[bad4yourKarma]

My sophomore year of high school was just...so bad. I decided that I wanted to seek treatment for my depression, but before that I asked a SUPER close friend of mine to help me do some research on mental illnesses to see if it seemed that I fit any other categories (I was being called bipolar on a daily basis but I knew I wasn't bipolar; however it seemed something was up other than just depression/anxiety/ADHD). So he went and looked up some stuff and said that the only thing he found that he felt described me was BPD. When I went to read the description I was shocked (terrified) to see that it described me almost perfectly? Later, (years later) I finally summoned the courage to ask my psychiatrist about it and she said that BPD had actually popped into her mind that day while we were talking. She wasn't my therapist so she said she didn't want to label me with it, but she also said that she trusted my judgement and told me that I should try DBT. Sadly, I never have gotten the chance to try it and my psychiatrist left her job and opened up her own private practice so I no longer see her (or anyone). I've thought about it a lot though, I just don't know what to do about it?
Just some thoughts...

[ReptileInYourHead]

Find a new therapist?
I think you should, maybe dbt could really help.

Do you ever worry what 'getting better' will be like?
I clung onto my depression for a long time, like I was afraid of losing it, afraid that a piece of me would disappear along with it.

I can say now that that is not the case, but when I was a teenager and an early 20er it definately was.

[bad4yourKarma]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Find a new therapist?
I think you should, maybe dbt could really help.

Do you ever worry what 'getting better' will be like?
I clung onto my depression for a long time, like I was afraid of losing it, afraid that a piece of me would disappear along with it.

I can say now that that is not the case, but when I was a teenager and an early 20er it definately was.

If I'm being honest, I do worry. Even though I know it's ridiculous. But I've always been dramatic and a moody writer, so sometimes it feels like that will disappear if I get treatment. Like if my broken pieces start fitting together I won't be myself anymore.
I know that's not the case, but I worry about everything so of course it's come up lol

I'd get a therapist again but I'm flat broke and will be for awhile (my mom paid for everything the first time, but I don't want to do that again). Oddly enough, there was a comment thread on Facebook where someone mentioned a DBT book that she said had helped her immensely. I haven't thought about for awhile, but I think I'll check online and order it.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by bad4yourKarma

If I'm being honest, I do worry. Even though I know it's ridiculous. But I've always been dramatic and a moody writer, so sometimes it feels like that will disappear if I get treatment. Like if my broken pieces start fitting together I won't be myself anymore.
I know that's not the case, but I worry about everything so of course it's come up lol

I'd get a therapist again but I'm flat broke and will be for awhile (my mom paid for everything the first time, but I don't want to do that again). Oddly enough, there was a comment thread on Facebook where someone mentioned a DBT book that she said had helped her immensely. I haven't thought about for awhile, but I think I'll check online and order it.

Good for you to take initiate. I found a DBT workbook online. Also, there is a forum here of people who have successfully used DBT. I went on there and asked questions and everyone is very generous in responding. Since DBT stresses mindfulness practices maybe you could find a meditation group in your area or a Shambhala Center as they provide free meditation instruction. Centers also have lectures and if you cannot pay the lecture fee they will often let you help out in order to defray the cost by volunteering to set up chairs, serve refreshments afterwards etc. That's how I was able to attend a lot of lectures on meditation. Good Luck. Oh, also, on YouTube there are videos of talks by Marsha Linehan.

[bad4yourKarma]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Good for you to take initiate. I found a DBT workbook online. Also, there is a forum here of people who have successfully used DBT. I went on there and asked questions and everyone is very generous in responding. Since DBT stresses mindfulness medication maybe you could find a medication group in your area or a Shambhala Center as they provide free medication instruction. Good Luck. Oh, also, on YouTube there are videos of talks by Marsha Linehan.

Wow. Thanks a ton for the information! I appreciate it more than I can put into words
I'll definitely check all of that stuff out. Seriously, thanks again ❤

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by bad4yourKarma

Wow. Thanks a ton for the information! I appreciate it more than I can put into words
I'll definitely check all of that stuff out. Seriously, thanks again ❤

Best wishes. I also have had difficulty finding affordable counseling so have had to take a lot of initiative to set up my own programs of recovery. DBT can pretty much help everyone. I have now added CBT, too. Please come back and ask questions about DBT and CBT as many members here have a lot of experience with both. The point is...you can help yourself. It is difficult, yes, but not impossible. I am doing it right now.

[DechanDawa]

I can relate to the fear that changing habits can also wreck one's creativity, depth of character etc. However, I have found the opposite to be true. Depression and anxiety have obscured creativity. I don't feel like myself because I feel heavy, dark, and paranoid when depressed and anxious. I think it makes it harder to focus and so altogether I am not my best self. I welcome throwing off the crusty negativity that seems to bind me up. I want to feel raw, refreshed, and new. Personality and creative gifts won't go away, I don't think. Anxiety and depression are like veils covering one's light.

[bad4yourKarma]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

I can relate to the fear that changing habits can also wreck one's creativity, depth of character etc. However, I have found the opposite to be true. Depression and anxiety have obscured creativity. I don't feel like myself because I feel heavy, dark, and paranoid when depressed and anxious. I think it makes it harder to focus and so altogether I am not my best self. I welcome throwing off the crusty negativity that seems to bind me up. I want to feel raw, refreshed, and new. Personality and creative gifts won't go away, I don't think. Anxiety and depression are like veils covering one's light.

Gaahhh! You've said all the right things lol

I went ahead and went to Amazon earlier and ordered a DBT workbook It should get to me pretty soon, so I'll start posting updates once I receive it and get started.

Honestly, I've felt like depression has been holding me back, especially from my writing, as opposed to making me some sort of more self-aware artist lol But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, 'you have to be a tortured soul in order to be a good artist'. I think I really needed to hear what you just told me-- so thanks again ^-^
I'll make sure to post plenty of updates and even let you guys know how my writing is going