[AnxiousSadGirl]

Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

[AzulOscuro]

Hello!
I don't know what to tell you bc it's really pain full when you aré feeling a person going appart or abandoning you.

It's a process you have to overcome. Fill your time with tasks to keep you busy, lay on your relatives and friends, if you have someone to talk with, write here.
It takes time to cure wounds but it can be done. Try not blaming yourself.

Good luck!

[Lonely_Mother_of_On]

I am going through the same thing. My relationship broke up 16 months ago but the pain is still unbearable sometimes. Here are my top of mind thoughts that might help you.
**Remember that Happiness WILL happen again in the future.
**Call a friend or family member who loves you
**Working on making yourself happy and no one else
**Put your pain in the "passenger seat", not the "Driver seat". Focus on the present moment and try to move through your day minute by minute or hour by hour. Don't let the pain take over and drive you off a cliff.

HTH

[HD7970GHZ]

Hey AnxiousSadGirl,

May I ask what happened?

Yes I have recently been abandoned by my therapist... I understand your pain... All I can say is - time heals everything. At least the intensity of it... This is the second time a therapist in the public health care system has abandoned me and I am about ready to give up and go get a job specifically so I can put myself through private therapy... It's terrible. I don't want to trust anyone ever again but I know that I will immediately attach to the next therapist that I am assigned... One thing we borderline's cannot do is stop ourselves from attaching when we need it.

I was in hospital for almost 3 weeks just to get through the denial. That is how I got through the initial shock. Now I've accepted it and I'm starting to level out - but honestly - when it's at the peak of the pain - there's nothing in particular that helps me. Aside from, "holding on," while the roller coaster does it's thing - I don't know what else to say. It really is all about learning to, "ride the wave," so to speak - and allow the emotions and the pain to run it's course. There's nothing we can do about it and fighting our pain doesn't help. I think learning how to tolerate the pain is the advice I would throw in your direction - in which case - learning DBT skills is an asset.

The thing that helps me the most with pain is self-soothing. For me - I wrap myself in the softest, warmest blanket I can find, wear a diaper really snug and rub my hand on a super soft pillow. I even drink a warm beverage. I look up landscape photography. I write on the forums and get my mind off my own problems - if even for a few minutes. I go buy some junk food - I indulge in whatever gives me pleasure.

I hope this helps.

Please hang on. This too shall pass. (Not saying that in an invalidating way)

Thanks,
HD

[HD7970GHZ]

Here's what I am doing right now:

I am curled in a ball, crying in bed. That's what I'm doing to get through this. The event is replaying in my mind over and over... The damage that my DBT team has done to me is insurmountable. But I keep telling myself I deserve it.

[Fuzzybear]

I curl up in my cave... Please don't blame yourself, nobody deserves this pain

[AzulOscuro]

HD, you don't deserve anything bad. Don't blame yourself, please.
When you say the damage your DBT team did you, aré you referring to the therapist you lost?

[HD7970GHZ]

Yes Azul. The abandonment by my therapist has regressed any progress made in almost half a year of DBT. That - and now I will never trust the public health care system as they really messed up bad. I don't want to share much info - but I am destroyed inside because of what they did. The DBT team has traumatized me. Literally. It's very sad and I will be putting in a formal complaint. People like us are extremely sensitive, occasionally people in power need to be reminded of how much impact their decisions can have on us. I'm lucky to be alive and everyday is a struggle BECAUSE of what they did. So much for decreasing maladaptive behavior. My suicidal desire has never been stronger than it is now.

Long story short - I experienced my worst fears by a public DBT clinic. I am lucky to be alive.

[AzulOscuro]

I'm sorry, HD!
People whose job consists in being in contact with people should be the most carefull and cautious.

I work in the public system and I think that I know what you are referring to. It seems as if workers in the public system have less responsabilities.

I hope you can find some help and please, don't think about suicide. You don't deserve it. You have a lot to offer.

[KH92]

My boyfriend couldn't deal with my splitting anymore. We got into a fight and I impulsively broke it off. Unfortunately I've done that one time too many. He says he might be willing to work it out but not until after I'm better. I'm not really sure how to get better though. I love him and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I just can't stop the splitting. And I just say things when I'm upset.

[chasms]

I've pretty much stopped getting close to people because i'm afraid of this. I have one best friend, then maybe 5 ish other friends. I'm only turning 19 so i don't have much Life Experience. When i was merely 13 or so, i lost my best friend. I would talk with him for hours every day. We had a major fight and all of our contact stopped like over night. He then became increasingly hostile about me and bullied me. I also grew apart from 2 other childhood friends. I am just now getting over all of this. I was still extremely hurt and tearful up until i was probably 16. Now i'm more ambivalent. I definitely do not do well with losses. So I've been avoiding any real relationships.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by KH92

My boyfriend couldn't deal with my splitting anymore. We got into a fight and I impulsively broke it off. Unfortunately I've done that one time too many. He says he might be willing to work it out but not until after I'm better. I'm not really sure how to get better though. I love him and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I just can't stop the splitting. And I just say things when I'm upset.

