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Old Oct 09, 2016, 01:59 AM
Anonymous37881
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Hi, I'm a 41 year old female who is already diagnosed with schizophrenia and OCD but wonders if she fits the criteria for BPD. I hear that substance abuse often accompanies this condition, I am a binge drinker. I self harm although do not put my life at risk. Last year I finished with my ex at the beginning of a psychotic episode which started after I came off Seroquel which I had been receiving for OCD. This was my one and only psychotic episode which has given me a new diagnosis of schizophrenia. I think taking a high dose of Seroquel for five years has changed my brain chemistry so I am now dependent on antipsychotics although I did jump from 200mg to 0mg.

When I came off the Seroquel I became very emotional, alternately laughing and crying, often laughing at nothing. I didn't get angry often, but if I did I would get really angry, I was not violent but became very shouty. I finished with my ex very impulsively. My libido went through the roof (I also hadn't had sex for about 9 years). I was also taking imipramine, I know that imipramine can make people more interested in sex. It can also exacerbate psychosis. However when I was taken off the imipramine the psychosis became worse. I couldn't sleep at all but after coming off Seroquel I had found it hard.

I was never this emotional before being on Seroquel.

I did at the time develop a bit of an obsession with a man who I had liked for years. The psychosis took over and I began to believe we were soulmates. He was married but I believed he was separated from her even though his Facebook account said they were still married. It took me a while after being hospitalised and on new medication to get over it, I just wasn't as emotional. I think I got over it when, guess what, I developed a new obsession with a guy online who was a bit more like me. We met up and were intimate but he rejected me. I haven't dealt with it well at all. I have seen myself become manipulative and attention seeking, posting depressing things about myself online in the hope he would talk to me. He has cottoned on to this now and he finds me annoying. I have started drinking more and the other night sent him 96 e mails which accused him of flirting with other women, being happy if I was dead and that I wanted to kill myself over him, at times this is true. He denies flirting with anybody and finds me a nuisance.

Is this BPD or just my way of dealing with a relationship where I want him to care but he doesn't and I'm just desperate? I feel like because it's online I don't know what he's thinking or feeling most of the time but I feel increasingly manipulative and it makes me hate myself even more.
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Atypical_Disaster

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  #2  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 04:16 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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Old Oct 09, 2016, 04:50 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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Do you have problems regulating your emotions in general? Or just with relationships? To me, it sounds like you're just having problems letting go of this last relationship. Maybe you just need to talk to someone as to why you can't let go.
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Old Oct 10, 2016, 01:58 PM
Anonymous37881
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Originally Posted by Fharraige View Post
Do you have problems regulating your emotions in general? Or just with relationships? To me, it sounds like you're just having problems letting go of this last relationship. Maybe you just need to talk to someone as to why you can't let go.

It wasn't a relationship, a friendship really. But we did get intimate twice in one day. To call it a relationship would be unrealistic. But no, I can't let go. The feelings are very intense for what actually happened between us. That is why I believe it could be BPD. Also it feels like I love him but I hate him sometimes. It could be an OCD thing, because I have that. It is quite obsessional. But people with BPD can often have OCD. I wish I could get a counsellor to talk to about this but it's not likely. I can't get a psychologist because my current diagnosis is schizophrenia. I live in the UK so we still have a state funded health service. I couldn't afford to go private, maybe a few sessions but my problems are long standing and complex. I think my whole attitude towards relationships or potential relationships is wrong. Of course I need to tackle the drinking and the OCD. There's a lot to deal with.

Of course if I have BPD they might not see me, over here there is a negative attitude towards personality disorders. Then I really will have to deal with it all on my own.

Last edited by Anonymous37881; Oct 10, 2016 at 02:12 PM.
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  #5  
Old Oct 12, 2016, 11:36 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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I read your other thread too. Just thought I'd commiserate. I have OCD (undiagnosed), Depression and PTSD (diagnosed) and Borderline traits (diagnosed).

I've had unrequited love obsessions all my life.

I also had an emotionally unavailable father who was lost in his own depression and died when i was 12.
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  #6  
Old Oct 12, 2016, 02:38 PM
zijax zijax is offline
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Until you stop drinking for a considerable period and let your brain heal from its effects you won't know what is going on mentally due to Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome.
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Old Oct 12, 2016, 03:53 PM
Anonymous37881
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Originally Posted by zijax View Post
Until you stop drinking for a considerable period and let your brain heal from its effects you won't know what is going on mentally due to Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome.
What's a considerable period? I didn't drink much at all from Feb - Dec 2015. But i have been binge drinking since then. I have one session a week. One big and sometimes a smaller one through the week. I think a lot of my problems come from taking medication for years.

Thank you for the reply.
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