Anyone going through someone they love abandoning them? How are you dealing with it?

My son's heart has turned to stone because I have BPD and because the professional I turned to in order to help my son understand that I'm still the same mother who has always loved him but I have an emotional/mental problem which among other things causes me to feel intense rage - betrayed me.

I think its the rage I stuffed down my entire life - never feeling I had the right to be cared about or loved.

I recently tried to open up that part of my life because at 65 I am aware I mortal and will die and I wanted to hope for understanding I never received as a child and instead I was rejected by my 47 year old son - again I get the same message "you aren't the same as WE ARE". I'm still an outsider not on thesame level with every else like my mother said. I TRUSTED my psychologist to help me with the thing, the relationship the most precious to me more than anything else and instead my son is even more distant.

Some people, incredibly, here, want to say that I don't know what I'm talking about because after all look what I am, I'm CRAZY and so what I see before my very eyes is just the ramblings of a crazy person.I disagree, I have a "voice" that guides me and when I choose to ignore it I suffer for it. So I don't ignore it anymore - and my voice told me this P is bad news.

I'm really ticked off right now that even here, where we try to support each other, I'm told that I don't know what I'm talking about even though the facts support my theory. Instead they invalidate what I say, WHO AM I to accuse a P of being sick or evil or imperfect I mean we all know professionals like psychologists and therapists are FLAWLESS SAINTS.

Here again I get the same message I get everywhere else I must be imagining things and nobody gives a d@mn what I think or feel.

I am very aware of what is going on - hyper-aware I have been all my life, I was SUPPOSED TO BE tuned to "where" everyone else is so I can show empathy and understand. Well as a part of that I have also the ability to sense when a person who once laid out a plan to help me with my son suddenly has nothing to say except "its too bad it has to be that way" about losing my son. I'M NOT STUPID.

I found this online and it makes sense to me so I will leave you with this:

When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears - the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain - there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-kind-betrayal

This is not an accurate summary of PCs response to you. This is how you are interpreting it and not reality.

Yes, precisely, when it stops being the nightmare scenario we've carried with us for years, often since childhood as it was for me, and becomes reality - my mind is frozen and I function for whatever short periods of consciousness that I have in which I am not paralyzed with fear and grief, in which my heart and soul are not screaming inside, the child in me, terrified in a nightmare that is no longer when you sleep, and all around me scurry people in various walks of life, including my loved ones, who hear me, finally, I've given up all semblance of maintaining any dignity I might have had. There is nowhere else to go from here except death because everything I had hidden before - my fears, my shame, my heart-aching loneliness is right out there for the world to see, and all of them walk by me as I lay crumpled, discarded trash disintegrating under the feet to be blown away in the wind and it will be as if I never existed even to my children, the only people I ever fully gave my heart to. All i care about now is finding a way to make the pain stop I can't tolerate this reality, this life.

You have your reality and I have mine - except I guess in your mind what you say invalidates what i know and feel.

You don't even give any reasons to validate what you say - you to so matter-of-factly dismiss and invalidate me - BACK AT YOU BABY

yes you are not alone. as you can see there were several people who related to your situation. stay strong for yourself first then others, take care of yourself first and you'll be able to help others here too.

I have to agree with the other person's statement. We have been incredibly supportive of you here, even when we are unfairly lashed out against, such as right now. No one has called you crazy, no one has said anything against you; we are, essentially, in the same boat as you. To call you crazy would be to call ourselves crazy. I feel like, instead of lashing out in all bold letters, perhaps it would be more helpful to state what you are feeling when you are feeling it using "I" statements, describing your feelings rather than accusing us of doing things.

Maybe take a step back and try to see it from our perspective. I will go even further (and possibly risk any wrath) and say that, if this happens offline, try to understand it from a family member's perspective. I've only been the (both direct and indirect) target of this twice and, personally, it's wearing me a little thin. But I understand where it's coming from. Understand that we're not made of stone and the pain you feel, we're feeling in our lives about much of our own crud as well. I'm not perfect; sometimes I lash out, too. But I know that the people on this forum really are trying to help, even if they aren't perfect. Just like I'm not.

I subscribe all what you have said, miskeena.
Of course, may be misunderstandings, mainly when we only count with written speech. In this case, private messages can be very useful to ask for clarifications.

It can happen that someone's point of view or the way (s)he talked to you can be mean or rude...in that case, you can put him/her in the ignore list. (S)he won't be able to reply your threads anymore.
I know it bc I had to do it in the AvPD forum. I never thought I had to use this option but unluckily, there are people who are best far away from us.

But, in general, I only found compassionate and helpfull people here. It doesn't matter the topic, I always found a friend hand here.