[kamikazebaby]

When you lose someone you love, how long does it take you to process it/get over it/stop feeling a lot of pain over the loss?

[Skeezyks]

Hello kamikazebaby: You know... I think it really depends on what the relationship was. I'm an older person now. So I've lost many people over the years. Some I barely think about anymore. Others are still absolutely fresh in my mind even though decades have gone by. I would imagine that talking about the person or persons you've lost probably helps. Personally I have no one around who even knew any of the people I've lost. So there's no one to talk to about them. I hope you can find what you need in order to come to terms with your loss...

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

When you lose someone you love, how long does it take you to process it/get over it/stop feeling a lot of pain over the loss?

Years. Seriously. It's like all those little sacrifices you make during the relationship come back as one big drawn out "I wish I hadn't".

[moodycow]

sometimes you never get over it ,you just learn to accept and or live with it x

[Seraphine]

Sometimes forever. I've had people do some incredibly cruel things to me, and still miss them from time to time, enough that it's like tearing Terre wound open afresh. I crave the good things about them, and the way they made me feel when loving on me. It takes time to remember how malicious they turned out. Or how they betrayed my trust.
One thing that really helps I found is accepting those feelings, that I have them, and don't need to act on them, but I don't have to deny them and act tough either. In time the pain passes, and I'm ok again. I hope this helps

[CopperStar]

Well the way it works for me is that the pain doesn't ever go away, but the pain only activates when I'm thinking about it. And as the years go by, I will think about it less and less often. It never gets to the point where I never think about it, but it becomes much less frequent, and the pain itself changes, too. It becomes deeper but softer, more bittersweet than wrenching.

[Seraphine]

Copper, you worded that so well, that's similar to how it is for me too, but I'm so tired today that I had no hope of such eloquence.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Permacultural

Years. Seriously. It's like all those little sacrifices you make during the relationship come back as one big drawn out "I wish I hadn't".

This is a brilliant way of describing it. I so agree.

That saying, "It's better to have loved and lost..." I totally disagree with it. It's better to have never loved at all, IMO. I wish I had never learned what it was to really love someone. I wish I had never loved anyone at all.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

Sometimes forever. I've had people do some incredibly cruel things to me, and still miss them from time to time, enough that it's like tearing Terre wound open afresh. I crave the good things about them, and the way they made me feel when loving on me. It takes time to remember how malicious they turned out. Or how they betrayed my trust.
One thing that really helps I found is accepting those feelings, that I have them, and don't need to act on them, but I don't have to deny them and act tough either. In time the pain passes, and I'm ok again. I hope this helps

Ditto. I wish the bad things could kill the caring/attachment, but recalling them only distresses me more. Even the people who seem "good" end up being cruel in the end. I just want all the feelings to go away, because I can't cope with them. They're too strong.

So far the only thing that dampens the pain is medication. When it takes years to get over such things, relationships hardly seem worth the trouble, especially considering the odds of success versus failure.