[shezbut]

I have a problem in that I have been holding onto this resentment towards my parents and aunt for many years now. It is personal between my aunt and myself, but the resentment towards my parents is kind of different.

See: My parents raised 3 children (sort of). I am the youngest, my brother (M) in the middle and my sister (J) the oldest. They HATED my sister, so she was half-in/half-out of the home throughout my entire childhood & early teens. J spent a lot of time growing up with my dad's parents and then juvenile hall. Even when J was an adult, my parents didn't treat her well.

Meanwhile, my parents bragged about how wonderful M and I were. I freaking hated it!! It made me gag, and still does. I just feel this fury inside of me. M was/is a piece of **** and I hate him too!

Possible trigger:

M abused me physically & emotionally throughout my childhood. Sexually, when we were young, as well as choking me like mad when I started to fight back.

It is really hard for me to let go of these memories that finally came out of repression several years ago. I cannot seem to do it! While most of me wants to let go, a part is still really mad about it & is tired of blaming myself for everything. I can honestly say that I never felt "loved" by my parents. I have always questioned their motivation for everything, I can't trust them.

A few weeks ago, I went to visit them in California. (My daughters were staying with them) We had a terrific time, it felt okay to be with them. A week or so after getting home, I posted a note on FB that I was proud of how terrific my girls are. A day passes & then I see that my dad wrote how proud he was of his daughters & son too, and all of my rage came back again!!

I do NOT understand how he could possibly make a remark like that when he's had absolutely *nothing* to do with J for 15+ years. And then to add M onto his list of wonderful people?? Aaargh!!! It makes me SICK!

Sorry for griping in here. I just feel like no one really knows what I'm talking about. At least maybe you are able to get this gist.... Thanks.

[Skeezyks]

Hello shezbut: Thanks for sharing your experience. I don't really have any comments or suggestions of any consequence. But I thought I would simply share with you some thoughts of mine that came up while reading your post.

I was an only child. And I do believe my parents loved me... in their own way. (They're long-since dead now.) But perhaps due to who they were & also the times during which I grew up & where I grew up, I was pretty-much left to my own devices much of the time. Back then, kids just grew up. And whatever happened... happened.

Had I been just a "normal kid" (whatever that is) things probably could have gone better. But I had a lot of problems! (I'll spare you the sorry details...) In the end, I had an opportunity to move out-of-state to attend graduate school. I left & never went back, except for a couple of brief visits.

Growing up, my parents & I never talked about anything that was going on with me. It simply wasn't something that was done... at least not in our household. (My mother did try a couple of times when I was a teenager, as I recall. But by that time it was too late. The die had been cast, as they say.) So, as a result, they never knew what was going on with me. (And to a large extent, I really didn't understand it either.)

I believe my parents thought they were excellent parents (& they were good in their own way.) So I'm sure they died not understanding what happened & thinking I was simply an ungrateful & disrespectful crumb. For my part I can't help but feel resentment for how I was simply left to twist in the wind. I wonder sometimes how things might have been different had they been able to take more of an interest. I'm not sure how that relates to what you posted. But it is what came to mind as I read it. I wish you well...

[Fuzzybear]

I read your post and it sounds like you have a reason to be angry. J left and your folks hated her, I wonder if you ever thought that might happen to you. And M, your parents had the responsibility of protecting you but didn't. It sounds to me like that would cause pain, which is probably what you are feeling now. Maybe talk to the angry part and let it know how you feel and treat it with loving kindness that you deserve. I don't know if I've helped you at all or not. If not, sorry.

Shezbut, I knew you years ago when I was on Psychcentral before. I first was named Antimatter and then couldn't get into my account and changed to EnlightenMe. We were in a group together with someone else who ran the group. IT was always good to talk to you. Take care.

[shezbut]

~Tsunami,

Thank you for your response. That actually makes some sense to me. I really hadn't thought of acknowledging my angry side and sort of accepting that reality with kindness. I think that I'm going to need some help with that task. *sigh* But, at least it's something to work towards.

**************

p.s. I do remember you (Antimatter/EnlightenMe)!! (((((hugs))))) to you.

[woundedsoul]

I completely understand what you are feeling. I talk with my therapist about this same subject often. I try to talk to my spouse but he really just tells me I need to get over it. I'm angry at my mother for treating us very differently also. There was my older brother, my sister who is 13 years younger than my brother, then me who is almost 3 years younger than her. I'm the youngest. My brother being the oldest had it the toughest I'm sure. He basically grew up like an only child for the majority of his childhood, and being the first, that's usually the one that parents make all the mistakes with. Now I'm not including being angry at my father in this because my parents are from Scotland, and men especially from that generation from Europe, did not have anything to do with raising children. The women did that. I have other issues with my father though. Anyway, my mother always treated my sister like she was so much more important than me. I tried so hard to behave, to get excellent grades, to do everything I could to get attention, but my mom just always showered all her attention on my sister. Even when we became adults, it was still the same. My brother said once that he wondered if they even knew that I was there. So that tells you it wasn't just me imagining it. I haven't figured out how to let this go either. But, if you do, let me know! I could use the help also! Hugs!