New thread.

Having a good day so far.

[atomicc]

Thanks for the new thread!

I'm depressed as heck.

[Verity81]

Whoops posted in old thread. Need to sleep but always get lively at night....

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[Verity81]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Thanks for the new thread!

I'm depressed as heck.

Are there any other grad schools you can apply to?

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[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Are there any other grad schools you can apply to?

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I've applied to another that every one says I'll get in. I guess ivy league was kind of a stretch
There's not others in the area that still have admission open. I can't afford out of state rates plus having to pay to move somewhere new, taking out loans to get an apartment, not having a job.
I just really hope I get into Hunter. I'm just nervous now. I hate not being in control.

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I've applied to another that every one says I'll get in. I guess ivy league was kind of a stretch

There's not others in the area that still have admission open. I can't afford out of state rates plus having to pay to move somewhere new, taking out loans to get an apartment, not having a job.

I just really hope I get into Hunter. I'm just nervous now. I hate not being in control.

That's a real positive step you've taken I do hope you'll get in! Keep us posted and for now try to keep busy and distract yourself from ruminating about it. Treat yourself tomorrow you deserve it!

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[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Verity81

That's a real positive step you've taken I do hope you'll get in! Keep us posted and for now try to keep busy and distract yourself from ruminating about it. Treat yourself tomorrow you deserve it!

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I'm treating myself to blue hair!

[shezbut]

I am not doing well at all.

[Britneigh]

Yesterday was my birthday. I didn't even get cake or a single present other than what I bought myself it sounds silly but it really hurt. Like it wasn't any different than a normal day other than fb blowing up.

I'm having a bad day so I'm eating my hurt and bad mood away. Food of the moment is whipped cream. I might go ride my horse. She loves me I think

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I'm treating myself to blue hair!

Gosh! What an epic way to treat yourself!

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[Verity81]

Went from perky this morning to crying this afternoon now feeling bit more settled..... At least I didn't go bat **** crazy so there is a silver lining!

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I hate sundays they are so boring.

[Withered-Rose79]

Nothing sends my negative emotions into overdrive more than a trip to Wal-mart. Too crowded, too many choices, too big to find what I need, rude people, long lines to wait in... Their signs should say "welcome to hell."

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[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Went from perky this morning to crying this afternoon now feeling bit more settled..... At least I didn't go bat **** crazy so there is a silver lining!

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I hate those days! Well every day is an emotional roller coaster
Glad you didn't go too crazy!

College is not going well, relationships are not going well.

[atomicc]

I suck at sleeping.

[Britneigh]

Relapsed...5 Months clean down the drain.
It felt so wrong but so nescissary. Not like I have anyone to talk to about that sort of thing.
Whatever. Nobody gives a poo anyway.

[shezbut]

I am trying. I really am, but, it sure is feeling hopeless to me. I am resisting strong urges to cause myself harm. It is very hard! I know...you know......

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I hate those days! Well every day is an emotional roller coaster
Glad you didn't go too crazy!

thanks I'm hoping today will be better, feel a little more in control....trying not to pay attention to those negative thoughts!

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Whoops posted in old thread. Need to sleep but always get lively at night....

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thank you so much for your words of support and encouragement in the last thread, i needed that

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Relapsed...5 Months clean down the drain.
It felt so wrong but so nescissary. Not like I have anyone to talk to about that sort of thing.
Whatever. Nobody gives a poo anyway.

hopefully things will get better, had a bad start to the weekend, ended up drinking pretty hard all last weekend, i relapsed early this summer a year and a half down the toilet, i totally understand how you feel. never too late to start over i guess

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Withered-Rose79

Nothing sends my negative emotions into overdrive more than a trip to Wal-mart. Too crowded, too many choices, too big to find what I need, rude people, long lines to wait in... Their signs should say "welcome to hell."

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lol! too funny, that's so true. saturday i went into my local wal mart & i just wanted to throw everything down and just leave. there's like 25 registers and maybe 6 were open, i only had 3 things the lines were so long past the isle and into the clothes! ridiculous, i was like" i don't need this today " if you go in there in a good mood , it;s gone by the time you get back to your car, right?

[Britneigh]

Trigger warningg!


At first I thought, stop you're being over dramatic, its just a moment. People care.
But then I really thought about it and honestly nobody does.
And I guess I will just have to learn to live with that.
I haven't stopped cutting since last night...I slept with the box of blades in my hand because I felt like I had to...I honestly am okay with spiraling out of control and am encouraging it by watching shows and movies that I know will trigger me. Nobody cares enough to notices...heck, my coworker (who I live with) didn't even notice that one of the horses moved...as if she'd notice something like me being different.

So today will be spent hiding away watching movies that aren't going to help and basically throwing a pitty party for one. And not a single care will be given.

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Trigger warningg!


At first I thought, stop you're being over dramatic, its just a moment. People care.
But then I really thought about it and honestly nobody does.
And I guess I will just have to learn to live with that.
I haven't stopped cutting since last night...I slept with the box of blades in my hand because I felt like I had to...I honestly am okay with spiraling out of control and am encouraging it by watching shows and movies that I know will trigger me. Nobody cares enough to notices...heck, my coworker (who I live with) didn't even notice that one of the horses moved...as if she'd notice something like me being different.

So today will be spent hiding away watching movies that aren't going to help and basically throwing a pitty party for one. And not a single care will be given.

It sounds like burn out from all the stress and hard work with the horses?? Could you not swap blades for chocolate or ice - cream? I agree with staying in to rest with movies but do you think you can choose to watch non triggering movies? Resorting to self harm makes the recovery from this slower. We care about you so keep in mind that we do give a damn ((hugz)))

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[Withered-Rose79]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

lol! too funny, that's so true. saturday i went into my local wal mart & i just wanted to throw everything down and just leave. there's like 25 registers and maybe 6 were open, i only had 3 things the lines were so long past the isle and into the clothes! ridiculous, i was like" i don't need this today " if you go in there in a good mood , it;s gone by the time you get back to your car, right?

Exactly! I try to avoid going at all cost. The moment I walk through the doors my anxiety goes through the roof. I feel claustrophobic trying to maneuver my buggy around all of the idiots that get in my way. My anger and blood pressure both go up. By the time I exit the building I feel like I need two days to recover from all of the negativity flowing through me from the experience.