[elevatedsoul]

trying to deal with it, doing pretty good i guess all things considering...
it just really sucks

i have been trying to talk to girls on a dating site again reaching out thinking that just maybe there will be someone crazy enough to talk to me long enough to see that i do have a really nice personality that can be loved actually quite a bit... im not bad looking either which i know even though i don't think im stunning or anything like that, but its not my looks that turns them away probably...

but i don't know, i have been single for ever

i had one girl respond to me and the first thing she asked was what i do for a living and i just dont know how to respond to that because of everything that im going through and working on so i just told her the truth which just really makes me feel bad because i feel so incompetent and pathetic..

she probably wont reply further which is ok but im just tired of being alone and going through this alone and wish that i had some one to lean on a little for inside support and understanding that would give me love and help me heal in that way and just seems like it cant happen because of all the damage i have accumulated over the years and that maybe its a cycle i wont ever be able to break or ever to be able to heal from which will mean i will always be alone and broken which i really cant stand the thought of because i have felt alone my whole life, really... i've never had a friend i could talk to or lean on... never learned how to do that with anyone...

but oh well... its just a rant over my hurting self esteem

im capable of so much... yet unable to achieve it due to my symptoms...
just need to find the time to be in the right place at the right time with the right person, right job opportunity, schooling, its all just been so ****ed up... tired of being a prisoner

[RubyRae]

. I had one girl respond to me and the first thing she asked was what i do for a living and i just dont know how to respond to that because of everything that im going through and working on so i just told her the truth which just really makes me feel bad because i feel so incompetent and pathetic.

Yikes.Although honesty is always best,it's probably not a good idea to dump everything on someone like that.You don't want to scare anyone off before they even get to know you.Save all that for once you establish a relationship and things start to get serious.

I'm not working at the moment would be an acceptable answer.If you get asked why you could say it's a long story or something.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree, you could say you’re between jobs or not working at the moment or something. While it is good to be honest, it isn’t really any of a strangers business what you “do for a living” or why you aren’t working at this time. Don’t throw your pearls to swine ... I used to and the swine bit me. Not cool

[elevatedsoul]

i just feel automatically rejected most of the time, no one wants me - a broken individual that is just incapable of living to say the least

this is what i said:

currently i am trying to focus on my PTSD and getting all that better first and foremost

spending time studying different topics on my own hoping to get back into school so i can do something i really enjoy and find rewarding; philosophy, physics, theology, biology, mostly i guess but i just wonder around with the research where ever it takes me

thats what im doing with my life at this point.
how i make a living has been ****ed (for lack of better word) up due to the ptsd stuff so im staying with my dad which is absolutely driving me insane.
not working right now because my flashbacks and stuff are kinda bad which sucks because i don't want to live with him so bad

but i dont like talking about it much because it really makes me feel terrible..
i have complex-ptsd and stuff from child hood abuse and neglect and my current situation hurts my self esteem and self confidence so i never know how to approach it with others especially girls

but its something that takes work like many things and im for damn sure not going to let it ruin my entire life

hope that makes sense, but its understandably a scary thing that probably scares off all girls which is why i just dont know how to approach it anymore

anyway, if you would still like to talk that would be great; even if just as friends
im not a scary guy or anything.. just been through a lot of bad things that hurt me..

[RubyRae]

Put yourself in the other persons shoes.That's some pretty heavy **** to tell someone you don't even know.You don't want to try to start a friendship by telling someone all your struggles.Nobody needs to know your mental health issues right from the get go.

You are way more than your issues.Let someone get to know YOU and then if things work out,they start caring about you,way on down the line they will still care if and when you do disclose your MH status.

Would you want to hear someones medical issues?If they went into detail about their bunions,back pain,sinus problems,migraines,etc.,would you find that attractive? I doubt you would,so mental health issues are no different.

You are selling yourself as a totally broken,messed up person.Would you go to a job interview and make yourself sound bad or good to get the job?Meeting someone is no different,you want to put your best foot forward instead of sabatoging yourself.

Just keep trying,the more you try and work at it the easier it will become for you.

I agree with what RubyRae said. If I had been sent that text message I would be running the other way and not looking back. Nothing wrong with saying that you are between jobs at the moment.

[elevatedsoul]

yeah i just screw it up every chance i get

its like i want to be alone, i guess on some level im just trying to protect the other person from myself

guess i really should just accept it as it is, its not so bad i guess...

i just dont know how to communicate, really shouldn't be trying to; don't need to mess anyone elses life up

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

yeah i just screw it up every chance i get

its like i want to be alone, i guess on some level im just trying to protect the other person from myself

guess i really should just accept it as it is, its not so bad i guess...

i just dont know how to communicate, really shouldn't be trying to; don't need to mess anyone elses life up

Don't beat yourself up over it,there's no need to.You're learning new skills,you can't expect to get it perfect right off the bat.It just takes practice is all.

Learning how to communicate is tough stuff when you come from a dysfunctional family and haven't been taught proper social skills.This is something I am trying to improve too,so I understand how hard it is.

There's many books on Amazon to help with it,I have been looking at them trying to decide which one I want.Maybe you could look there or see if there's any sites that would be helpful for you.

Don't give up though.Just because something doesn't work out at first it doesn't mean that it won't.Don't let that wounded child in you hold you back from learning and trying new things.

[RubyRae]

Just found some FREE kindle books for you.I know you like reading/learning,so here ya go....

https://www.amazon.com/Conversation-...ication+skills

https://www.amazon.com/Conversation-...ication+skills

https://www.amazon.com/Overcome-Fear...ication+skills

https://www.amazon.com/Small-Talk-Me...ication+skills

https://www.amazon.com/Always-Know-W...ication+skills

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyo...ication+skills

There's quite a few more free ones on Amazon if you look for them.

[elevatedsoul]

Thanks. .
It's just that I know I can be good for some one I just can't get the chance for anyone to see past everything on the surface...

I'm really nice and I don't act out ever unless I get really triggered I'm the type that acts inward and have allot of internal problems..

What am I supposed to say to initiate a convo with these girls on this site?

[RubyRae]

Did you even look at any of the free books I posted for you? There's some good ones,like "How To Talk To Anyone:Learn The Techniques To Master Any Conversation".They're free,so there's really no reason to not get them and read them,or at least one of them so you can help yourself with communication.

I can't and won't tell you what you're supposed to say,that's something you will need to figure out for yourself.I don't personally know you or your personality to be able to.

[elevatedsoul]

im going to look at the links now, i didn't have a chance thus far because of stuff going on..

waited around all day today because thought my case manager was gonna come get me to go do tour or interview thing of the day program but she never showed up .. ended up working on computers and stuff while waiting trying to keep myself busy and keep the anxiety down by staying busy

sometimes just seems like murphys law kicks in...

but its ok... i do appreciate the links and will read into them now as i have some time to hopefully be alone and away from people here

honestly i dont feel like i say anything wrong most of the time.. i try to start a conversation, maybe i just write too long of messages or something

really starting to not care though..
think im just gonna find peace in my lonliness and turn it into a good thing for me some how..

i mean been alone for all this time, why fret...?

i mean, whatever... im not gonna complain about it ... or talk about it anymore..
its all good, im fine and all
they just missin out