How to stop being so annoyed by people

I have written on here before how people annoy me. I want to change this but don't know how. I am in therapy learning some DBT skills, but don't see the psychiatrist again for a couple of weeks.

Here is how I get "annoyed" by people...Let's say I go to the mall. Someone may not hold the door for me, or I hold it for them and they don't say thank you and I get pissed off (I am Canadian so yeah we have the whole super polite thing going). I find what really bothers me is I look at people I don't know and they just annoy me. For instance if I see women dressed a certain way (say whatever the latest trend is) I get annoyed and think "get an identity you follower". I may be in the food court and someone is talking really loud and that annoys me. I see the negative...I don't look at someone and think "they look nice" no I look at someone and think "they look like a jerk".

Now-this makes me sound like a huge super b----. But the thing is. This really isn't who I am. I see the good in people. I may have nasty clients that everyone hates and see the positive and good in them. I treat others well, and can always see past the negative. So why when I am out does everyone just piss me off? I have ADHD and I think that is a big part of it. Now that I am off ADHD meds I get super annoyed by noise. With ADHD you are hyper aware to everything going on around you. I notice everything...and I have trouble tuning things out.

I just am wondering if there are any DBT skills or other skills that people know that can help me to deal with this?

Thank You
Misfit

You sound like you're probably sensitive to stimuli.That's fine many people are. DBT skills are good to work with but they are still "work." When you see someone or something that is annoying you can start by putting some "space" between you and the event. For example, If you see someone wearing trendy clothes and that triggers anger in you and automatically you want to judge them. Your mind will probably go ahead and make the judgement. Instead of getting all upset observe the judgement and simply note that you are making the judgement. No need to judge that you're making a judgement just note "I'm judging that person." In time you may or may not figure out why you're judging them but for now just take a moment and notice it. You'll be surprised how healing that small amount of space is.

Could it be a reaction to high levels of agitation? What other meds are you on and have you always been this way?

I get really annoyed with people too - probably a lot of BPD do?, I do not have a real method to change my internal reaction though, just my external. I know when I am experiencing really high levels of agitation it is much worse.

One thing I do pretty much all of the time now, and I think it is more a form of crappy defense mechanism to negativity (rather like splitting) is I immediately rationalize why someone would have done something rude like that. Like with the door thing, I might go to myself: oh they probably thought it was more polite to be less obtrusive and quiet. It doesn't have to make a ton of sense and I don't really seem to be in much control of it, its just sort of developed on its own...

But maybe a positive way to try to do it would be when you look at a person and you have a negative thought, and you realize it, try to give them a positive. Just one. Challenge yourself! Sort of like critiquing someone's art work or writing. Even the really crappy stuff.

Thanks guys. I think just observing is a good start for me. I remember that now with my therapist. I remember he made me actually do this very disturbing anger exercise to help release my anger. He was trying to demonstrate to me that the anger is there-and repressing leads to so many problems.
Misfit

Hi there.

I totally understand and boy do people make me angry!!! I too am a nice person and I don't like the fact this agitation is in me, but people really do make me crazy mad. All I see are selfish, greedy and damn right jerks all around me! I must add, I am HIGHLY sensitive so it doesn't take a lot to upset me.

I used to just get upset by people and people used to make me feel uncomfortable but now all those feelings have turned into anger. I am angry at ppl for making me feel this way which is total bull crap as I know it's me I should be angry with! I am finding it hard to take responsibility!

I am a nice person, I am a good person but I have a severe issue with my anger and agitation towards others. I treat people with a lot of respect and sensitivity...problem is, that leaves my standards for others behaviour towards me very high,....maybe even unrealistic.

So I totally understand and I am trying to work on it but without being in therapy, I feel it's an impossible task. I am on a damn waiting list and it seems to be taking forever!

So no, you are not alone and I hope we both find way to manage the negative feelings as the only people they truly hurt, are us.

That sounds exactly like what my T would say. He's always telling me to observe stuff.

For example, If you see someone wearing trendy clothes and that triggers anger in you and automatically you want to judge them. Your mind will probably go ahead and make the judgement. Instead of getting all upset observe the judgement and simply note that you are making the judgement. No need to judge that you're making a judgement just note "I'm judging that person." In time you may or may not figure out why you're judging them but for now just take a moment and notice it. You'll be surprised how healing that small amount of space is.[/quote]

Hi Stardust I just wanted to say thank you for this-I have been using it and it's been helping me. Today in my session with the psychiatrist we discussed non-judgement, so it's even more helpful now. Just wanted to say thanks again (and to everyone who replied as well)