[cryingontheinside]

The other day I had some bad news that caused me distress. To make my self feel better I spent 100 pound on in app purchase on a game! Now I have no money and it did make me feel better for a while but no I feel worse

Yesterday and today I can't seem to stop myself from eating . then I feel horrible and hate my self so I make myself sick.

I don't usually do this , just in the last few days , but the spending is something I do a lot and its a visious cycle .

How do I get control of myself and my life ? I'm so mad at myself for not having self control which is making me self loathing and wishing I didn't exist.

I am trying to get better . I don't understand why I have no self control or what or why .

I feel like the worse person in the world right now and a complete failure .

I also keep having dreams about taking drugs . I did this in the past. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle but why do I keep having those dreams ?

I'm starting to doubt weather its possible for me to have a normal life . 😫

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[ThunderGoddess]

I'm sorry about this. It's all so confusing now I often wonder the same thing but I think dbt can really help with this as well like today I don't want to get out of bed and I'm sad but I'm not going to judge myself for it and say my whole life is a flop because of just one day as before I would totally think that and that is the best thing I've learned so far in DBT is not to judge myself it takes away a lot of unnecessary pain while you are dealing with other painful things in life. So if you can try not to judge yourself on lack of self control you will get it under control when the time is right and sometimes we mess up we are humans it happens. I hope you are feeling better today!

[Skeezyks]

Hello cryingontheinside: Yes, I have some experience with this sort of thing. Over the years I spent thousands of dollars on "stuff", trying to fill the void within. I cringe to think about how much money I wasted over the years!

There's a TV series running now on the Public Broadcasting System in the U.S. titled: "The Brain with David Eagleman". Two segments have already run. In this week's segment Eagleman's subject involves how much of who we are is actually under the control of portions of the brain to which we have no conscious access. Something is driving you to spend money you, perhaps, can't really afford to spend, or at least don't want to spend, as well as to think about doing drugs again, & to feel like a complete failure. Obviously, therapy is one possible answer to this. I presume you're well aware of this as an option already.

Personally, I am a believer in acceptance. In my view, allot of the grief we cause ourselves results from our holding ourselves, as we are, up against some paradigm that reflects who we imagine we should be. On the other hand if we can simply come to accept ourselves as we are in the moment then, at least I have found, allot of our inner misery gradually drops away. This does not mean we must stay as we are now permanently. We can build on who, or what, we are now. But being able to accept ourselves as we are now, in the present moment, is the foundation for future growth. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find that self-acceptance, as well as the inner peace that results therefrom...