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  #26  
Old Aug 10, 2014, 04:42 AM
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Kimaya Kimaya is offline
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I am in a good marriage, and I have some horror stories from it too haha. :3

As for male BPD, the only male BPD I know is my father. As personalities are heritable, I would say male BPD goes under-reported, but there is no real research on it.

Our BPD traits are really similar except in a few areas... interestingly enough. He is reckless with his life, and I am careful with mine, I cry and he yells, although we can trade if the situation calls for it. The stuff that is the same: hair-trigger anger to lies/BS, not fitting in, not connecting to people, and not being able to adapt, no tolerance for working with people who do not do their job right, impusive behavior to run from any painful situation no matter the consequences, SI pretty much every day, impulse spending and eating, clinging to our partners.

I think one thing is really helpful for BPD is to have a partner who works with you, whether or not they are supportive/great/whatever they fill a necessary role for BPDs survival. I feel like that more than gender factors into how well a BPD functions and survives. Of course, here again, there is no real data.
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  #27  
Old Aug 10, 2014, 08:09 AM
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shakespeare47 shakespeare47 is offline
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^ I agree completely. My wife is a nurse with a master's degree, so, she has some basic understanding of mental health issues (although, I don't think she'd ever heard of BPD before our T mentioned it)..
As far as I can tell, she is fairly healthy mentally, with only some minor issues with depression. So, I get to see what "normal" people act like, lol.

I also HATE lies and mind games... it really bothers me any time it appears that someone is deceiving me, even if it's part of a "joke".
  #28  
Old Aug 10, 2014, 04:21 PM
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Kimaya Kimaya is offline
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I also agree men are probably a lot less likely to seek help...

@Shakespeare - There was a time in my twenties that if I thouht someone was insulting my intelligence with a mind game or a lie that they thought I would be too stupid to figure out I would turn into Rosemary's Baby with insults that I made sure went beyond the offender's shallow understanding or ability to think up on their own, and fiercely spiteful behavior.

Now I pretend to be oblivious or good natured about it and file it away but they get the enemy label... sigh. So many of them profess their innocence but its just too hard a pill to swallow for me... even now. When I see other people playing superiority mind games with a simple person I have to grind my teeth to stay out of it.
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  #29  
Old Aug 10, 2014, 07:40 PM
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I've gone over the top at times.. I know what you mean. There was a time when I would not tolerate any kind of disrespect, real or imagined.... But, now I look back at just how much power I gave people. It's like I was telling them "you have a lot of power over me... if you say the wrong thing, it will ruin my day". I suppose I turned the table on a few of them, and gave caused them to have a bad day... but, it just wasn't worth it.

It seems there's a pretty good guy at my core somewhere, and he's really not the spiteful type. I still feel like I have to protect myself from people. and if someone says the wrong thing, I may limit my exposure to them, until or unless they prove they are someone "safe".

"Trolls" exist in real life, too. They don't just inhabit the internet.
  #30  
Old Aug 10, 2014, 08:10 PM
seltsambpd seltsambpd is offline
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I guess that even the saying of "BPD is more in women" maybe is not true. It is more unacceptable for men to express feelings.
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  #31  
Old Aug 10, 2014, 10:05 PM
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Originally Posted by shakespeare47 View Post
I've gone over the top at times.. I know what you mean. There was a time when I would not tolerate any kind of disrespect, real or imagined.... But, now I look back at just how much power I gave people. It's like I was telling them "you have a lot of power over me... if you say the wrong thing, it will ruin my day". I suppose I turned the table on a few of them, and gave caused them to have a bad day... but, it just wasn't worth it.

It seems there's a pretty good guy at my core somewhere, and he's really not the spiteful type. I still feel like I have to protect myself from people. and if someone says the wrong thing, I may limit my exposure to them, until or unless they prove they are someone "safe".

"Trolls" exist in real life, too. They don't just inhabit the internet.
There's where I'm at in my life, too. At this point, I have this protective shell around me, and my #1 priority always is to protect myself and do what's best for me.

If someone criticizes me or tries to put me down, I most often realize it's not worth getting back at them, for my own good. People will do what people want to do ... let them ... and I move on with my day.

Like you said, shouldn't ever give others power over you.
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  #32  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 05:58 AM
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Kimaya Kimaya is offline
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Originally Posted by shakespeare47 View Post
I still feel like I have to protect myself from people. and if someone says the wrong thing, I may limit my exposure to them, until or unless they prove they are someone "safe".
Yeah, I have to limit my exposure too. I do not make friends, although I do enjoy talking to people. And you are right about it not being worth it to take someone down in order to protect yourself because I think it collapses in on itself... in the end, for me, the ongoing conflict was more trouble/pain than to be silent or pretend congeniality - to illustrate to someone how easy it is to be mean when they never get it in the end and you become the villain somehow? Heh...

