[Ms.Lizette]

Hi

I have been feeling worse and worse lately. We just moved into my BFs country and I am struggling to learn the language and get a job.

I recently got diagnosed with BPD after many years undiagnosed suffering. I just started therapy.

The issue is, I feel very suicidal mostly every day. It's like I am tired of life, in a VERY deep way. I no longer even want anything with my life. I feel done, in a way I never felt before. I struggled with anorexia for 13 years and now this. I understand therapy can help but I feel I don't have the strength to go through this. So I think and plan how to end things all the time, and I am getting obsessed with it.

I have SOME good days, but they are getting less and less.

Yesterday, when I told my therapist about these thoughts, he offered hospitalization for a while. I don't know what to do because my experience with this (was hospitalized twice due to anorexia) is if I go into the hospital I immediately feel so much better that they end up discharging me sooner than later, and then I am home and it all starts again until I end up in the emergency....

It's like I am too well for hospital, too sick for home.

I am trying to build a life here and going to the hospital feels like it would rob me of the little things I care about (studies, our new flat, our cat), but on the other hand, I don't know if I will make it if I stay at home.

Any thoughts??

[MobiusPsyche]

I'm not sure what to advise but that is a tough situation. If you believe you are truly not safe then go to the hospital. But if you're just disturbed by the amount of times you think bad thoughts during the day, but you aren't going to act on them, talk to your therapist about ways to deal with this. Having these thoughts is distressing.

[subtle lights]

Sorry, it sounds like a difficult place to be in.
Maybe you could talk to your therapist to increase the occurence of the sessions? (Kind of a middle way between hospital and home)