[ThunderGoddess]

Ugh where to even start... Basically I'll just say my boyfriend has lied to me in the past involving other women to my knowledge he hasn't cheated on me although I often feel otherwise but having bpd/bp it's hard to know what's reality and what my fears are causing me to believe. Anyway were on on our 3rd year of dating and I have found myself flirting with a friend of mine over the internet we play video games together.
I felt really guilty for the flirting and decided to tell my boyfriend he said he was sad and didn't want me to flirt anymore and that he will do whatever it takes to keep our relationship going.
Today I was scrolling through his facebook which he allows since an incident of him lying to help build trust now I do not do this often maybe twice a month and my heart is always pounding a million miles a minute terrified of what I might find.
I see he liked some girls picture no idea who she is. I ask him about it and he says he liked it because it was funny......um well its just her face and her friend next to her nothing funny about it. He says he went to college with her but the odd thing is she wished him a happy birthday and he didn't reply at all so I don't get it. I'm just really mad and I hate being jealous and I don't even know if this crap even means anything but I'm in no place to handle it. I've started flirting with the other guy again just to feel like someone cares about me but that dude just wants to sleep with me he doesn't love me and I doubt what I'm doing is going to make me feel better in the end. For me all relationships come with lies and pain. I want to be numb.

[healingme4me]

All bpd aside, can't one behavior, the flirting, be feeding off the other, the liked picture with the statement of calling a general friendship pic(this woman and her friend), 'funny'? Guilt for flirting feeding off a word that appears, for semantic purposes, not the right word ?
You mentioned that the flirtation is fulfilling a need that sounds missing from your relationship. Granted then comes in being mindful of is it missing because of a void from within or is it a legitimate void within the relationship itself?

Jealousy is just one of those emotions that does require further introspection, while minding behavior in its processing..



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[Crazy Hitch]

I think this is really hard on you (((ThunderGoddess)))

Honestly, to feel the need to have to go through his Facebook - twice a month - can't feel comfortable at all - especially because you say your heart was pounding and you are petrified of what you might find.

I suspect that this other guy may be playing you for a fool = he wants sex. Be careful with this guy I don't want him to hurt you emotionally.