Starting virtual IOP

childofchaos831 · Sep 29, 2020, 07:17 AM

In 2.5 hours... DBT... and I'm starting to get nervous. For some weird reason, the Zoom format is making me more nervous than in person would (and I'm agoraphobic).

I don't want to go, but I need to go... I will end up back in PHP or in the hospital again if I don't do IOP or at least try to do IOP... and I haven not slept... tis 6:30 a.m. and I have not slept. And IOP is in 2.5 hrs and is 3 hrs long. Till noon. And then I can sleep? Maybe, if I'm not too anxious still...

I just need to go to IOP and get it over with and it will get easier. Opposite action, right? Isn't that what they teach in DBT? That's one of the skills from PHP. PHP was also DBT based, so I was reminded of some of the skills I learned years ago. But PHP was only 2 weeks long. IOP is 5 weeks, and goes through all the skills.

The goal is to get all the way through the 5 weeks without having to go back into PHP or the hospital but the PHP therapist did make it clear that stepping back up to PHP or the hospital is not a failure if

Possible trigger:

I don't attempt suicide again and stay alive

by doing so.

I would feel like a failure though if I did have to step back up though. I keep bouncing in and out of the hospital and I really want it to stop. I want to be done with the hospital. I want to either be not depressed or just be done. I don't want to go back to the hospital again. Ever.

So its IOP... and it is now 7:15 a.m. so IOP is in 1.75 hours now.and I need to calm my nerves somehow...

Nitrous · Sep 29, 2020, 09:13 AM

So sorry you're anxious. Starting a group is anxiety provoking. I just started one. The zoom format is weird, but you get used to it. I hope today goes better for you

childofchaos831 · Sep 29, 2020, 10:00 AM

Technical difficulties are not fun when you are already anxious...

Nitrous · Sep 29, 2020, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Technical difficulties are not fun when you are already anxious...

I got booted out of my first group about 5 times because of technical issues. Next time will go smoother

childofchaos831 · Sep 29, 2020, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitrous

I got booted out of my first group about 5 times because of technical issues. Next time will go smoother

Yea hopefully, part of it was mic issues so I'm hoping my mic stays clear sounding. There was a weird noise on his end but then it cleared up, randomly...

Nitrous · Sep 29, 2020, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Yea hopefully, part of it was mic issues so I'm hoping my mic stays clear sounding. There was a weird noise on his end but then it cleared up, randomly...

Weird. We ended up having to ditch the app we were using partway through the first group because we couldn't hear each other.

How'd it go otherwise?

WastingAsparagus · Sep 29, 2020, 11:04 PM

I kinda wish I could do an IOP again. It just seems so... cathartic.

Anyway, I'm sorry you were having trouble getting motivated to go. Sometimes it helps me to do some deep breathing exercises when I'm having a ton of anxiety like that. Although even on days I'm really anxious and do the deep breathing, sometimes I still don't go to things I have to do, such as school.

childofchaos831 · Sep 30, 2020, 01:55 AM

Now that I have done it, tomorrow will be a lot easier. I've "met" the therapist and other people in the group. I kind of understand how it is going to go for the day, with what I did manage to gather with lagging and such in the beginning, and trying to figure out mic and sound difficulties at the same time.

Difficulty for tomorrow starting to arise, though... didn't sleep last night. At all. Tis now 2 a.m., group is at 9 a.m. and I am not tired yet in the least. Crap.

Fuzzybear · Sep 30, 2020, 08:11 AM

I've never done IOP (never been inpatient, I hate hospitals (I always have)

) I'm interested in how this goes for you. I think DBT can be very helpful. (I haven't had DBT either, in this forest, multiple hospital admissions are required before this is offered

)

I hope you got some sleep.

Thinking of you!

childofchaos831 · Sep 30, 2020, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I've never done IOP (never been inpatient, I hate hospitals (I always have)

) I'm interested in how this goes for you. I think DBT can be very helpful. (I haven't had DBT either, in this forest, multiple hospital admissions are required before this is offered

)

I hope you got some sleep.

Thinking of you!

I wish you could try DBT without needing to go to the hospital Fuzzy. I think you would really benefit from it... but I think almost anyone could benefit from it, really. It is all very practical stuff that they teach.

Nitrous · Sep 30, 2020, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Now that I have done it, tomorrow will be a lot easier. I've "met" the therapist and other people in the group. I kind of understand how it is going to go for the day, with what I did manage to gather with lagging and such in the beginning, and trying to figure out mic and sound difficulties at the same time.

Difficulty for tomorrow starting to arise, though... didn't sleep last night. At all. Tis now 2 a.m., group is at 9 a.m. and I am not tired yet in the least. Crap.

Sounds like you're feeling better about it, I'm glad

Hope you got a little sleep!

childofchaos831 · Sep 30, 2020, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitrous

Sounds like you're feeling better about it, I'm glad

Hope you got a little sleep!

Heh 40 min

Nitrous · Sep 30, 2020, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Heh 40 min

Lol better than nothing

childofchaos831 · Sep 30, 2020, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitrous

Lol better than nothing

Narcolepsy nodded this morning, couldn't stop it... was afraid I would miss IOP if I didn't fight it...

Fuzzybear · Sep 30, 2020, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Narcolepsy nodded this morning, couldn't stop it... was afraid I would miss IOP if I didn't fight it...

Glad you made it to IOP

Fuzzybear · Sep 30, 2020, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

I wish you could try DBT without needing to go to the hospital Fuzzy. I think you would really benefit from it... but I think almost anyone could benefit from it, really. It is all very practical stuff that they teach.

Thanks childofchaos, I also think it would help me (and almost anyone really). Sometimes I remember to read about it a bit. Sometimes not. I find groups IRL difficult (anxiety) (including on zoom etc, in fact I think I might find that worse than the ''old'' style of group

)

childofchaos831 · Sep 30, 2020, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks childofchaos, I also think it would help me (and almost anyone really). Sometimes I remember to read about it a bit. Sometimes not. I find groups IRL difficult (anxiety)

yea, the anxiety really gets me... php was irl, but iop is on zoom. iop is easy enough once it starts. i'm agoraphobic so it's easier to not have to leave the house.