[Jebo94]

Why is it that night time is the worst?

During the day things are crap and all over the place. But when It gets to the point of having to give up and go to bed, those few hours of lying there until sleep hits are the hours I find myself crying. The hours I find myself running blades up and down my arm, and the hours I contemplate suicide.

Lately my boyfriend has been so scared to leeave me that he's been staying with me every night. I hate myself more because I can't let him have his own life. I love him being there, but at the same time I don't want him there.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm so exhausted. Yet the time of day when it's 'bed time' absolutely terrifies me!

Like I'm actually scared.

I don't know what to do.

At all.

I give up

[gayleggg]

I'm not sure what it is about night, but I find myself worse at night. Alzheimer's patients have what they call "sundowners syndrome" and start to get worse in the evenings. I saw it happen with my dad, but I can't explain it.

[cryingontheinside]

[Crazy Hitch]

It's probably worse because your external distractions are down to a minimum. There is less noise and less stimulus coming from the outside.

So your brain starts over working on the inside.

It can allow you to get carried away in past events and leave you exhausted over current or future events that keep unraveling in your mind. Although your days are "crap" when you're lying in bed, you're not moving around and the events of the day do not keep you busy.

Have you tried downloading positive affirmation podcasts on your phone or relaxation apps on your phone? You can lie in bed and listen to it with your headphones on. Keeping a journal with a padlock on next to your bed so that you can write it all out may help.

When do you see your T again? (If you see one)

[HD7970GHZ]

I also have trouble at night - which is why I got addicted to sleeping pills. Having just recently come off of them - I am now bombarded with thoughts and emotions every night. I cry every night. When I am waking in the morning - I typically do not get up immediately and begin crying again because of rising thoughts.

Hooligan said it well: alluding to there being less external stimuli at night time - which I so completely agree with. Absolutely this is part of it for me. When it is silent and pitch black and I am alone with my thoughts - I can slide into deep despair in a matter of minutes and be bombarded with suicidal urges soon after. These thoughts pertain to painful past experiences and to potentially bad future experiences. I can remind myself that this happens often - and that it passes like a wave. Instead of letting it drag me down to oblivion - I try and ride the wave and feel out the emotions and thoughts the best I can - allowing myself to cry and release when it happens and remain nonjudgmental. Once it passes - I often times feel shame for ever thinking of suicide the night before...

It's amazing how this continues to happen despite the awareness we gain over time. It's like it's a physiological response from the past - and it happens at night time. Like - over time - we train our brain to be a certain way at a certain time of day...

Thanks,
HD7970ghz