[Lonewolf4]

Not sure where to begin with this post, as this has been an issue I have personally struggled with for almost as long as I can remember, which I’m sure is similar for some of you.

The main issue is that over the years of my father looking after me (single parent) and due to my mental health and many other issues, I ended up having the mentality of, I was only worthy if my father thought so. Like everyone else’s opinions have very little sway in comparison to my father’s. Even if others have positive things to say, that is all forgotten as soon as my father gets involved and says one negative thing or doesn’t acknowledge a supposed achievement.

Therefore I find that my father supports me very little in the mentality compartment, as he isn’t really a believer of mental health issues. Thus being the main source of why I have never gone out of my way to get diagnosed with anything, due to his claims of “there’s nothing wrong with my child” or “my child is perfectly normal” - being fully aware that the other side of my family suffers with mental health issues and autism. All this becomes a vicious cycle of me trying to prove my self worth and then being worse off afterwards, battling with whatever issue I have and slowly creeping more towards breaking point.

I guess the point of this post is one to rant a little and two to see if any of you can offer advice of trying to stop putting my self worth in others? The main culprit is my father, but I do it with others as well - I want to try to stop doing this as it is becoming quite self-destructive.

Sorry this is my first ever post, so hope it makes sense

[nicoleflynn]

Hi...take your power back, and see a mental health professional; you deserve that. Stop sharing things with your father; knowing he will use it to make you feel bad. xo

Your father does NOT hold your worth....You do. He only has as much power as you give him.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Lonewolf: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to 4 articles on the subject of building self-esteem, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips...r-self-esteem/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/self-es...that-can-help/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-sugg...ve-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...r-self-esteem/

One forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the habit change forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/habit-change/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

[Lonewolf4]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Hi...take your power back, and see a mental health professional; you deserve that. Stop sharing things with your father; knowing he will use it to make you feel bad. xo

Your father does NOT hold your worth....You do. He only has as much power as you give him.

Thank you for your comment! Never really thought of it as giving him power before. I have considered going to a mental health professional, however feel scared to - slowly trying to build myself up to do this

[Lonewolf4]

Hello Skeezyks:,

Thank you for your comment and welcoming me to the community

I'll definitely have a look at those links you've sent me, thank you!

Hopefully I will do a few more posts in the future

I wish my family were like your dad.
After I needed treatment in a psychiatric unit, mine were dying for the doctors to find out that there was something wrong with ME and me only.
This meant that they were not responsible and could go on guilt free.
I have considered taking my hospital team to court because at 16 I should have been considered an adult and the doctors should not have spoken to Fred and my family without my permission. I felt kept in the dark. They asked if anyone else in family had mental health illness. My mum said that it must be my fathers side but then said there was actually a women on my mum's side who was very ill.
My grans mum died of a brain disease. I wonder if it was mental health related.

[Fuzzybear]

[Smitkit]

Originally Posted by Lonewolf4

Not sure where to begin with this post, as this has been an issue I have personally struggled with for almost as long as I can remember, which I’m sure is similar for some of you.

The main issue is that over the years of my father looking after me (single parent) and due to my mental health and many other issues, I ended up having the mentality of, I was only worthy if my father thought so. Like everyone else’s opinions have very little sway in comparison to my father’s. Even if others have positive things to say, that is all forgotten as soon as my father gets involved and says one negative thing or doesn’t acknowledge a supposed achievement.

Therefore I find that my father supports me very little in the mentality compartment, as he isn’t really a believer of mental health issues. Thus being the main source of why I have never gone out of my way to get diagnosed with anything, due to his claims of “there’s nothing wrong with my child” or “my child is perfectly normal” - being fully aware that the other side of my family suffers with mental health issues and autism. All this becomes a vicious cycle of me trying to prove my self worth and then being worse off afterwards, battling with whatever issue I have and slowly creeping more towards breaking point.

I guess the point of this post is one to rant a little and two to see if any of you can offer advice of trying to stop putting my self worth in others? The main culprit is my father, but I do it with others as well - I want to try to stop doing this as it is becoming quite self-destructive.

Sorry this is my first ever post, so hope it makes sense

You just described my relationship with my dad to a T.

The only solution is realizing he will never change. And then deciding if you can live around that and just laugh it off. Or if you need to go blaze your own trail.

I spent years trying to make myself feel complete with girlfriends and success at work, none of it matter. There was always that tug back to him and the need for validation.

Eventually, I had to learn that I could love him, but know that he is utterly full of it most of the time. You don’t have to fall for the sense of learned helplessness. You can go out and be whoever you want. You just gotta let it go and let yourself be angry and sad if your need to.

Part of it is realizing that your dad is just a human man. Not the superhero you thought he was. He’s got the same fears and insecurities you do, he just deals with him in his way. Unfortunately, he probably will never seen how that hurt you.

Good luck man. I feel for you. For some reason, that knife just sticks and won’t come out. It is a trauma, but it can make you stronger.

[BLUEDOVE]

Isn't he a clever manipulator? "There's nothing wrong with my child",and by association "There's nothing wrong with me".
He's looking after HIMSELF!

[Shazerac]

The main way that you can stop letting others control you and hold your self worth in their hands is to replace it with self care actions. Take care of yourself, get help if you need it.