[YMIHere]

I know I don't come here that often and when I do I feel like I'm vomiting words and I apologize, but life has just been pretty chaotic.

I shared in another thread that I found a really good therapist. I feel extremely comfortable with him. I've been in therapy before (it's been a while) and of course I always got the impression that the therapists really wanted to help, but not only does he want to HELP, he gives off a feeling of CARING. Turns out he used to be a pastor so he has a calmness that draws me in and allows me to open up. To be fair, I'm not THAT difficult to get to open up, but I'd say I've covered quite a lot of ground in 2 months.

OK so now the reason I'm here. Last week he asked to think about what I want to work on. I want to get the most bang for my buck and I have to admit I was having a hard time figuring out exactly how to focus on THE THING that should make life into something that other people would consider "normal." Honestly I don't feel like normal is even in my time zone, let alone vicinity. I feel like constant dysfunction and I truly had no idea where to start.

I will say that the reason I sought therapy at this time was due to my sanity quiz highlighting Borderline which I had never been diagnosed with.

So I point blank asked him today if he had formulated a diagnosis. I feel like doctors and therapists are usually hesitant to let us in on the secret or is that only my experience? When I would explain to my shrink about how my ADD was hampering my life he'd tell me it's not always my ADD. Wasn't big on labels.

I asked already preparing myself to not get a straight answer and I do understand the why for that but figured I'd ask anyway. So he wouldn't SAY, but he was explaining that he listens and looks for trends and patterns.

When I told him that I had possibly come up with what I thought we should be focused on in therapy I then asked him how close I was.

This is when he brought up about the trends etc. and he said that he thought the thing that would benefit me the most would be to work on regulating my emotions. I was about to say, "Isn't that what my Bipolar meds are for?" but then I remembered that's another name for BPD.

So without FORCING him to say the words as he seems hesitant to do, it does sound like that's what he's suggesting, no? Once I'd seen characteristics I saw me ALL DAY LONG. It's funny b/c I often take things literally so that whole fear of abandonment was so NOT ME. Why? Because I will drop you in a heartbeat. Of course then I realize that's my way of making sure I don't get abandoned.

OK. so anyway - by him going into the whole patterns trends and saying that he thinks we need to work on regulating my emotions, it does sound like the unofficial BPD dx, no?

I appreciate hearing all of your experiences. ESPECIALLY with HEARING your diagnosis. Like did they come out and tell you? I truly didn't know my Bipolar diagnosis until I asked for a form to be filled out for Family Leave. I figured I was Bipolar II. Nothing extreme, but I got this "mixed manic" thing going on.

Just want to hear your experiences. Thanks.

[Seraphine]

Sorry but no, bipolar and bpd are completely different things.

[Seraphine]

To expand on that, bipolar is waves of mania and depression, bpd is situational and reactions tip various triggers.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

To expand on that, bipolar is waves of mania and depression, bpd is situational and reactions tip various triggers.

I know this. I've been on meds for years. My question is after 2 months of therapy when he says we need to work on regulating my emotions is that code for BPD? I sought therapy because of the BPD in my quiz. To ME the suggestion of regulating my mood sounds like he has assessed BPD without coming out and saying it.

[CopperStar]

Your therapist has a professional duty to communicate clearly with you. I personally wouldn't put up with a therapist who won't communicate clearly with me, steps around my questions, acts cryptic and so on. Therapy is expensive, aint nobody got time (or money) for that.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

Your therapist has a professional duty to communicate clearly with you. I personally wouldn't put up with a therapist who won't communicate clearly with me, steps around my questions, acts cryptic and so on. Therapy is expensive, aint nobody got time (or money) for that.

My experience with MH is reluctance to label. And he does an excellent job of communicating and helping me see things from new perspectives. I'm not going to hold the fact that he doesn't want to tell me that my behaviors aren't working for me because you have a very hard disorder to treat. My impression of him is he knows the pain I'm in and doesn't want to add to it. He can help me without saying those words. But me being me, I need to label things and research them to death. In my mind it's a yes. His words about regulating emotions sounds like a yes. I was just wondering if anyone else in my position would feel the same way.

