[misfit77]

I am so sick of crashing. I am trying to not cry again at work. It started the way it always does-a week or so of irritability, then crash! depression. I don't think DBT is helping. I don't think anything helps. I don't feel it will ever get better. I am always tired, sore, depressed. I just keep gaining weight and I have no motivation to try to lose weight because my body won't lose weight. I follow weight watchers, exercise etc and then nothing happens, but if I actually eat dessert a few days in a row-bam! I gain 2lbs. (yes I have had blood tests but nothing comes up).

My psychiatrist feels I am just BPD...maybe there's depression there, maybe there's AD/HD there, but all my problems are BPD related. I just don't think it's the case or I don't know. I am sick of being affected by everyone else's moods...so maybe it is BPD. I went to him because I keep crashing like this. My relationship with my common-law husband is not the greatest and probably the cause of so much of this. He's not affectionate-he's stressed out and works insane hours which causes me to have to do everything and get mad at him and resent him. I have asked myself so many times why I am with him because there doesn't seem to be much love anymore. But then, I think it's just because I need someone who is more positive. He drags me down because his work is really stressful and he works so much. But is that fair? I can be a grumpy b---- but he has to be happy and positive all the time to not set me off? And if I was with someone who was always happy and positive would they want to stay with me, wouldn't I start bringing them down? Sometimes I think I am better just being single because relationships just seem so hard...but then I flip out because I am single and don't want to have to be alone (even though I was alone for a long time). When I lived with my mom she used to bring me down a lot too. I can't seem to separate myself from people's emotions.

Anyway-I wasted enough time at work...I better do some actual work. I feel bad wasting my company time (actually the taxpayer's time really since I work for a government funded service)...but what can I do when I can't think and can't stop crying?
Thank You for listening.

[kaliope]

it sounds like dbt is the answer if it is others emotions bringing you down. it is about sorting out and owning emotions that are yours to deal with and not. it was very helpful for me. I used to go from 0-60 in getting upset about things. I wouldn't know why I was so upset suddenly. I took the intro to dbt course 3 times just so I could really get it. and all that emotional **** just went away. I realized just because you had a fire in your front yard didn't mean I had to get upset about it. life is so much more peaceful now not getting upset all the time. give dbt a chance....take care

[Bradley29]

I can totally relate! Crashing is the worst! Tangled up, out of control emotions are terrible. There has got to be brighter days up ahead!

[HD7970GHZ]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I think you owe it to yourself - to take some time and be kind to yourself. You deserve to be loved.

You clearly have a lot of compassion for others - and I think you put a lot of energy into how you affect others whom you interact with. While it is important to remain aware of these things - and own up to the mistakes that we inevitably make on our journey through life - it is also VITAL to forgive ourselves and know that we are fallible. No amount of therapy, no amount of awareness or DBT skills can take away our tendencies to make mistakes - and I especially know this from personal experience.

Everyone makes interpersonal mistakes. Everyone feels guilty for things they've done and said and how they may have ruined others lives through the challenges they bring to the table... But we have to remind ourselves that our feelings and our problems are there for a reason, and dwelling on the fact that we did this, or did that in the past - is a trap that leads to more guilt and shame than we can handle... It can bog us down and stunt growth if we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with feelings of, "we are to blame..." Although we may in fact be to blame in some cases - what happened in the past - stays in the past: what matters is how you utilize those mistakes and learning(s) into moving forward, while trying your best not to repeat them.

I feel so much guilt for things I've done in the past. I find that when I re-enter therapy - I am caught up on these feelings of guilt - and before long my therapist says, "that's enough - haven't you beat yourself up already? Let's move past this..."

This caught me off guard the first time it happened - it was almost rude - and I took it as a very invalidating statement... To brush off my feelings of guilt for my past mistakes... It hurt me at first. But the truth is I was dwelling on them far more than I needed to - and hearing someone else say that - was extremely validating. When I thought I needed to spend time on my guilt and shame - I realized that I had spent so much time dealing with it - that I never really moved past it: and that is the point of dealing with shame and guilt, is it not? To move past it?

Truth is - I feel as though I could beat up on myself forever and always, and I think a lot of us borderlines feel this way. But I also know that in learning to have healthy relationships with others, (which is vital to us borderlines) - I must first build a solid foundation and a stable relationship with myself.

That whole, "if you don't love yourself - you cannot love others," bit has some validity, at least, for me it does.

In saying this - I feel very hopeful for you. I think you are a very insightful human being - who has a ton to offer both yourself and others. I just think you should cut yourself some slack, because ultimately - building better relationships with others starts with taking care of you - and learning to take better care of you starts with self-acceptance and self-validation and self-compassion.

I hope I haven't said anything offensive - this is what comes to mind when I read what you wrote. I wish I was your friend out there in the real world.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz