[whisperingskye]

It would seem that loved ones dying is one of my biggest triggers. It is literally the one thing guaranteed to set me off.

I used to always get confused when it came to bpd, and how it was relationship breakdowns that i should be worried about. And yes, I’m worried about that, but death is the worst.

Is anyone elses bpd triggered by death more than relationships??

[whisperingskye]

I guess no one else can relate to this...

I can relate. My parents dying was the ultimate abandonment. I'm still working through it years and years later.

[OctobersBlackRose]

I felt my Granpa dying was abandonment, even hurt myself because of it...

[Unrigged64072835]

My parents abandoned me way before they died. After they were gone I felt like an orphan though.

I still worry about my husband or daughter dying, though. I've gone through those scenarios many times before I slept.

Originally Posted by Fharraige

My parents abandoned me way before they died. After they were gone I felt like an orphan though.

I can 100% relate to this statement. Both of my parents emotionally abandoned me a long time ago; my dad did before he died and I didn't cry at his funeral. Instead, I just felt awkward for not feeling sad that he died but disappointed that he gave up on me before he died, and didn't even like me.

My mother is still alive but she's emotionally abused me my entire life. She's never been a source of safety, nurture, or love towards me but the opposite. She's been neglectful, manipulative, emotionally cut-off, mean and unapologetic.

When I spent months in the hospital recovering from a serious accident, she didn't even call my hospital room or come to visit me. When I was released to her home for outpatient rehabilitation from my accident, she treated me like dirt. She was mean to me, and refused to drive me to my medical appointments. She was like this when my dad was at home dying from cancer; she smoked around him and ignored him. At her brother's wake, when it was her turn to stand up and share a nice memory of my uncle, she stood up and complained that everyone always like him more than they liked her.

When she passes away, I'll be further alienated from my immediate family and distant family because they are very distant and judgemental people.

Will I experience feelings of abandonment? Not really. I was abandoned by her emotionally a long time ago. I don't know how her death will impact me, other than distance me further from my siblings and family since I don't really fit their mold.

[PsychoPhil]

When my dad died it hit me hard despite the abuse and problems I had with him as a teenager.

I am wondering if my brother was following the self-defeating behavioral pattern of avoiding abandonment by actively terminating relationships when he committed suicide.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

It would seem that loved ones dying is one of my biggest triggers. It is literally the one thing guaranteed to set me off.

I used to always get confused when it came to bpd, and how it was relationship breakdowns that i should be worried about. And yes, I’m worried about that, but death is the worst.

Is anyone elses bpd triggered by death more than relationships??

I was - and then everyone was dead except for me.

My mom died when I was four-years-old and I ‘processed’ death within a year but I felt the abandonment. My dad left me in the care of others until he got his **** together and that felt like one abandonment after the other. He died when he was in his mid-50’s. Another abandonment.

So, yes, these deaths were bad. The abandonment by my wife was the worst, though. And the last. I grovelled, begged and pleaded with her.

I think that I feel as if I’ve had more relationship abandonments than those by death. And I’ve been guilty of abandoning others so I don’t feel great about that. There just aren’t many left to die.

[TishaBuv]

I’m not sure if I am Borderline or only f’d with my own head, getting myself diagnosed with traits and EDD...

However, my father died when I was 12. I didn’t know he was dying. Nobody told me. I did not feel abandoned. I did not feel anything, just maybe shock because I wasn’t important enough to even be told he was dying and to say good bye.

Since then, I felt nothing when my grandparents died and I loved them very much and was close with them. They lived full lives and I recognized the circle of life.

I really don’t feel abandoned at all by anybody. (Except a creep who left me sui in a strange city and literally abandoned me)