And I am still looking to hear other people's experience having heard about their diagnosis.

[Seraphine]

Originally Posted by YMIHere

This is when he brought up about the trends etc. and he said that he thought the thing that would benefit me the most would be to work on regulating my emotions. I was about to say, "Isn't that what my Bipolar meds are for?" but then I remembered that's another name for BPD.

I'm sorry but between this and you saying disregulation and fear of abandonment make bpd and bipolar basically the same thing really is a cop out. Then to say that you already know that after saying they're the same? Sorry bud but you really need to read up on them and stop lumping them together.

[Seraphine]

Also, some doctors dislike labeling ppl as borderline because borderlines have a stigma of being impossible to really help.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

I'm sorry but between this and you saying disregulation and fear of abandonment make bpd and bipolar basically the same thing really is a cop out. Then to say that you already know that after saying they're the same? Sorry bud but you really need to read up on them and stop lumping them together.

I have read PLENTY about both disorders. How BPD and Bipolar are often misdiagnosed for each other and how they are often comorbid conditions. Nowhere did I say that they are basically the same thing. Apparently I'm not articulating well because people keep misunderstanding me.

When he said the focus should be on regulating my emotions, my first thought was, "I'm working on that with my psychiatrist. That's why he gives me the meds. To help me keep my emotions in check." That was what immediately popped into my brain so after everything we talked about, (and there was a lot) I was surprised at the choice because I kind of felt like I've been trying to control that. That's not to say that I still can't use some help from a therapist, but like I said, due to the depth and breadth of that particular conversation, I thought it odd.

Granted, regulating emotions would definitely benefit me. But my assignment the week before was to figure out what I want to work on. Having had a convo with my sister who has always helped me while I didn't have a therapist (she's incredibly insightful), one of the things that her and I highlighted together were my feelings of never fitting in - lacking a sense of belonging. This was a trend that she and I identified throughout my life. The fact that I am NEVER content. It doesn't matter what I have, there is ALWAYS something I am lacking. What I'm doing isn't good enough, I'm not good enough etc.

So after all of this to say "regulating my emotions" I was like OK. Can't deny that that would help me. My mood is often irascible and I KNOW that my emotional responses to things are usually not how most of the people I know would respond. If "normal" is 50 of a 1-100 scale, I'm probably 110 a good amount of the time.

It was only after I had left that his particular choice of words clicked in my head. "Regulating Emotions." Only after coming here back in August had I ever heard BPD called "Emotional Dysregulation Disorder" and the like. So when I left therapy I felt like he sort of told me, without TELLING me for the reason your mentioned - stigma. He seemed loathe to put that label out there.

I should really just let the treatment happen on it's own through therapy (it's going so well). But I'm an impatient zealot, who just wants to know that I am right so that I can continue to study BPD to DEATH! (As IF I'm not doing that now.) This is entirely related to my need to always be right, lol.

So OK. If that didn't clarify for anyone, then I guess I'm just giving up. And I always thought I had excellent communication skills.....

[TryingToMoveForward]

My psychiatrist refused to diagnose me. Though he was putting medicine down my throat. A lot of it. And it made me so angry because he wouldn't even tell me what was wrong with me so I could educate myself and work on it on my own. It was seriously frustrating. So believe me, I relate to you 100%. The only reason I got any of my affirmed diagnoses is because I had a psychologist do testing on me.

I was wrong diagnosed as schizophrenic for almost 5 years. Wrongly diagnosed as histronic (just because I was alternative in appearance). But these people are human too. Ask for psychological testing. That would give you all your answers.

[Seraphine]

Um, I just pointed out precisely where you said they were the same thing. Sounds like you have issues with a major need to be right even when you stick your foot in it.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

Um, I just pointed out precisely where you said they were the same thing. Sounds like you have issues with a major need to be right even when you stick your foot in it.

