[jcl76]

I am 42 and was diagnosed with BPD about 4 year ago. My previous problems have been getting into the wrong relationships with great girls but totally not the right fit. I was clingy, totally emotionally engrossed in them. Break ups were caused total downward spirals. Fast forward to know. I haven't been in a true relationship that I actually identified it bf/gf until I was diagnosed. My current girlfriend is truely a great girl. She is gorgeous, goes to church with me every Sunday which I have never had. All in all I could definitely see my myself marrying. Never felt that ever In my life.

Now giving the traits of BPD and being really heavily involved emotional, I am totally the opposite! Not emotionally connected. I feel if we broke up it wouldnt bother me at all. It's affected the relationship finally after 4 months. She is emotionally invested and really into me. She said she doesn't feel the same from me which is true and valid.

Has anyone experienced this side? I can't make sense of it other than being crushed and hitting rock bottom from the past relationships that I am protecting myself from very dark times in my life.

[Skeezyks]

Hello jcl: I can't really speak directly to your concerns. I've never actually received a diagnosis from any of the mental health professionals I've seen over the years. However, from what I know of BPD, there was a time when I thought I could possibly have been diagnosed as having it when I was young. (I've read & been told that BPD tends to burn itself out as one ages.)

I'm an older person & my wife & I have been married for 38 years... (her accomplishment , not mine.) The thing I wanted to say here is that it takes a whale of a lot of compassion & forgiveness to keep a romantic relationship going for that long... BPD or no BPD. The important thing, I think, is your commitment to one another. Over time, the romance fades. After all of these years, my wife & I have little in common except for the fact that we've been married for 38 years. But none-the-less we're committed to one another.

From my perspective I think you & your gf can create a contented long-term relationship... (marriage?) What's important is lots of open communication along with, as I wrote above, compassion & forgiveness. Perhaps some individual therapy for yourself & / or some couples counseling for the two of you might be beneficial as well. To borrow a phrase from an old song by Herman's Hermits: "... girls as sharp as her are somethin' rare." Fight for your future together.

[Lonlin3zz]

When you are leaving the old cycle of intensed emotional attachment, you go through the process of awakening, and naturally your level of empathy may decrease because you're thinking more logically now.

One important thing that we can take note of is that we are dealing with humans that has emotional needs and very little logical needs. You have an amazing woman in your life who is willing to stick with you, you have to compliment or say things which shows that you care.

This is called communication. There is a show and tell aspects to it. It is detrimental to assume someone will always stay by your side. Communication with them can be in a form of compliment (direct/agreement)or taking up responsibilities(indirect) that will offer them assurance that you are indeed worth their emotional investment.

Add-on: Someone once reminded me, "You have to sacrifice some inner-peace of mind, to find a genuine a relationship"