[palemoss]

my bpd flares up but i had the longest relationship as of it this year, which i'm proud of (6 months).

as you know though i argued with him and dumped him, for a good reason. i know he is not right for me, but i feel guilty and have the urge to ask for forgiveness from him and beg for him back.

this is classic bpd.

i feel though that if i want to get better i shouldn't contact him. it's practically silly - he is not future husband material and not that great of a guy anyways. but i still have this urge to contact him, it's a weird seductive control thing i have.

anyone else feel the same?

what's the more healthy thing to do? accept that it's over.

[Astriferous]

I think that the healthiest way to deal with this is to accept that it's over. It's easier said than done, though. When I'm trying to move on from a relationship, I like to distract myself with getting really involved with knitting or reading. Reading is so cathartic to me because they make me feel like I'm not alone. Sounds cliche, but it's true.

[LOSTnowFOUND]

Yes I deal with this daily. I am married but I seek out emotional and physical intimacy when feeling neglected by my H. Never understood why I seek out attention from other men. All that being said it literally comes up everyday that I want to contact the man I was having an affair with. It has been 18 months since we have any physical intimacy and almost 1 year since I have spoken to him. I still everyday have the urge to contact him. I ended it because I don't want to cheat on my husband. I don't want to continue the cycle of cheating and guilt. I know your situation is different but I can complete relate to wanting to reach out. It's a comfort thing and also to know that someone wants you. That's not to say my H doesn't but as you know with BPD we perceive things differently. I consider myself to be "clean" now for 18 months. It's the only way I know how to describe what I am fighting against daily. It's like a substance abuse addict wanting to get the next high for me and as such I feel like the drunk just trying to recover and not take the next drink. I guess my point to all this is to say if the relationship is not a good one then you aren't really seeking this person out because you love them but because you miss the intimacy and feelings if being wanted. It's a struggle but do not give into those feelings.

[greyclouds]

Yes this is very common, I spent 4 years of my life doing this with my ex...

I knew we had no future. He made my bpd uncontrollable.
And just when I thought I could walk away. And finished it..

With in 2 or so days I would be texting him again and we would be back where we started.
The final straw I ended up in hospital due to my own manipulative behaviour. It was the lowest point of my life.

Still now he tried to come back in to my life. And when I'm lonely it's so hard not to let him in again.

I think staying away from this person is the best thing to do... Don't make the same mistakes as me...
When you get the urge to text find a distraction. Maybe text another friend!!



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[Fuzzybear]

[ifst5]

Don't do it. You'll feel ridiculous not to mention feel utterly powerless. Don't give him that much control over you.

I'm going through this now too.

6 months after going no contact and I still feel the urge to contact him. Usually to scream at him though. Sometimes because I remember how good the good times were and I miss him.

What stops me is my stubborn unwillingness to be seen crawling back to him. He won't use me again. I will not play his games.

Still can't figure out if it's the BPD or some sort of N addiction lol

[fletch33]

I went through this with my ex-boyfriend for over a year while dating my current beau. Get rid of the guy if he's no good for you. It's not worth your time. It can ruin current relationships and future relationships. Clinging onto the ex never helps, unless he truly is worth the clinging. In my case, my ex was not worth and is still not worth it. This is a BPD thing that I think many of us suffer through. It's the whole "I hate you, don't leave me" complex.