[Seraphine]

Does anyone else find that they have friends they are intensely close to, some they lose interest in quickly, and some they end up explosively breaking up with? Is it normal for borderlines tip have really intense friendships?

I have a really close friend. Ive lost interest in some or their drama pushed me away (I have enough of my own). And ive have friendships end in huge battles over nothing really. Some my doing some theirs. I have ppl ive been friends with for a very long time make me feel jealous when the same intensity isnt returned or is on some other friend. Friendships are hard for me. I also understand ppl are busy with their own lives and sometimes ppl take that as im not interested in a friendship. My inner circle is small. Mostly just fiance. I dont let ppl in easy. Trust is hard. Does this make sense? Idk. Sorry.

[BadWolfC]

I wouldn't say any of my friendships are intense, that kind of intensity only ever manifests in romantic relationships for me. However, I get bored or I guess fed up with friends, usually only new friends, and just drop them for a long period of time of permanently. I feel like if they don't bother trying to contact me first often enough then they don't matter enough for me to waste my time on them. Or I just get tired of drama. I've had friends who endlessly complained about everything in their lives and tried to get comfort from me when I was way worse off than they were. I think that bothers me more than anything else, it's the reason I've ended several friendships anyway.

[lavendersage]

Originally Posted by BadWolfC

I wouldn't say any of my friendships are intense, that kind of intensity only ever manifests in romantic relationships for me. However, I get bored or I guess fed up with friends, usually only new friends, and just drop them for a long period of time of permanently. I feel like if they don't bother trying to contact me first often enough then they don't matter enough for me to waste my time on them. Or I just get tired of drama. I've had friends who endlessly complained about everything in their lives and tried to get comfort from me when I was way worse off than they were. I think that bothers me more than anything else, it's the reason I've ended several friendships anyway.

The bold would be me, too.

I love the (very few) friends that I do have very intensely. But, then again, all of my feelings ("good" or "bad") are intense. If I'm bored - I'm COMPLETELY bored. If I love you, I LOVE you. Get it? Life of emotional extremes. It's exhausting.

[yagr]

Ram Dass once said, "Right now I love you more than I've ever loved anyone; and I don't care if I ever see you again."

With the exception of my wife, that sums up how I feel about every interaction with everyone, all the time.

[Elektra_]

its a bpd trait... 8/80. black and white thinking. or all or nothing thinking. so if u like someone and they do something u dont like, u think "damn they suck" and cut them off. if u like someone u get to dependent on them and it may scare them off. this is how i work lol i have no friends

[avlady]

i only have my husband and son. i come from a large family, but hardly ever see them.

[SnowLa]

I have my husband and a couple of very close friends but i barely speak to my brother which sucks because we lost our mom last year and we're all the family we have left. I know what you mean about being very close to someone very quickly and then it just burns out. I comfort myself by remembering that people are meant to be in my life for however long they are there and is okay to let go.

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[TishaBuv]

I'm not sure if I have BPD, Dr. says I have 'elements' of it. My friendships and romantic relationships are intense and intimate. I've always had an inseparable best friend or two or boyfriend. I've had crazy relationships. I've had people obsessed with me and I have been/am obsessed with a few in my life. I never did anything so humiliating that I regret. It was always mutual insanity, lol. I have one quite normal friend right now and we go out as couples fairly often. My marriage is crazy. I like interesting people, that is probably part of the reason.

[HALLIEBETH87]

My relationships are rocky. I get irritable quickly over stupid things. I can get close really quick and if they ignore me or don't have time for me it really upsets me and I do anything to make them like me

[Seraphine]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. Familiar relationships are tricky for me, with pd parents who were mostly absent anyhow, but friends and romantic relationships are always huge I guess you could say, really intense, often for months or years, then we become those friends who are close but go months without more than the occasional check in, or end explosively.

[JadeAmethyst]

Same here, but lately....a "trying again" friendship is off and on. I at least recognize the pattern.

[TryingToMoveForward]

My friendships often start out really intense and die disastrously. Or...with just me being ignored or inconsequential. But to answer your question, yes. This is a trait of being BPD.

[Laurielrocks]

I know a guy who does this regularly.... And oh my does he lie lie lie

l

[leomama]

Yeah, without therapy and medication it is.

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

Does anyone else find that they have friends they are intensely close to, some they lose interest in quickly, and some they end up explosively breaking up with? Is it normal for borderlines tip have really intense friendships?

Yes ! At least for me. I do have intense emotions that I sometimes can't seem to control. Most of the time I certainly wish this wasn't the case. I've seen how less emotional people channel their emotions in a different way other than raising their voice or crying too much.
All I know is that it has been this way since I was a child. Now you can call it BPD or whatever you want but it has ruined many a relationship. The thing is that I feel justified in my emotional state at a certain time.

Because of this state of mind I have lost all the people I once new. It's like I'm just stating out of the crib and have no mommy to care for me and no daddy to protect me.
I have to learn the basic skills of living, and more tortuously , with myself , because I am alone. I also have to deal with physical issues , like chronic pain. If I were able to channel the emotional energy I have right now into electricity I would be able to light up all of California at night and daytime.

Yet I can't seem to be able to channel one spark towards a positive result for myself.

I'll tell you this much. I've learned to try and find out what all the triggers are ,or may be, so that I can learn to control my emotional responses.
I want to make a new life and not repeat the mistakes of the past.
And maybe make some new friends along the way.

Besides , losing some of the people I knew was really a blessing in disguise.

[kamikazebaby]

The few people I've become attached to eventually reject me, no matter what I do. I can never be perfect, and that is what people (unreasonably) seem to expect despite being quite imperfect themselves. It's so ironic.

I've given up looking for acceptance, understanding, or true love whether from friends or a partner. I don't try to get close or allow anyone to know me past my surface levels anymore. Certainly I don't tell them anything they can use against me. Vulnerability is foolishness because no one can be trusted not to abuse it.

[Elsie6283]

I get intensely attached to people yes, sometimes in real life but also celebrities or people on TV. I find it really strange and try to hide it from anyone else, normally including the person themselves! However it never lasts, the intensity fades after a few months or sometimes years.
I also find that if anyone does anything to upset me then that's it, game over. I don't trust them again.

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[Unrigged64072835]

Yes I have, and that's why my only friend is my husband.

[Lady Lazarus]

While I have never been formerly diagnosed with BPD, I am the same as Elektra. I have a pattern of becoming friends with people, and the friendships are so intense and personal (mostly on my part) that I end up becoming to dependent and scaring them away. Romantic relationships are also fast and intense. I usually end them though because I either become super bored and fall out of love with them, or I end them to avoid being abandoned by them in the end.

Just curious, does anyone have the same thing with therapists? I know I just got a new T, and I absolutely love her in a non-romantic way. I can't wait for our sessions, and I am super bummed that she will be away on vacation this week. This has happened in the past with other T's. its either love at first sight which leads to a slight dependence, or I hate them on the spot and I will shut down completely.

[Elsie6283]

Yes, lady Lazarus, I used to have exactly the same feelings. Not about every therapist though, just one or two that were especially kind and caring. It's devastating when they move on and you can't see them any more. That's part of the reason why I don't bother seeing anyone any more, I'm sick of getting moved around all the time.

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[Seraphine]

I very very rarely tell one person everything, and usually varying pieces of the entirety. And that's only those I do trust. Those I don't get even less. I've told 3 ppl everything, and though a couple of them don't talk with anyone much lately because of stress (which causes major anxiety in me tbh but I deal with it no matter how much I miss them) but they haven't disappeared or told me I'm horrible, or anything apart from being really kind and understanding, which keeps me positive.