BPD and Cycles, Unreliability

Hi all,

While I suffer from mental illness myself, my ex-girlfriend has just recently been diagnosed with BPD and I am trying to familiarize myself with its patterns in order to be of better support to her now that we are back in each other's lives.

Something she very frequently talks about is her unreliability.

It is common for her to not respond to texts of mine for a week or sometimes even two before being able to have a full on conversation. We've been through multiple breakups, won't speak for months on end, then she'll whip back into my life very emotionally and suddenly and confess her love before leaving very abruptly again (sometimes even that same day, week, or month!)

I have spoken to her about this and explain how it hurts me and how I feel disposable to her rather than a cornerstone in her life, even though I know she loves me very much. Whenever I bring up the topic, she constantly speaks of her unreliability and how it is thoroughly unintentional, but a pattern that runs throughout her social relationships. Funny enough though, she seems to be in constant contact with her friends, so I wonder if this especially hits intimate relationships?

Whenever we go through these off cycles, I do not contact her and giver her as much space as she needs rather than calling her again or bumping my last text. Is this the correct thing to do? I don't know where it quite stems from so I'm not sure

I was just wondering if anyone can point me in the correct direction of what she could mean by this. I want to treat her the best I can and I wish to learn as much as absolutely possible to be a support and keep her comfortable

Thank you!

Well sit her down and have a real heart to heart talk, ask her to really explain herself and how she feels about you and not just some shallow answers, tell her she has to change and invest more in your relationship and if she doesn't give any effort why stay with her? tears and professions of love are nothing without action. bpd isn't an excuse.. if she really cares for you she wouldn't treat you that way especially if you tried to reach out multiple times..dont be a doormat.

I really hope you can sit down with your girlfriend and find out what the reasons are for the on and off pattern in your relationship. Yes maintaining relationships with BPD can be difficult but it would be good if together you could find out what she is running from when she breaks off abruptly. Maybe some couple therapy or counselling may help you both to explore the relationship.

That being said it can be an excuse as the previous poster mentioned. To find the truth of what is happening communication is key. Good luck.