I'm not sure if this is a borderline thing or if I really need to have a chat to someone about further diagnosis lol

I find that my day to day life tends to be a series of 'risk assessments'. I will look at everything I am about to say/ has been said to me/ my actions/ their actions and find every angle I can. I will then base any further actions on avoiding the worse case scenario/s.

I fear being wrong. I fear making decisions out of my fear of being wrong. I hate taking responsibility in the hopes of avoiding being wrong and being judged.

Being judged terrifies me and so I try to blend into the background. I try to avoid notice including for anything positive. I want to be that vague blur in the background.

On the bright side this habit means it's easier to tell when something is off with me. If I'm drawing a lot of attention to myself/ blurting things out/ not being strictly PC then one can be pretty certain there is something going on.

One of the drawbacks though is that I have a tendency to come off as not a team player.

I prefer to work in a team (diffusion of responsibility). I do everything I can to help and follow orders (with excessive enthusiasm lol To the point where I almost won't do anything without strict instructions) but when it comes to rewards I have a tendency to say "you did well" instead of we.

It's not that I don't feel I'm part of the team. It's that I feel I didn't do enough or that by including myself I'll be judged as over confident.

That's probably more of a self esteem thing but can anyone relate? Do you think maybe I should bring it up with a T?

[Astriferous]

That actually sounds a lot like social anxiety and perfectionism. If it's bothering you, then talking to your T will help.

I can relate a lot to that because I have SAD, although since getting my self-esteem back to a somewhat stable level, I've become a lot better. Around 2 years ago, it was really hard for me to go to events where I didn't know anyone. Now, it's easier. I think what helped me was a mix of CBT and DBT.

[Notoriousglo]

OCD? maybe. I would definitely mention it.

Originally Posted by Astriferous

That actually sounds a lot like social anxiety and perfectionism. If it's bothering you, then talking to your T will help.

I can relate a lot to that because I have SAD, although since getting my self-esteem back to a somewhat stable level, I've become a lot better. Around 2 years ago, it was really hard for me to go to events where I didn't know anyone. Now, it's easier. I think what helped me was a mix of CBT and DBT.

I was leaning towards some sort of social anxiety myself. I don't go anywhere that isn't absolutely necessary these days and I think I may even be able to pinpoint a trigger.

I was just really hoping that maybe it was just some sort of hyper vigilance or something. I really could do without something else to deal with.

[Verity81]

I have always been very vigilant and try to avoid worst case scenarios. I do think it's linked to BPD as in group we were discussing the different emotional systems of drive/threat and soothe and all of us have huge threat systems.

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[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

I was leaning towards some sort of social anxiety myself. I don't go anywhere that isn't absolutely necessary these days and I think I may even be able to pinpoint a trigger.

I was just really hoping that maybe it was just some sort of hyper vigilance or something. I really could do without something else to deal with.

It could just be hypervigilance, but hey, you never know.

[Kimaya]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

I was leaning towards some sort of social anxiety myself. I don't go anywhere that isn't absolutely necessary these days and I think I may even be able to pinpoint a trigger.

I was just really hoping that maybe it was just some sort of hyper vigilance or something. I really could do without something else to deal with.

I think it could be hyper vigilance and agitation at those boundaries being crossed or your standards not being met. My psychological profile shows me as a perfectionist (but to myself) and hyper-vigilant. I am always on guard for a situation which can cause problems and extremely cautious of my wording.

I do also have other obsessive behaviors though.