Valentine's Day

Interesting how there are several posts here about being alone on the one day everyone is suppose to celebrate romance, friendship and love. This is the one holiday many not all BPD sufferers can't celebrate. We suffer from interpersonal relationship problems and we are told by normal people that it is virtually impossible to be in a relationship with. How hard it is for them. I wish this day was over. :bang head:

*****Trigger warning******

I asked my therapist how to handle Valentine's Day, being that I am also alone and have been for many years... She replied by saying that some of her friends are single and that it's not always a bad thing. She even brought up the prospect of saving money as one of the pro's of single life... This did NOT help me.

I luckily got sleeping pills from my psychiatrist at DBT - so I swallowed two last night to take away the pain.

I plan to go buy diapers today - and wrap myself up as tight as I can. Then curl up in a blanket with a scented candle burning, a bag of ice - while I play video games with my friend online.

Strangely enough - a girl that I am communicating with wants me to go see 50 Shades of Grey with her - but I am absolutely terrified of meeting her, let alone going to a movie which will surely be triggering for me. The movie will make me feel even more estranged to the concept of togetherness and sex - which is something I desire SO much right now.

I don't want to be alive today and I understand your pain! You are not alone.

The worst part of this will be going to my next therapy session and seeing my therapist and wondering what naughty things she did on Valentines Day... I've been getting nightmares and vivid images come into my mind lately about her - and it's destroying me. Literally the worst physical pain I can get is in having intrusive sexual thoughts about her having sex with others. It is absolutely triggering. Anything to do with sex and valentine's day has been hell. The other day I was walking in the mall and saw a large billboard for Valentine's Day that said, "All you need is love," and I just could not stop myself from running out the door as fast as possible!

Thanks,
HD

I, on the other hand, refuse to give in to the marketing propaganda and all the people who make those who are alone feel this way.

I say ... F$%^ it all ... this is just another fine day in paradise. I'm sick with a cold, enjoying my cough drops and my Vicks Vaporub, and am learning from this experience like I would from any other painful experience.

I'm not hurting because it's that day you claim it is. I'm hurting because I'm physically ill and am unable to do the things I'd normally do - clean my house, go to the gym, etc.

It doesn't bother me what others call this day because it's all the same to me.

Wow Lilodian - I really like how you put it!

Dear HD,

I don't necessarily suggest that you do this, but I would like to share my experience with you.

If, like me, you are able to convince yourself that you will always be alone and that you will never find anyone, life will become much simpler and less stressful after that. Think about it - why are those movies and billboards triggering ? Because, in the back of your mind, there are the what ifs and the but I coulds.

Becoming an extreme pessimist about this can really set you free.

Convince yourself of an eternity of solitude, and you will be able to significantly mitigate the triggers you mentioned. I look at things that used to trigger me, and go, "Ah, isn't that sweet !", knowing fully well that it doesn't apply to me, so I don't need to be jealous of it or them.

Of course, I hope that you never have to convince yourself of eternal solitude, but if you decide to give it a try, know that it will help.


- The lilodian

Valentines day? Firstly, I would just like to mention that I'm annually taken by surprise by the fact that people actually take this day seriously.


If you ask me? Loada bullshyt that I have never subscribed to and never will subscribe to.


It's commercialism at its finest, a made up pointless day that gets people to spend money on nothing. Globally.


Not only that, but it makes the rest of the worlds population feel like utter shyt for no good reason.


Really, people profess their love to each other on a daily basis and couples, couples shouldn't wait for one made up day to make their partners feel special, wtf is wrong with the other 364 days?

Also, couples have anniversaries to mark the celebration of their relationships.


So WTF is valentines day for anyway????


On that note, I am sooo relieved my bf thinks its BS too, it would suck dating someone who bought into all that nonsense.


Rant over.


Ok, to those of you who's weekend unfortunately sucked because of aforementioned made up holiday, I'm so sorry you wasted your weekend feeling bad. I now feel bad for you And I hope you all feel better real soon!!!!!

Trippin: Thanks ! You took the words right out of my mouth !

You're most welcome lilodian Anytime! Hehe

Sorry, previous link was for page 2, I've asked the Mods to delete it as I prefer to do things properly...

Here's the proper link.


The 6 Reasons Valentine's Day is Always Awful | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reason...uck-this-year/

My ex-BPD came over briefly on Valentine's Day, to pick up gifts that I had ordered for his son's girlfriend for their V.D. (we split in July, he discarded me for my "replacement", 11 years younger than I, and 14 younger than himself. His son and I still have a great bond) He stayed for about 25 minutes, we talked about random stuff, and then he left...off to a Valentine's Day date with the "replacement" (he denies they were doing anything, but by the way he was dressed, I knew differently. He lies... A LOT)

The first Valentine's Day we had together, he left me flowers and a beautiful card on the bed, for me to find after he'd gone to work. Last year, he showed up empty-handed, after just two days prior, declaring how badly he still wanted it to work, despite all of the problems/pending separation, we'd been facing. The next day, (Feb. 15th, 2014), I threw him out of the house that we'd moved into together during the honeymoon phase, to begin a wonderful, new life. I had NO IDEA about BPD at this stage, and after five more months of back & forth, he discarded me for....well, you know. Six months later, he tells me, "yeah, we fight, but they're nothing like yours and my fights were"; I simply said, "wait.....".

This should be interesting. I still hurt, and I still wish I'd never seen his face; and this is going to sound terrible of me, but I really hope it fails miserably with the replacement, because then MAYBE my words about studying BPD for MONTHS after he left in July, will finally start to hit him...and I pray, he'll put the denial aside, if only for a moment, before jumping into it with HER replacement. The weirdest thing about all of it, is THIS time, I'm watching it all unfold, but from the OUTSIDE, looking in. It ain't pretty....there's so much more to it, but I CAN say, that due to the additional circumstances, these two had first-class accommodation aboard the Titanic..and it's about to strike ice.

AAAAAAAAAAMEN TO THAT!!! Especially when someone else is getting flowers and that card with all of those special words inside, that were actually meant for YOU!

It is really hard! I happen to like Valentine's Day and would hope it would be yet ANOTHER special day to show me how much they supposedly cared...if I had anyone, that is. Not save it up for that day, but have it be a special extra. Like any other holiday or special occasion.

I hate being alone for holidays, too. Had to rush through the grocery store and avert my eyes from all the STUFF because it was making me cry.