[dancinglady]

So I have tried to date men that seem to be normal on the outside. Have had no success over the years. How many here have dated and married men who don't have mental illnesses? I just wanted to do a count. Maybe I should only date men with mental illnesses? I think the normal guys don't want the burdens that come with women with MI esp. BPD.

[falsememory7]

I find it really difficult to date other people that have no mental illnesses, actually. It's not really that I feel like that they don't want the burdens attached (even though that does apply to many people), but more that they don't understand. I just started seeing this guy, and he has no experience with mental illnesses whatsoever. He just doesn't get it. I could go into all of the details, but then this response would be REALLY long. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, it's really difficult. Unfortunately, I've had no success. I'm sorry

I've dated men with and without. I was engaged to a man who was diagnosed with depression. But I've had less serious relationships with men who had no diagnosis, that I know of. And some did.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm married to a person with no MI.

Sounds at first like it would be "easier" (ughh I can't believe I just said that).

It has its own challenges.

He's never lived with an MI but has to watch the consequences and be hurt as a result of my MI.

I don't like it.

[dancinglady]

Thanks for your reply. Does your husband ever want to leave you bc of your mental illness and all of its challenges.

[Crazy Hitch]

It's not so much that he wants to leave me. It's just that we both face challenges. Me, trying to put our relationship into perspective, and him, trying to "stabilise" my emotions that really can go out of control at the worst of times. It's about finding middle ground I guess.

[Sourcherry18]

I'm currently dating a person without any MI. He's never dated someone with an MI before, so I feel bad for being the one who shows him this "dark side" of people...
But I'm really grateful, so far he's supporting, pushes me to go to therapy and tells me recovery is possible. Of course we have our hard times too, he sometimes says 'this is consuming you and it consumes me too', but I think it's all a matter of will.

[jean17]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

So I have tried to date men that seem to be normal on the outside. Have had no success over the years. How many here have dated and married men who don't have mental illnesses? I just wanted to do a count. Maybe I should only date men with mental illnesses? I think the normal guys don't want the burdens that come with women with MI esp. BPD.

My experience is that the only men who are interested in me have serious problems themselves. This has caused me so much grief, pain & heartache. "Normal, healthy men" seem to sense that I have problems and steer clear of me.

Two thoughts: Only I, or others like me, will accept guys that everyone else knows are nothing but trouble. And my troubles are much more obvious than I think they are.

[Fuzzybear]

Yes I have..

However I did date some abusers in the past. (they may have had mental illness or maybe not but they took out their stuff on me and I didn't appreciate it one bit!)

(papa bear often doesn't get me though and I hate to cause him any pain)

I've found that people with or without MI ends the same way...I don't think dating someone with MI makes it more likely to work out. Yeah they will be more understanding but if you're both having a bad day/week/month who is meant to help who? You just end up dragging each other further down.

[Secretum]

I've never been in a relationship, but I'd prefer to date someone with an MI. I want someone who can understand and empathize with me, but I also want someone with a touch of madness and instability because I value those things. They cause unspeakable pain-trust me, I know-but they make for interesting, mature, complex people.

Have you heard Alanis Morissette's song "I'm a b!tch, I'm a lover"? A lot of people have mentioned that the song seems to be about someone with severe emotional instability, possibly BPD. When I hear that song, I can't help but wish I had a woman like that in my life.