Invalidating self

I wonder if we learn to invalidate ourselves when we have been so invalidated for so long. I am thinking about my dismissal of my emotions not being 'big enough' to post about. I know that I am forever downplaying how I am feeling because 'others have it worse'.

I imagine this is true for a lot of us here. It certainly is for me. I constantly hear messages from my family playing over and over in my head. "You're so negative all the time." "No one wants to be around you." "You have distorted perceptions of reality." "You're just overreacting." "You're too sensitive." And on and on and on.

When you're told things about yourself, especially when you're a child growing up, you internalize them. If you get good messages about yourself, then you'll tend to believe good things about yourself, but if the messages are negative, then you tend to internalize others' negative views of yourself. And it's incredibly hard to change those deeply ingrained beliefs.

Hi technigal, yes definitely if you're led to believe you/your feelings don't matter, you/your feelings are insignificant...........there's a real chance you're not going to feel comfortable talking about them........or your going to be feeling "ashamed" of yourself or "weak" for feeling that way.........or you're going to be thinking others will see it as attention seeking/making a big deal over something...........
But seriously, what you feel really does matter. And there's absolutely no contests here as to who's got it worse. If something's bothering you or anybody, it's important!!!
But if it makes it any easier for you............just by you saying how you're feeling you could be encouraging others to say how they're feeling too............people who like you may be struggling but concerned about speaking out.............because there will be people who can identify with the emotions you may be struggling with.
So not only are you going to be getting support (support you deserve!!!) you might also be helping others too, in feeling understood and in reaching out themselves for support.
So no holding back, hey??!!!

Alison

A couple of my father's favorite quips:

"What the hell's the matter with ya, Bud (me)?

"If you were as low in stature as you are in character, you could walk under a snake's belly with a stovepipe hat on!"

I'm now in my mid 60's &, in my mind, I still hear him reciting these lines. My emotions are an embarrassment to me. I just feel sorry for myself. Other people have REAL problems...

Hey Technigal,

I am glad you posted!

Do you feel this way around friends? Around your therapist?

Just something I have noticed about myself.... I can't be feeling x due to y. The only one I don't feel this way around is my husband and lately I have noticed I am doing it around him.

There is no post too big or too small.

((((Hugs))))