[40MaleBPD]

Have just been diagnosed by therapist as BPD, after a year of therapy. I'm a 43 year old professional male, and am still kind of processing what the diagnosis means. Through therapy, I've been able to pinpoint the various issues in my life that I struggle with, and they undeniably add up to BPD. In many ways, the diagnosis has kind of turned a "light on" for me in order to see that I've been struggling most of my life with this disorder, I just had no idea what was going on.

The BPD areas I struggle with the most are: relationship interactions (or lack thereof,) not having a solid sense of self/identity beyond the basics, extreme insecurity, emotional instability (changes in mood,) really dark "episodes" where I am fixated and unable to self-sooth (usually lasts a little less than 24 hours), fixating on a "favorite person", the "self-harm" area for me is not tied to cutting or suicidal tendencies but rather more tied to binge eating/extreme dieting, and I am extremely unorganized in my thinking when it comes to money, no ability to save or budget appropriately. I also struggle with sexuality issues as well.

I think that being diagnosed this late in life, means that I've found various ways to actually function despite my BPD. I have been able to hold steady and gainful employment, I have been able to put myself through school, and I would be considered by outsiders as successful. I have somewhat steady friendships but have not been in a romantic relationship in over a decade.

I've not seen anyone else (online, or otherwise) that quite fits my description. Obviously, we're all different and suffer different aspects of all kinds of disorders. For me though, I'd be interested in hearing from people who are also in their 40's or older and would really like to find another male individual who struggles with BPD stuff. Most of my interactions with other BPD folks have been with much younger people and female. I've appreciated their openness and sharing but I don't relate to a lot of their concerns either.

I don't know if it's just the "type" of BPD I have or if there is a correlation to my age/sex or maybe that I've just now been given this diagnosis?

Anyway, forgive me if I'm not using the right terminology or offending anyone in any way. I really am wanting to focus on this and find a way to make the best of this life and fight this disorder.

Any thoughts or opinions or advice is welcomed.

Thank you.

[bpd70]

Originally Posted by 40MaleBPD

Have just been diagnosed by therapist as BPD, after a year of therapy. I'm a 43 year old professional male, and am still kind of processing what the diagnosis means. Through therapy, I've been able to pinpoint the various issues in my life that I struggle with, and they undeniably add up to BPD. In many ways, the diagnosis has kind of turned a "light on" for me in order to see that I've been struggling most of my life with this disorder, I just had no idea what was going on.

The BPD areas I struggle with the most are: relationship interactions (or lack thereof,) not having a solid sense of self/identity beyond the basics, extreme insecurity, emotional instability (changes in mood,) really dark "episodes" where I am fixated and unable to self-sooth (usually lasts a little less than 24 hours), fixating on a "favorite person", the "self-harm" area for me is not tied to cutting or suicidal tendencies but rather more tied to binge eating/extreme dieting, and I am extremely unorganized in my thinking when it comes to money, no ability to save or budget appropriately. I also struggle with sexuality issues as well.

I think that being diagnosed this late in life, means that I've found various ways to actually function despite my BPD. I have been able to hold steady and gainful employment, I have been able to put myself through school, and I would be considered by outsiders as successful. I have somewhat steady friendships but have not been in a romantic relationship in over a decade.

I've not seen anyone else (online, or otherwise) that quite fits my description. Obviously, we're all different and suffer different aspects of all kinds of disorders. For me though, I'd be interested in hearing from people who are also in their 40's or older and would really like to find another male individual who struggles with BPD stuff. Most of my interactions with other BPD folks have been with much younger people and female. I've appreciated their openness and sharing but I don't relate to a lot of their concerns either.

I don't know if it's just the "type" of BPD I have or if there is a correlation to my age/sex or maybe that I've just now been given this diagnosis?

Anyway, forgive me if I'm not using the right terminology or offending anyone in any way. I really am wanting to focus on this and find a way to make the best of this life and fight this disorder.

Any thoughts or opinions or advice is welcomed.

Thank you.

I'm much older than you & female, sorry, but my feelings have been that at
Last I know why I am like I am & the issues I've had are not because I'm bad. I accept that this is who I am, I have good points & didn't ask to be this way. Not every bpd person is the same so you may not find another quite like you. We are all different & the only thing I haven't done that bpd' s tend to do is cut myself but have tried to end it a couple of times. I always worked & have a very successful daughter. I had many problems with personal relationships, a lot of sexual partners, drinking to excess at times & a tendency to speed & anger issues. My mother didn't know I had bpd & neither did I - she was a pull your socks up & get on with it type. I cant tell her now although she probably wouldn't believe in it anyway. I am on meds for depression. Try not to be too concerned, accepting yourself is number one & know that not everyone will understand but it doesn't matter. You don't owe them anything. Good luck 😁😁

[MobiusPsyche]

I'm a female but otherwise similar in several ways. I was diagnosed at age 18 but didn't believe the pdoc. He interviewed me for less than an hour in a state hospital and diagnosed me as BPD. I read up on the disorder when I checked out of there AMA and decided that I was definitely not going to be BPD. So: no romantic relationships beyond the one I was in at the time (which ended when I was 21); no drinking more than 2 drinks; no drug use; no sex; no cutting (which I had done before); no more psych hospitals; no emotional displays (that one, I was not able to keep up completely but people would hardly call me a "drama queen"). It was a rough and lonely road, let me tell you.

I'm now 43 and my therapist diagnosed me with BPD--well, we talked about it after six months of work together. (I had expressly forbidden her to diagnose me as BPD, so I had to get to the point where I could tell her it was okay if that was really what she believed was the correct diagnosis. That was a difficult discussion!)

The fact that I didn't engage in many of the "symptoms" of BPD allowed me to also be professionally successful and nobody at my workplace would believe I had Borderline Personality Disorder if you told them. So it feels a bit surreal to me, and there are times I still rebel against the diagnosis (more discussions with therapist), but it does fit. I'm starting to approach possibly trying to deal with it, finally, and I'm feeling some peace about that for the first time in more than twenty years.

I hope that you find some peace, too, and the support that you need.