasters, i did give it a good go though.

[Trippin2.0]

No I've never been with another borderline and can safely say I wouldn't want to be.

My previous relationship, minus the abuse toward the end and even his drug abuse, was very rollercoastery, addictive, and in hindsight actually pretty toxic. What I mistook for passion, was a toxic rollercoaster. Our fights ( on my end ) got uglier and uglier over the years as he eventually brought out the worst in me.

( It will become clear why I reference that crappy ex now ...)

My current bf? He's my anchor, when I'm attempting to capsize our ship, he's the calm when I'm a raging storm. He doesn't indulge my BPD *****fits and has actually learned how to diffuse them instead of fan the flames...

He's good at setting boundaries with / for me, which I (obviously) suck at. Boundaries that I need, and appreciate.

We balance eachother out, and our personalities compliment each other's, just like puzzle pieces that fit together, and I've learned that this balance, this opposite of me, is something I personally need in order to have a healthy, happy, sustainable relationship.

Also with him, I've learned that passion doesn't equal rollercoaster.

I don't need him to "get" me, he accepts me and loves me warts and all. My therapist "gets" me, you guys "get me" and this is all much more than I had ever hoped for in the past...

I have zero issues with expressing positive emotions, unless you count expressing them too much? Lol, but its something I've been working on. To not be overwhelming. It is however MUCH easier for me to write out my feelings as opposed to verbalizing them...

Maybe you could start with digital greeting cards? Find one that says how you feel and send it to her. Maybe searching through them will give you some inspiration. Not everyone is comfortable with expressing themselves verbally, words aren't the only language we speak. So find the medium that suites you, and I'm sure she'll appreciate the efforts you make at communicating your feelings for her.

[Fuzzybear]