I wish I would have learned earlier in my life that the conflict hurt me more than them even if it looked like I was ok, and winning I was losing still.
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  #33  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 07:26 AM
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shakespeare47 shakespeare47 is offline
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Originally Posted by Kimaya View Post
Yeah, I have to limit my exposure too. I do not make friends, although I do enjoy talking to people. And you are right about it not being worth it to take someone down in order to protect yourself because I think it collapses in on itself... in the end, for me, the ongoing conflict was more trouble/pain than to be silent or pretend congeniality - to illustrate to someone how easy it is to be mean when they never get it in the end and you become the villain somehow? Heh...

I wish I would have learned earlier in my life that the conflict hurt me more than them even if it looked like I was ok, and winning I was losing still.
I agree.
I look around me, and the people I admire are the people who handle difficult people and difficult situations with poise. They are the people I want to get to know. and I want to be one of those people.
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  #34  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 12:17 PM
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I agree.
I look around me, and the people I admire are the people who handle difficult people and difficult situations with poise. They are the people I want to get to know. and I want to be one of those people.
Same here !!!
  #35  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 02:43 PM
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Heather Unbalanced Heather Unbalanced is offline
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Originally Posted by lilodian4ever View Post
Please note the question mark in my title. I'm initiating an open-ended discussion in which everyone is entitled to their opinion; I am not stating it as though it were a fact.

There are several reasons I'm asking this question, and this is my opinion (feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong):

- Men are not "allowed" to be expressive with emotions (e.g. crying, pouting), simply because of society's wonderful scripts, while women faced with the same situation may be able to seek potential help with an expression of their emotions. This is probably my biggest gripe with the world.
- Literature for men: Hahahahahahahhahahah ... I've spent the last 3 years of my life looking for a book that focuses on the unique challenges faced by male borderlines. I'm still looking. Yes, I know that 75% of borderlines are women, bla bla blue. I guess the remaining 25% should find a black hole to live in ?
- Related to the first point, male borderlines may be labeled as being "soft", "too nice", or even "gay" (nothing against gay folks, just saying it's not necessarily an accurate label), or whatever the heck else we don't deserve to be called, just because we express ourselves more than male nons.

Am I the only guy who feels this way ? Please tell me I'm not.

Gals, I'd love to hear your take on this as well.

Nons, sorry, I won't listen to a word you say.

question for you: when will societies image of the male emotional mind change if there is not lunge toward it by men? women didnt have rights until people spoke up. men should have emotional rights, dammit, haha.

aside from that, i could imagine that a male with bpd could be very dangerous.
dont get offended, i beg. i struggle with bpd, myself. a woman can be very dangerous as well. however, the testosterone breeds aggression. couple that aggression with bpd, and well....

i think it would be very wise for men with bpd to get the same amount of attention. its ****ed up that you feel this way that you felt you needed to post about it. that is the main reason it should have more awareness and consideration.

on the other hand, because men, as you say, are not allowed to show emotion the way women are, it could be a good thing for bpd. women get away with being crazy. were just the typical psycho girl. no biggie. some people even like that. it allows us to feed our bpd and not seek help for it as often as we should.
  #36  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 04:26 PM
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Astriferous Astriferous is offline
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on the other hand, because men, as you say, are not allowed to show emotion the way women are, it could be a good thing for bpd. women get away with being crazy. were just the typical psycho girl. no biggie. some people even like that. it allows us to feed our bpd and not seek help for it as often as we should.
I've actually lost friends because I'm "crazy", so I don't think I got away with that...
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Last edited by Astriferous; Aug 24, 2014 at 04:26 PM. Reason: wording was funny
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  #37  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 05:23 PM
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Heather Unbalanced Heather Unbalanced is offline
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mm thats not entirely what i meant. sorry it wasnt clear. i just meant that because women are "allowed" to be more emotional, it could be worse for us because it feeds our bpd. men, on the other hand, are less able to show emotion. this might starve the bpd. just a weird way to put it all into a different light.
  #38  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 05:52 PM
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Heather Unbalanced - To answer your question, .... I'm not sure. I don't think anyone would listen to men shouting out that they have BPD and want to express their emotions This world is dominated by nons. They'd just lock us up in the loony bin for rebelling

Since I have no control over society or gender roles, I'm mostly frustrated about the lack of literature for men. Why can't there be books for men with BPD ?
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  #39  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 07:31 PM
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Astriferous Astriferous is offline
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mm thats not entirely what i meant. sorry it wasnt clear. i just meant that because women are "allowed" to be more emotional, it could be worse for us because it feeds our bpd. men, on the other hand, are less able to show emotion. this might starve the bpd. just a weird way to put it all into a different light.
Ah, I see now. Thanks for clarifying. I agree with you.
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  #40  
Old Aug 24, 2014, 10:37 PM
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Mustkeepjob32 Mustkeepjob32 is offline
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what an interesting thread! Unfortunately due to my screaming outbursts occasionally, the whole block knows that I'm "crazy." What's worse is I live in Tijuana Mexico where more people don't have any idea about BPD. They just know there's a "crazy" man who lives in the neighborhood who is really nice but occasionally screams and cries uncontrollably for a while.
I hate BPD.
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