[IDK_Anymore]

So... My doctor has signed me off until 24/12, which I know I need, as the thought of going back to work is just so overwhelming right now with thoughts of questions from people as to why I've been off, am I ok now (no I'm not f****** ok, and never will be!!). Anyhow I get a text message this morning from My Boss-

"Hiya, we need to chat about when you're thinking of returning can you call me this afternoon cheers xx"

I'm not ready to go back yet! Let alone thinking of when I'm returning!! It's just too much pressure... I can't handle it!! I know he thinks that I've had long enough time off, and that I should coming back now... But I can't! I just can't!!

Maybe I should just tell him that I'm not coming back? I just can't handle the pressure... Maybe I don't want to actually go back? I don't know??

I don't know how long I can carry on this way I just don't!!

I really don't know a lot!! CLEARLY!!

xXxDONExXx

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[Frankbtl]

Hi IDK Anymore, well it's good news that your doctor seems to be taking your problems seriously. And the fact that they've signed you off takes the whole "when you're thinking of returning" to work, out of your hands. Your boss can't really dispute a professionals opinion, no getting away from it, it's a medical fact that you're not ready yet.
Although I'm not sure if the text was meant to put pressure on you in returning, I don't know, you know them fairly well..........???
I'm just thinking it might have been more of a formality in getting an idea around any arrangements they may need to make for your absence or return???
And it does sound kind of friendly.............?? I'm tempted to say too friendly coming from a "professional" , but maybe that's a good thing in the situation????
So yes, you need to give it time till you're ready to return, and just focus on getting the help you need to start feeling better. Work can wait right now, you/your well-being is the most important in all of this.

Alison

[IDK_Anymore]

Thank you Alison you always help me look at things differently

I'm struggling a little bit right now, as I'm trying to come to terms with being diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder! At first I thought it was good to know so I could really look in depth of the Disorder.... However now I'm not so sure, but looking in depth at it I've come to realise that I could have probably written it. I've always known that something was wrong other than depression, but never admitted to anyone my thoughts, feelings and self harm.

Now with the boss texting me, has just put another spanner in the works.... I'm just not sure if I can do this anymore! I'm sick and tired of actually being sick and tired .

BUT!!! I am so grateful I found this site by chance, and so grateful that I feel listened to by you. ((((Alison))))

xXx

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[IDK_Anymore]

Oh and to put the icing on the cake... The ex has just told me "You need to work"!!

No s**t Sherlock!! I'm so angry right now!! He thinks that saying it in a joking manner is ok, and that he doesn't mean it horribly!! Whatever!!

Oh and let's not forget that I'm actually letting him stay with me right now, as he has nowhere else to go!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rant over

xXx

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[Frankbtl]

Hi IDK Anymore, getting a diagnosis (not only of BPD!!!) can for some people feel scary, like there's no way out, like a label/identity pinned on them, like it makes everything they're going through that much more real.............but I'd say that your initial instincts in finding it helpful in knowing so as you could learn more were spot on. So maybe trust in them/try to hold onto them a bit more???
And in the information you're going to find, don't forget you're also going to find information on managing it/coping with it/overcoming aspects better, and support in some of the things you might be struggling with. So don't just get stuck on the "list of diagnostic criteria" hey??
There's a whole lot more to it/to you than that.
And you aren't just a label anyway, right??!! It doesn't need to completely define who you are...........so I'm glad you found here where you can get more understanding and support in the way you're feeling, the BPD, and in being you.

Alison

[Frankbtl]

Hi again
Re: the ex..........Could try telling him that you have a job right now- his landlord (!!) so if he doesn't knock off the jokes, you might just have to consider charging him/increasing his rent!!!
But sounds like he just doesn't "get it", maybe you could "educate" him, or try to????

Alison

[IDK_Anymore]

'Try' being the operative word!

Thank you Alison

xXx

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[Fuzzybear]

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by IDK_Anymore

Oh and to put the icing on the cake... The ex has just told me "You need to work"!!

No s**t Sherlock!! I'm so angry right now!! He thinks that saying it in a joking manner is ok, and that he doesn't mean it horribly!! Whatever!!

Oh and let's not forget that I'm actually letting him stay with me right now, as he has nowhere else to go!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rant over

xXx

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If you're dx'd with bpd one of the stressors for you right now is going to be the fact that you are in a relationship in the midst of these thigns and it doesn't sound like he's that wonderfully supportive of your condition. that alone is not going to help. If he's staying with you, he needs to respect you if for the very least the reason he even has a place to stay. Just counter his 'you need to work" with "you need a place to stay..." implying he's not exactly the one carrying the weight of everything himself either. That should shut him up.

[IDK_Anymore]

Thank you yumeikui_merry.
You're completely right. I ended this relationship with him 4yrs ago, because I know that I am better off on my own with the way I am.
It's hard for me also though as he's the father of my son, and he's a very good manipulator, telling me that it's good for our son to have us both round!
I just wish I was more assertive to tell him that it doesn't help with him here

xXx

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by IDK_Anymore

Thank you yumeikui_merry.
You're completely right. I ended this relationship with him 4yrs ago, because I know that I am better off on my own with the way I am.
It's hard for me also though as he's the father of my son, and he's a very good manipulator, telling me that it's good for our son to have us both round!
I just wish I was more assertive to tell him that it doesn't help with him here

xXx

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Ideally a mother and father should be around, that is not something that's disputable. The fact though is that is only with the assumption that the couple is good for each other, provides what is expected to be a healthy environment etc. In lieu of that, it's not necessarily always better to stay together.

I speak from experience. married about 13+ yrs, separated for nearly 4 now (pending divorce), a father of two great boys (and daugther from previous marriage grown and living on her own) The truth is, she should be around them, a realization she's come to recently after nearly 4 yrs being absent. It remains true that the boys would be good to have both of us around but in no way does that say we should be "together". She can be near and see them often enough and have an influence in their lives without being in MY LIFE as a mate. So she will be moving closer but in no way will we ever be back together, the environment of what our marriage was would be detrimental to all in the house.

Again, Ideally, both parents, together ( married or otherwise commited, either way) is great in context of a good loving relationship but his saying it's for the kid and it's best for him is, at best, a manipulation of the truth to get you to let him stay.

[IDK_Anymore]

s4ndm4n2006, thank you.

I completely agree with everything you've said. The children have always come first and rightly so... But like you said in a healthy environment. Which is why I left 4yrs ago... Not for me, but for the children. For a better upbringing.
And thank you for agreeing with the manipulation. It's nice hearing that someone else sees it that way... As in his eyes I'M the one that's messed up :s

xXx

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[s4ndm4n2006]

trust me, you're not alone in thinking that way about it. Far too many people like to point the finger at the other "imperfect" human in their life instead of seeing we're all flawed and contribute to the challenges we face together.