[Zebra821]

I know this was bad. I know I shouldn't have.
My problem is I don't care enough about myself to remember to take it.

I had HEART MEDICATION that I stopped taking when I was 15. I just- didn't care. I have kidney disease and I'm NOT taking medication that I've been prescribed. I'll remember in the morning, oh, I have to do that, and I WON'T. I won't put forth the effort. I've wanted to die since I was a little girl. I've never truly cared about me. I put others before myself to a dangerous degree.

Will it get better? Will the withdrawal from the meds go away eventually?

I was on 200mg of Zoloft, 150 mg of welbutrin, and 15mg of abilify and it's been almost a month. I know those are high doses... I know this was wrong. I just am hoping that eventually I'll get better coping skills and over time not need them.

It seems like I've sabotaged myself. That's the issue. I'm not in the right state of mind. I can't convince myself to take it every day. It's not like this is the only thing I don't do for myself. I shower, but not as much as I used to. I don't take care of grooming habits, I don't go to class regularly, I'm neglectful to my friends.

I wish I cared more. In theory I care a lot. When it comes down to it, I just can't bring myself to worry about me.

[Espresso]

Did you notice anything when you stopped taking them? Was there any withdrawal? Has your mood changed?

[ifst5]

It sounds like you have symptoms which require proper management. No one can make you take care of yourself but please know that with the proper treatment you can feel better. I would talk to your healthcare provider about the apathy and meds habits and see if they can prescribe something that will help you feel more in control. Are you in therapy? Therapy AND medication is usually the preferred treatment for BPD. I wish you well.

[Zebra821]

I have noticed a terribly significant change in my mood. I'm so depressed. I have those urges that I used to get, to pull my teeth out or break all my fingers or hit in my face with a hammer. I just am praying and hoping it will go away if I just do therapy.

I went to my old therapist yesterday and she really advised me to get back on the meds. I took them today again for the first time. Now I feel like I failed.