[Ms.Lizette]

Hey

Last weeks have been really hard. My suicidal thoughts ended up in very dangerous actions and I ended up hospitalized. Now home and I started therapy for BPD for the first time (schema therapy) and I have just seen my therapist for the second session.

My new therapist is great, I really attached to him. He was concerned for the previous events from last weeks and expressed concern for my suicidal thoughts/plans. He said something that no therapist has ever said to me before, when I asked him: why he even cared if I died or not? (I really don't know why someone would care if I exist or not....I certainly don't ) and he said: "because I care about you, even after meeting you two times, that is how it works, we care for each other"

I got very confused about the feelings this answer created in me. I felt both shocked and surprised and like I don't deserve his care, and I also felt extremely happy for what he said. Then I felt extremely afraid that he might suddenly leave me or care less. So now I ended up feeling extremely bad about having a good therapist

Is this normal? What should I do about this?? Feels so bad why does it have to be so damn complicated

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

Hey

Last weeks have been really hard. My suicidal thoughts ended up in very dangerous actions and I ended up hospitalized. Now home and I started therapy for BPD for the first time (schema therapy) and I have just seen my therapist for the second session.

My new therapist is great, I really attached to him. He was concerned for the previous events from last weeks and expressed concern for my suicidal thoughts/plans. He said something that no therapist has ever said to me before, when I asked him: why he even cared if I died or not? (I really don't know why someone would care if I exist or not....I certainly don't ) and he said: "because I care about you, even after meeting you two times, that is how it works, we care for each other"

I got very confused about the feelings this answer created in me. I felt both shocked and surprised and like I don't deserve his care, and I also felt extremely happy for what he said. Then I felt extremely afraid that he might suddenly leave me or care less. So now I ended up feeling extremely bad about having a good therapist

Is this normal? What should I do about this?? Feels so bad why does it have to be so damn complicated

It feels confusing because it is the first time it has happened. You attached to him because that's how borderline works - we don't like to let go of relationships or even possible relationships. You feel bad because you are scared because it is new and you are so attached. So yes, it is normal - but it is unhealthy. You should discuss it with him so he can help you sort through it.

❤

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

It feels confusing because it is the first time it has happened. You attached to him because that's how borderline works - we don't like to let go of relationships or even possible relationships. You feel bad because you are scared because it is new and you are so attached. So yes, it is normal - but it is unhealthy. You should discuss it with him so he can help you sort through it.

❤

I am worried that if I mention this he will get cold and put boundaries in ways that hurt me a lot

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

I am worried that if I mention this he will get cold and put boundaries in ways that hurt me a lot

It sounds like you do need help figuring out the differing boundaries between self, family, friend, acquaintance, and doctors. There is a certain level of respect and love with all of the categories but each is different. People with borderline see and live in "black and white" type thinking so it's all or nothing. We can learn to retrain that thinking but it takes a lot of hard work. It sounds like he wants to help you with that. Please let him.

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

It sounds like you do need help figuring out the differing boundaries between self, family, friend, acquaintance, and doctors. There is a certain level of respect and love with all of the categories but each is different. People with borderline see and live in "black and white" type thinking so it's all or nothing. We can learn to retrain that thinking but it takes a lot of hard work. It sounds like he wants to help you with that. Please let him.

Yes, I really do need help with this. I almost want to stop therapy before it really starts in order to avoid the disappointment... I will do my best to talk about this with him.

For the record, I have been a bit unlucky with therapists in the past...one went on maternity leave, another just couldn't handle my issues (I didn't know I had borderline back then), another became a boss somewhere else and had to transfer me I hope this therapy will last until I get something good out of it.

Thanks

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I had to go through a bunch of them too. Honestly, I don't think I ever found the "right fit" for me for a therapist. I did for a psychiatrist, but not therapist. I learned to take what benefits I could from each therapist and move on to the next when the negativities outweighed the positives or when I was no longer learning anything and felt more negativity than support. That may be what you need to do for awhile if this doesn't work out - but I think it will work out. Either way, if you set your mind to it, healing is possible.

❤

And you're welcome!

❤

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Also - don't stop therapy unless you believe yourself to be strong enough to teach and chastise yourself in a loving way the different changes you will need to make in your thinking.

There are books out there to help you but it takes someone that is able to say "yes, I did this and I should not have. No, I am not bad for making a mistake. I will try harder from now on. This is how I will handle it when I am faced with that type of situation again.." and then follow through when you are faced with it. It also takes someone that is able to stop and refocus when they are so mad they could spit nails. So until you can say "yes I can do those things" or at least "yes I am almost sure I can do those things, I want to try"... Keep going to counseling.