[Lightrise]

I've been feeling really emotionally numbed/distant/detached from my boyfriend for 2+ weeks now and I know it's because I've dissociated. I know I can be happy-ish with him (happy's such a weird word) because I remember being excited to see him on a video chat however long ago and how it helped me feel better in a happy-ish way to talk with him that night. I broke up with him not long ago for this exact same feeling I'm having now, but he took me back and forgave me when I realized how much I'd miss him being out of my life. So I don't want to break up with him because that'd be really stupid and I'd regret it so bad. I promised I'd talk with him before doing anything like that again anyway, and I don't want to tell him how I feel because I don't want to hurt him.

How do you deal and/or cope with dissociation and numbing and all the crappy thoughts/feelings that can come with it?

[lolarose]

It can be a really tough thing, and I'm sorry you're going through it. This has happened a few times to me, once lasting a few weeks and me wondering if I've lost love. Honestly, the thing I did was wait it out and try and find excitement and joy in anything he does or say. It's easier said than done I realize, and I'm sorry that I can't give better advice. For me the best thing that worked was just waiting it out because I knew these feelings (or lack thereof) weren't true. Do something stimulating, like playing a game or going for a jog, that might help slightly

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[Lightrise]

Thank you. Your advice really is helpful to me. It's a shame there's no immediate fix for this stuff. xP

[Pastel Kitten]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It has happened quite a lot to me as well, and some of those times were during times my boyfriend was physically present, so he could clearly see the numbness wash over. I would tell him how I was feeling (or rather, wishing to feel something..) and he would give me the support necessary to snap me out of that dissociative state again. They used to last longer when no one was physically around me. The worst thing I could do in these situations is say nothing about how I feel.

[Lightrise]

Thank you so much for your help and advice. <3

Turns out I wasn't still splitting or feeling numb. It just wasn't the right relationship for me by a long shot. It took me awhile to figure that out, but talking with two different friends about everything cued me in and got me to face the fact that I can end a relationship without it being the "fault" of my BPD.

I really do appreciate what you've shared with me, both of you, and I definitely will keep it in mind when I'm facing numbness again.

[jeremiahgirl]

Disassociation happens when some experience is "too hard" to process. When the numbness accrues your fully overwhelmed by something, someone, or experience. My T taught me certain "tools" BREATHING, TOUCHING, TASTINGS, etc. these are to "snap" one from one state to the other. Generally (or at least I ) can tell when I'm in the dissociative state so I try to use those tools to come take to reality. One must assure themselves they are safe, because when they believe their not they DISS. Place tools around your home I placed a sign in certain rooms to remind me to stay centered. I hope this helps.

Some people used ice cubes in their palms to snap back, others a rubber band on their wrist to snap etc. to awaken the disassociating.

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[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

Disassociation happens when some experience is "too hard" to process. When the numbness accrues your fully overwhelmed by something, someone, or experience. My T taught me certain "tools" BREATHING, TOUCHING, TASTINGS, etc. these are to "snap" one from one state to the other. Generally (or at least I ) can tell when I'm in the dissociative state so I try to use those tools to come take to reality. One must assure themselves they are safe, because when they believe their not they DISS. Place tools around your home I placed a sign in certain rooms to remind me to stay centered. I hope this helps.

Some people used ice cubes in their palms to snap back, others a rubber band on their wrist to snap etc. to awaken the disassociating.

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I've used both ice cubes and very cold drinks (even during winter), as well as jalepeno peppers for the shock of the spice. I agree, it's both helpful for snapping yourself out of numb/dissociative states and getting rid of any possible urges to self harm if you have any.