[-Astral-]

my husband , friends and dr wants me to stay stable because am trans male and am wanting to have a male body i have to try and be ok from now on its putting pressure on me to remain stable but part of me wanting to self injure and do other bad things that i cant do if i **** up i cant have a male body like i want to I CANT **** UP at all

what if i cant do that will i never get the body that i want will i have to go back to the start over and over again

I know am a **** up with self injuring or doing other things to harm myself

WHAT HAPPENS IF I **** UP
ITS JUST SEEMS LIKE DEATH NO OTHER CHOICE

[TuscanSicilian]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

my husband , friends and dr wants me to stay stable because am trans male and am wanting to have a male body i have to try and be ok from now on its putting pressure on me to remain stable but part of me wanting to self injure and do other bad things that i cant do if i **** up i cant have a male body like i want to I CANT **** UP at all


what if i cant do that will i never get the body that i want will i have to go back to the start over and over again


I know am a **** up with self injuring or doing other things to harm myself


WHAT HAPPENS IF I **** UP

ITS JUST SEEMS LIKE DEATH NO OTHER CHOICE

Have you sought out mental health,professional assistance? Self-injury is a serious symptom of mental health issues. You don’t describe stability to this writer. The trans stuff probably adds to the ambivalence you’re experiencing. Get professional help!

[rottedxdoll]

Maybe you could try slowing stopping self harm by doing less harmful things like snapping a rubber band on your arm. That's what a nurse suggested to me once. Self harm is a really difficult thing to stop doing, but it's good that you have a goal to keep you from doing it. You could also try a dream board with male bodies or anything else you associate with your gender. It's possible that looking at that when you want to self harm could help remind you of what you're working for when the self harm urges seem overwhelming.

[nikon]

hey Astral
i'm really sorry that you're in such a bad place right now. I am also a trans guy and have been in that position. unfortunately i didn't really find a way out of it by myself; i was lucky enough to have a psychiatrist who eventually decided that i was not going to become less depressed without starting medical transition. i did have to have a period of time without self harming or acting out in other ways, but i think your best bet would be to evaluate how urgent your transition is to you right now. ie: you do need to have a certain level of stability, but for some people, i don't think stability is sustainable unless they are able to start transitioning pretty soon.

getting in touch with other trans people in your area might help because they might know of resources that could help. also, i know many people hate hospitals, but for me to stop self-harming i had to go inpatient, and at least that way i got a bit of stability and was able to start hormones.

i'm sorry if this all sounds like empty words though. i'm going through a rough time right now and i haven't had any surgeries yet - money etc - and sometimes have the same dilemma of feeling like being ok in my skin is impossible, so i might as well destroy myself. i do know people who have got there though, so don't lose hope.