[buy_time]

I want to be skinny.
I want to be happy.
I want to be a lot of things that I'm not.
I overeat some times and have been thinking about throwing it up. Why? I have no idea...That's just how I feel. Like it comes a point where I am in so much pain from eating that much (like my stomach kills) that it just makes sense to throw up. Plus, I go on the scale the second I overeat like that and then get mad at myself.

I don't want to do this anymore.
I guess I just wrote this for advice, I'm not really sure I was looking for anything else.

[optimize990h]

Hi buy_time, it's good that you are coming here for advice. I noticed you have 25 posts, so you know your way around this web site pretty good? Have you read the article on bulimia?

I think that it is good that you posted your feelings about making positive changes to help you with your eating disorder.

It is always good to have a primary doctor and a therapist, too.

You can get PC member support here in this forum. By the time I am finished typing this response, a member may have already posted a reply to you.

Don't be afraid to ask for help you can just private message people, too. Sometimes a member may give a good response(to a post) that makes you feel comfortable with member to discuss any advice and information.

Myself, I am just responding to posts so people know someone is reading their posts and trying to help them get started here at PC for support and information.

Oh, another place you will find contact is in the social groups. You can become a member of the eating disorder group and that would be another source of help support and information.

I hope you continue to post here and make some contacts you can share with.

[monarch_butterfly]

Advice... it is good you recognise you have an unhealthy relationship with food. I recomend seeing a therapist if you haven't and pay attention to what you feel when you binge.

It sounds like you want to change stuff about your life. A good place to start is with thoughts. Let's say in your head you think "i am stupid" turn it around make it positive and say " i am smart because i know how to blank and not many people do" that will help you gain more self esteem which is something everyone can use.

In order to stop yourself from weighing could you lock the scale up? If that freaks you out as it would have me when i had an ED. Then maybe try weighing just once a day and set goal for three times a week. Then twice a week.

Success is all about little goals. PM if you want!

[Meraynjel]

Bulimia is hell, and it turns out being thin really doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I've been trying for years to escape the solitude, self-hatred, swollen glands, aching teeth, and secret from everyone, and I still haven't been able to.

It's not worth it and I wish every day, every hour that I'd never started. Don't start if you can avoid it. It's hell.

[nicole84]

Originally Posted by Meraynjel

Bulimia is hell, and it turns out being thin really doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I've been trying for years to escape the solitude, self-hatred, swollen glands, aching teeth, and secret from everyone, and I still haven't been able to.

It's not worth it and I wish every day, every hour that I'd never started. Don't start if you can avoid it. It's hell.

This this this so much THIS. Being thin doesn't make a damn difference, if not make you more self conscious. And you'll never be happy enough. It's the worst form of hell & I still can't stop either

[Kate King]

Originally Posted by nicole84

It's the worst form of hell & I still can't stop either

I couldn't agree with you more. I am anorexic, binge-purge type. It is far easier for me to fight the anorexia, but when it comes to the bulimia side, I just cannot give it up. It is disgusting, I hate is so much. At least with the anorexia when I didn't eat I felt like I was accomplishing something. The bulimia is just plain hell. No relief from it at all. Why can't I stop???

[nicole84]

Originally Posted by Kate King

I couldn't agree with you more. I am anorexic, binge-purge type. It is far easier for me to fight the anorexia, but when it comes to the bulimia side, I just cannot give it up. It is disgusting, I hate is so much. At least with the anorexia when I didn't eat I felt like I was accomplishing something. The bulimia is just plain hell. No relief from it at all. Why can't I stop???

Exactly what I'm going through. The restricting feels cleaner and safer. This b/p cycle seems like it will be the death of me. Thought I'd be safe today and nope, on it continues Hopefully we can get relief somehow, soon.

[Kate King]

Nicole-
I am right there with you. I tell myself everyday that today is going to be different. I might make it through breakfast, maybe lunch, maybe even dinner, but somewhere in the day I "slip" and screw it all up. When will it ever end? And I agree, the restricting does seem cleaner and safer.