I'm sorry bc I can't tell you any usefull thing.
I don't know if I can ask you this question but I will try and you are free to answer it bc it's very personal.
Is the spliting thing because you need to ensure that he really cares of you.

I remember that when I met my partner on line, I stopped the relation in many ocassions bc a single word or a simple behaviour that made be suspicious that he really didn't care was enough to put space between him and me.

[Getagrip!]

Yes, been living the "dream" for almost 2 weeks now. My spouse and I are now seeing therapists separately as well as couples counseling. I've had 2 visits, he's had 1 and together we've had 1 and she won't see us back until we've had a few more visits. I HATE not having control over this situation. He is not sure yet if he's going to stay or go. He says he has to be happy as well as love and right now, he's not happy. His therapist told him that 1st visit that it sounded like I have BPD. He didn't tell me that until today. I looked it up on here, did the test and scored 43. Well, I thought, that explains alot!! All these years I've been diagnosed with "situational" depression. BPD makes MORE sense. Wish I could've known this before it was too late. I'm so scared it's too late. I love him. Seventeen years is a lot to throw away. Especially, when we might just be on the verge of figuring out what's wrong with me!!!!!

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Hey everyone. Sorry for not replying. I didnt check this post. Thank you so so so so much for responding, I hope you are doing well. I am doing better these days Take care of yourself and thanks once again. Sorry for late reply!!!

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Im sorry for your situations Be strong <3

[AnxiousSadGirl]

You just have to go through the pain It gets a little less painful as the weeks go by but I think the damage stays with you for a long time...

[SparkyCat]

Right now I'm going through essentially estrangement from my parents because they can't handle my mental health. I see everyone around me going back to their families, having lovely days out and just enjoying being with them and yet I can't even risk a Facebook conversation with my parents for fear of them setting me backwards. Right now I'm struggling to deal with it. I'm learning that talking about it makes it easier, and I'm learning to accept that sometimes, I'm allowed to be selfish, and to wish that I could have a closer relationship. I also have to be a realist though and accept that right now, I can't. I'm hoping that things will get better but right now they're awful.

I can't agree more with Sparky Cat - I too am having issues with my family - my sister is moving to another place just 8 months after we had decided to try and live together again. It's been very tough accepting not only that she is moving away, but that my BPD has caused her to feel that she needs that kind of space to feel better. But, we have been talking a little bit, and accepting that fact, and trying to see the positives about it (which, I am very glad to say she has been helping me see the more positive side of her move) I am slowly feeling better. There is no doubt that I can very easily convince myself that my world is ending because I feel it so....but when I meditate, I can see a little more clearly and see that my world really isn't falling apart. Stay strong and keep coming by here - there are a lot of supportive people around.

I wish you love and strength.

[someothertime]

I am sorry your heartbreak. my partner told two days ago that she doesn't want to be with me and that my up and down cycles are too much. she said demand too much and am draining. what can I say? she is right. I am all those and I feel worth less and don't want to be close to anyone..relationship wise. this bdp I feel is destroying my realtionships. but what more can I do? I am doing my psychotherapy along with medications. I guess I just accept the rejection and try move forward. at least the thoughts of suicide or hurting myself don't feel intense. infact I have I do desire to do anything of those things. I ask myself why is it me with bpd? why am hurting others and putting them through though all my ups and downs? It's not fair to ask anyone to put up that. so I guess it is better that she ended things with her. the pain feels over whelming and I am trying to move forward. I also realize there will be a tine she will be someone ne wand the sick feeling in my stomach makes me physically. i just have to live day by day and try to be present in the now.
beth

[AnxiousSadGirl]

It's good to know I'm not alone.

[littlebitlost]

The guy I love doesn't love me back anymore. And I recently got vulnerable and told him a deep secret, and he barely even looked at me after. I want to GTFO of this world.

[aklein87]

In my opinion there is little worse than actual rejection or abandonment for a borderline. Most of the time its just in your head - but when its REAL, it kind of reinforces everything you ever thought. Only makes it that much harder to trust someone next time. Every person has pain during abandonment and struggles to rebuild ability to trust people again, but for a borderline the pain is excruciating. For me its to the point of suicidal thoughts or self harm. And its horrible.

Imagine if you replace the YOU in this situation with your best friend or someone you really care about. Just remove yourself entirely and replace yourself with someone you love. They are suffering and in pain. What would you tell him/her? What words of comfort would you use? Literally go through the process of replacing you with someone you love, and comfort him or her. Then after that image gets comfortable, put yourself back in the scene - and repeat the comforting process. No matter what - even if you did something horrible - NO ONE deserves suffering. Not even you, no matter how horrible you think you are.

[JadeAmethyst]

[PinkFlamingo99]

Me too... My therapist of 5+ yrs. how stupid is that?! It's been over 2 months and I cry all day every day.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Anxioussadgirl, what is going on with you?