Major trigger warning. I think my roommate knows

Lately my binging and purging has gotten really bad, and sometimes I do it at night after my roommate goes to bed. Well, tonight I thought she was already asleep, but after I left the bathroom, I heard her still up. I don't know if she heard anything or not. I'm so scared. I've been trying to get up the courage to tell someone, but this is not how I wanted anyone to find out, and especially not her. She's not going to be supportive, in fact she's been a major trigger for me because she is always making judgmental remarks about how I eat even though she knows I've struggled with restriction in the past.

Yeah that sucks tht you are unsure whether or not she knows breakmystride.

You said - "major trigger for me because she is always making judgmental remarks about how I eat even though she knows I've struggled with restriction in the past."

This is key in this entire post.

I really think there is one wise choice here.

You need to work this out -

Nobody can answer this question for you except for you yourself;

Were the comments about your eating habits made out of GENUINE CONCERN or were they made out of SPITE.

If made out of Spite. Stuff That! Ignore them.

If made out of Genuine Concern.

It's time to tell her.

I agree, if she makes comments out of judgmental spite, ignore her

Keep us updated

I don't think it's spite or concern, she's just the kind of person who has to express an opinion about everything. If anything, she thinks it's funny when I do disordered things like stocking up on safe foods.

She hasn't said anything to me about last night, so hopefully I was freaking out over nothing and she didn't hear me.

Even though it might be scary and horrible to go through, do you think having someone find out would force you to seek help? Maybe it's the push you need. I know for me, when I eventually told everyone about my eating disorder, it wasn't really news to anyone, they already kind of knew. I bet she knows more than you think. However if she's going to be a trigger rather than a support, I hope you find someone in your life who can be a support. I know how scary the whole "telling people" process is.

My question is this. If this girl is spiteful and obviously a big trigger for you, is it possible for you to find another roommate? If your goal is to sincerely to recover from this disorder, the key is to try and surround yourself with positive people who won't make it worse. I know that this is sometimes easier said than done, and everyone's living situation is different. But if you're able to find a new living situation, I say go for it! Good luck with your recovery. I've successfully recovered from anorexia and bulimia, and have been free of any eating disorder for over 7 years now. It can be done!!!

I'd love to, but right now I'm not financially stable, so it's really a 'beggars can't be choosers' situation.

She never confronted me, and I've been doing a bit better with not purging lately, but my anxiety level after eating is so high, I know it's just a matter of time before I slip up again.

I've begun the process of finding a therapist, but let's be honest here, I've promised myself over and over again that I'm going to get help, but every time I end up either chickening out, or convincing myself that since I'm overweight, I don't really have an eating disorder anymore.

Hello! So, I think that you don't necessarily need to talk to her about it now, unless she brings it up. If you're not comfortable sharing it with her, then don't. This is a very personal matter, extremely difficult to bring up and reach out about and if sharing it with someone you feel is judgemental then its not worth it.

However, if she does know and brings it up. NO matter what happens, if she handles it poorly.. remember that you have a wonderful group of people here to chat to and open up to.. with no judgment.

In relation to your purging getting really bad I know how hard that gets, I am currently in treatment myself. Never tell yourself however that you don;t need treatment or help because you say you're "overweight" and "don't really have an eating disorder anymore". Honestly, if you're still feeling the anxiety after eating and just generally feeling so terrible, a little help really does help.

I hope this message finds you a little better off, would love to hear how you're holding up.

xx
Be kind to yourself