I know the difference. Apparently my version of American English isn't working for you so we'll just call it a day.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[Seraphine]

I would LOVE to hear how saying one is pretty much the same as the other is nothing more than a language or contextual conflict. Maybe if you pampered your education as much as your over inflated ego, you'd learn a few things.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by TryingToMoveForward

My psychiatrist refused to diagnose me. Though he was putting medicine down my throat. A lot of it. And it made me so angry because he wouldn't even tell me what was wrong with me so I could educate myself and work on it on my own. It was seriously frustrating. So believe me, I relate to you 100%. The only reason I got any of my affirmed diagnoses is because I had a psychologist do testing on me.

I was wrong diagnosed as schizophrenic for almost 5 years. Wrongly diagnosed as histronic (just because I was alternative in appearance). But these people are human too. Ask for psychological testing. That would give you all your answers.

I'm WAY better on meds than off of them. I only found any kind of success once I was medicated. I'm sure with my deductible for insurance I'd end up paying for that whole battery of tests. I have to pay $1500 before insurance kicks in do that's not about to happen right now. Guess I'll just be patient.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

I would LOVE to hear how saying one is pretty much the same as the other is nothing more than a language or contextual conflict. Maybe if you pampered your education as much as your over inflated ego, you'd learn a few things.

Cut and paste my words where I said they are the same thing. You can't because I didn't. I know the difference between the two so I never would have said that. And my response regarding my English is something called SARCASM which you obviously didn't get either but maybe, according to you, it wasn't. Because I'm the one who doesn't know what I'm talking about.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[Seraphine]

I already did. You'd have seen that if you'd bothered reading.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

I already did. You'd have seen that if you'd bothered reading.

You're hilarious. Seriously. I'm done with you?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[Seraphine]

So you're here to simply flap your engorged ego around? Sounds more like narcissism than bpd.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

So you're here to simply flap your engorged ego around? Sounds more like narcissism than bpd.

Guess you'd know.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[Seraphine]

Smh. Have a nice life learning nothing because your ego is so precious as to never be able to be wrong. And yes I do know that type because I've been surrounded by them my whole life.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

Smh. Have a nice life learning nothing because your ego is so precious as to never be able to be wrong. And yes I do know that type because I've been surrounded by them my whole life.

And I've got plenty of intelligent people surrounding me so I don't need to learn ANYTHING from you.

P.S. I've made it clear you've offered me absolutely NOTHING useful at this point and yet you still keep coming back to have your say. This is the thread I started to get an answer to my question. What's your excuse except for your incessant need to blather words out of your gob? I think I feel sorry for the narcissists in your life.

[Seraphine]

Actually I did point out a couple of things. But you were so focused on *OMG I can't be wrong ever even when proven * that you completely missed both of them. Which simply proves my point. That is likely why you get so little from therapy. Because you can't bear being told you are ever wrong. I bet you also self justify even when you have been a c*** with no actual excuse too. Hell, it's even in the title for your thread! Maybe, just maybe, you could learn a thing or two here about mindfulness.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Seraphine

Actually I did point out a couple of things. But you were so focused on *OMG I can't be wrong ever even when proven * that you completely missed both of them. Which simply proves my point. That is likely why you get so little from therapy. Because you can't bear being told you are ever wrong. I bet you also self justify even when you have been a c*** with no actual excuse too. Hell, it's even in the title for your thread! Maybe, just maybe, you could learn a thing or two here about mindfulness.

You're the one who started out as a c*nt not me. And STILL you're here.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[Seraphine]

So pointing out where you were wrong and refusing to let you get away with your bs is me being a c*** yet your superiority complex and inability to actually learn anything from anyone who doesn't bend over for you isn't? Yeah. If that's what you want to believe.

[ScarletPimpernel]

It sounds like you want to have BPD?

BPD should NOT be diagnosed until an adult: 25+? Because BPD presents the same as an emotional delay. Also similar to how teenagers act out.

At 18, professionals thought I had BPD, but they did not give me that diagnosis. At that time, I was diagnosed double depression and anxiety disorder nos. At 31, I asked my T and Pdoc to diagnose me. They both diagnosed me with BPD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I've read this whole thread amd the debating. It honestly sounds like you just want to be right. Even your title: "I'm right, right?"... You seem more narcissistic than Borderline.