[elevatedsoul]

i think i may be shutting down...

i just feel like whats the point...?
i want to get better, i do..
but maybe this is as good as its going to get...

maybe instead of imagining and thinking of how much better things could be...
i should just forget about it and just accept the way things are...
this is how i am... how i probably will always be

im feeling not like talking about things very much anymore...
not feeling very motivated...
i just dont want to acknowledge anything anymore...
thinking maybe i have already talked too much...

just thinking that maybe i should be ok with the way things are...
maybe its the only way for me to find a little rest and peace...

im no one special after all..

i dunno... it is what it is i guess...
just thought i would let everyone know incase i disappear...

[Skeezyks]

That's pretty-much what I have come to after so many years... I just am who I am... & it all just is what it is. I've read that you have to learn to accept yourself as you are before you can change. I don't know if that's true. Perhaps it's true that one has to be able to accept oneself before one can change. But accepting oneself, as one is, doesn't necessarily mean one will change. It simply means that self-acceptance is one prerequisite for change. In my case, it's just too late for it to make any difference. Too much water has flowed under the bridge, as they say. So, as I wrote above, it all just is what it is. I leave it at that. I hope you can find a way to accept yourself just as you are; & that you can then build on that to grow in whatever ways you might wish.

[elevatedsoul]

i feel so alone

so isolated

but so surrounded

im suffocating

drowning

i dont even know myself anymore

pretending to be a person i dont know

just so the world around me accepts me as the person before them

i don't know what else to do...

i don't know what is becoming of me...

i just have to keep pretending that everything is ok...

because i don't know what is wrong, besides me

i am wrong, all wrong...

who am i? what am i doing here...

i think it doesnt really matter

its becoming just a game, an empty meaningless game

you are who the people see you as, nothing more, nothing less

no sustenance

no filling

a mirror

a reflection of peoples desires

a chameleon...

master of disguise ...

pain, walking dead

not even knowing my own desires, confusion

walking in circles, yet floating .. standing still

getting no where

with only 1 true desire known

to know one self... yet will always be out of reach

never to be known... a foggy misunderstanding

trying to let go, because there is no point in fighting it

it will always be out of my reach...

i'll just grow more confused the more i try...

it just needs to be accepted

somethings can't be understood...

oneself being the ultimate...

i just feel so meaningless

without purpose

a no-body...

but an every-body...

i am no-one... but i am who-ever you want me to be...

i guess that is all for now