[YMIHere]

How is it that people can see just how bad off you are and still not completely get it?

I'm away from home for the summer. Staying at my sister A's house. Visiting my other sister N's house here and there. N has SEEN first hand how quickly I fall apart. I talk with her all the time. She knows the pain that I am in. My other sister doesn't quite get it. She can't miss that I'm struggling but her understanding of all of it is limited.

My life is a series of bad choices. Surprise surprise. I thought I had a nice situation set up but leave it to me to decide to move in with someone even more damaged so that I am not able to stay there.

My sister has offered to allow me to stay here but I don't like the cold weather and would prefer to be back home. I don't have insurance. I NEED HELP! It's like I feel like unless I was put in a hospital or something people just think I'm handling it and I'm not.

I feel like such a BURDEN to everyone. Then I think about how effed up everyone would feel if I tried to off myself and that feels no better than being a burden.

I'm just exhausted. I need help and there isn't any.

[offroad711]

Understand completely. May not be the same thing. When I speak in AA meetings which I am probably way to open in what I discusss, but I feel it is vital to my sobriety. On occasion someone has come up to me and just told me to work the steps more or be more involved in the program. This is after I have talked about my dx Borderline!! Someone once pretty much just said had a alcoholic brain and dismissed my diagnosis.

People that do not get it and have a low capacity for empathy tear us down and do not even know it. I think this is a sickness in itself. Hopefully it can help if you can focus on the fact that a lot of people have problems we just show ours a lot more. To the extreme of no capacity for empathy a lot of sociopaths can blend in with society better then we, but I will take my dx over that one anyday. I can fully admit my diagnosis most sociopath will never admit anything is wrong with them no matter how many people tell them. Why I stopped having any contact with my mom....Guess I went off topic as usual...

[adashofhope]

Originally Posted by YMIHere

How is it that people can see just how bad off you are and still not completely get it?

I'm away from home for the summer. Staying at my sister A's house. Visiting my other sister N's house here and there. N has SEEN first hand how quickly I fall apart. I talk with her all the time. She knows the pain that I am in. My other sister doesn't quite get it. She can't miss that I'm struggling but her understanding of all of it is limited.

My life is a series of bad choices. Surprise surprise. I thought I had a nice situation set up but leave it to me to decide to move in with someone even more damaged so that I am not able to stay there.

My sister has offered to allow me to stay here but I don't like the cold weather and would prefer to be back home. I don't have insurance. I NEED HELP! It's like I feel like unless I was put in a hospital or something people just think I'm handling it and I'm not.

I feel like such a BURDEN to everyone. Then I think about how effed up everyone would feel if I tried to off myself and that feels no better than being a burden.

I'm just exhausted. I need help and there isn't any.

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine. Have you tried applying for Medicaid? Disability? You can also try getting low cost therapy at a community center if you have one nearby. There are resources out there, just not as many as there should be and sometimes can be difficult to take advantage of.

Keep reaching out no matter what. You are worth it

I made some not so great decisions too and I have trouble accepting them. I am also staying with family because I cannot live with my partner. I never feel like anyone truly understands me and my struggles and it is very lonely. Its hard but I know I could be worse off.

I've been without insurance in the past and it was awful. Now I have insurance but can't use it because of the deductible. So I am searching for therapists who do sliding scale. In the mean time, I use an online therapy service because it is much cheaper than in person therapy.

I hope you are able to feel better soon and find the help you need.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by adashofhope

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine. Have you tried applying for Medicaid? Disability? You can also try getting low cost therapy at a community center if you have one nearby. There are resources out there, just not as many as there should be and sometimes can be difficult to take advantage of.

Keep reaching out no matter what. You are worth it

I made some not so great decisions too and I have trouble accepting them. I am also staying with family because I cannot live with my partner. I never feel like anyone truly understands me and my struggles and it is very lonely. Its hard but I know I could be worse off.

I've been without insurance in the past and it was awful. Now I have insurance but can't use it because of the deductible. So I am searching for therapists who do sliding scale. In the mean time, I use an online therapy service because it is much cheaper than in person therapy.

I hope you are able to feel better soon and find the help you need.

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. Are you using TalkSpace? I think that's what it was called. My son was going through something and him being young - text therapy was perfect but his issue was also situational unlike my chronic and enduring.

I'm trying to figure out WHERE to apply. I "live" in Florida but situation being what it is it's looking like I'm going to be in CT until December or January. If I apply here in CT that means changing my residency which is going to eff me up with school. If I apply in Florida I probably can't use it here.

The good news is I'm doing a little better the last couple of days. I was just listening to music and heard two songs that usually have me blubbering like an idiot and I THINK I felt a lump in my throat. Talk about progress!

I feel like a crazy person for the things that I cry over. Like seriously, on the bad days it never ends. Sad stuff, angry stuff, touching stuff. Most times I'm like a raw nerve and on those days I feel like I may never know what "normal" is again.

I WISH I could get disability but you have to be out of work for a year before they will even consider you then they'll give you a bunch of back money but what the hell do you do in the interim? It will be a year for me in December. I've burned through my IRA - going to get hit hard with a tax penalty next year.